What is one of your favourite jokey things to say or that you have heard said to a waiter?

At our local bar/restaurant (we know them very well) Bill, the waiter, asked how I found the steak. I told him that " I moved a pea and there it was". Once they were very busy and the service was rather slow. I did notice that whatever happened they answered the telephone straight away. I telephoned them and ordered the pudding! Also (sorry to go on) on another slow service occasion he asked if we wanted any pudding. We said what is the shortest wait-- pudding or a hip operation. Actually, all the staff are great and we get back as good as we give. I have lost count of the times he has clipped my ear as he walks by. You should see the look on new customers when he treats customers like this.

I ordered the pizza ,with no thumb prints!

good for you.

My all time favorite is "You can't complain about the service, there isn't any!!!" Guaranteed to bring a smile to someone's face, maybe not the waiter but....

ha ha ha. Waiter there's a fly in my soup is always good.

Once I was at a restuarant with a long line ("fast food") and I noticed the drive through was quicker so I went in my car, drove through and brought my food back inside to eat with my friends.

i ask the waiter does he want a tip, they always reply yes. Saves them sharing with the rest of the staff and then i say
"don't eat the yellow snow"
I know its old but its still catches them everytime

When you have completely cleared your plate, and with obvious enjoyment - when they ask you if everything was OK, say No, it tasted awful. usually makes them look confused for a second until they see you laugh!

My cousin likes to leave her TIPS for the waiter in a book of matches: a note that says "dont play with matches..."

I always hear the one on TV where they say "There's a fly in my soup"

My husband always says this to any waiter or waitress when they come back towards the end of our meal and ask if there is anything else they can get us. My husband always says, "You can get me a fist full of hundreds." The look on their face til they realize he is joking is priceless, especially if you get a new waiter or waitress. I have even had to reach over and pat their hands and say, "Sweetie, he is just kidding. Just bring us some more sweet tea!!". Now, some will roll right on along with him, never skipping a beat saying, if I can't get hundreds, would $50's do.

LOL

"And don't you dare spit in my Soup!"

Customer: "Waiter what do you serve here?"

Waiter: "Everything is on the menu Sir."

Customer: "I can see that! Bring me a clean one!"
---------

Customer: "Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?"

Waiter: "The back stroke, Sir."

in a pub i said to the barmaid pint of beer and a pack of helicopter crisps? she was looking high and low and said we haven't any,i said well ill have plain...didn't have the heart to tell her i was joking as she rung it in the till?

I spent the night dancing at a club. I met a girl half way through the night and we really hit it off. After the club was closing I asked her if she wanted to join me for a late night breakfast. Just after looking over the menu the waiter came to take our order. I turned to her and asked What would you like? She leaned towards my ear and gave me one of those hot breath and tongue kisses and whispered I want you! I flipped the menu closed and looked up at the blushing waiter and said " I'm Sorry what we want isn't on the menu" We had the best s3x I think I have ever had in a long time.

I had broke up with my girl friend and was out for the first time afterwards. The ironic thing, my ex wanted to get back together and I broke it off with my new flame. I married her and she had been a s3xual bore our whole married life. Man, why did i give up such a good lover for her, Guud I am stupid sometimes.....

My best friend and I went out for a meal at the start of the year (I'm never going to the Pulman Lounge again because of this) and we had a very camp, very 'off' waiter; nothing wrong with being camp but everything wrong with being 'off' with paying customers.

I got something, can't remember what it was; it took an age to arrive and it had a salad garnish. I adore salad, it's my favourite food, it was certainly the best part of that dish and so I ate it.

The waiter came to take our plates away and looked at me as though I'd just crawled out from under a stone. "You must have been hungry if you even ate the garnish."

I stared back "Well, it's salad, what am I supposed to do, throw it out and waste food?" I also abhore food wastage.

one, a waiter spilled a bit of minestrone on my lap. just a wee bit. i yelled out, "waiter, there's a soup in my fly!"

as a straight up joke:
waiter: how is everything, sir?
me: everything's GREAT, except the FOOD AND THE SERVICE!
that always gets a shocked reaction until they realize i'm kidding.
finally, when you're asked for your order say, "i think i'll just have a whole wheat on rye."
that usually catches them off-guard, too.

Ha ha i can remember something similar to that on the phoning the restaurant. as we sat at the table, phoned to get a waiter to take the order and the staff got a right ticking off..lol

"I can't read. Do you have a menu with pictures of food on it?"

lol very funny
I know this is a little different but i went into a local pie shop at the end of the day and the lady who served me the 2 sausage rolls i was buying said ''these are reduced now''
i replied (quite wittily i thought) ''why? were they bigger this morning?''
Oh how we laughed...

this chicken is foul (fowl)