What can I tactfully say to discourage long, frequent telephone conversations?

I'm not a "telephone person" but have a close friend who calls daily and keeps talking for up to two hours.

She lives in another town and talks about people I don't even know. She is obsessed with things that have happened in her past and tells me the same stories repeatedly.

I don't want to hurt her, but sometimes I don't even answer her calls.

This is a "be careful what you ask for" situation, as we had lost touch for 20 years; I found her through People Search and called her first.:o)

How would you handle this situation? I want to be friends, but resent being held captive by these long conversations.

Any serious suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Decide what your time limit is for these calls - then, when you've reached the limit (say 15 min.) tell your friend you have to go but you'll be available to talk again tomorrow. You don't need an excuse - you have things to do and you have to go.

You can also try to preempt her calls by calling her first and saying "I wanted to hear how you are doing but I only have 15 minutes..."

Don't let yourself get to the point that you don't even want to talk to her - just set your limit and every once in awhile let her go on for a bit extra. If you start keeping her to 15 min. then she will eventually keep herself to 15 min.

I've also tried putting the "busyness" on the person who called - ie "I know you're busy so I'll let you go...Goodbye!"

It might take a few times before you feel comfortable doing it but keep it up and you'll be a pro in no time.

You could also try asking her pointed (but not nasty) questions - like - "hmm this sounds familiar, why do you think this keeps happening?" or "Gee I don't know that person - why don't you ask her directly..."Try getting her to think about what she's saying - maybe she'll get the point.

Good luck!

Do you have family? Perhaps you could tell her that you can't stay on the phone that long because your kids/spouse or whoever want to spend some time with you. Or just tell her that you like talking to her but you have so much to do you can't spend time like that on the phone....maybe you could just meet for lunch once a week or something...

Take control of the conversation! That way, when you've said what you want, you can end it whenever you feel like it. Don't let her do all the talking.

Other than saying, let me pray with you. You could tell her that you only have a few minutes and then give her a 2 minute warning so that she can wrap-up her story. You might want to be honest with her. She might not be aware of her problem and you would do her and her other friends a favor.

Caller ID, then keep it to a minium and if you have to make up a fake reason to get off the phone, then due so. Or just be honest with her.

How about a heart-to-heart conversation about what you need? Let her know that you love her and value your friendship, which is why you looked her up in the first place. That will hopefully keep her defenses down and her mind open. Then tell her that although you like talking to her, it really takes a lot of energy for you. Let her know that there are other things you would like to do, but talking to her is still important...you just need to do it less. Ask her how she feels about it. If she's upset or passive-aggressive, tell her you're sorry if it hurts her because that's not your intention. You don't care about her less than she cares about you, you're just more introverted and it's your nature. Ask if a half hour would be good for her every other day or so. Maybe she feels like you LIKE having long conversations so she is compelled to keep talking. If you let her know you can still be good friends without talking so long, she may not feel so bad. Good luck!

That's what caller ID is for and answering machines.
Don't answer when she calls unless you want to.
And when you do decide to talk to her, put an egg timer by the phone for her to hear.
Set the egg timer when you are ready for the conversation to end.
Tell her you have to run because you got a cake burning in the oven when the egg timer goes off and she can hear it.