How can I escape having to return phone calls at home? I turn my answering machine off but I still have caller i.d. The telephone is such a huge waste of my time....it interrupts whatever I'm concentrating on. The older I get, the more I despise this freakin' phone. One of my kids has a new friend in the neighborhood, the friend's Mom calls me psychotically over silly things (i.e. i have some clothes that might fit your kids, etc.). I feel obligated to call her back but she wants to talk forever!! I hate, hate, hate calling people back! Any advice? Anyone else feel this way? I have a husband and three sons...this woman has a travelling husband, a newborn baby and two boys who would practically live with my family if they could!
I've already set so many limits with this woman...the phone is just another one to add to the list.
Her boys used to come over to play or invite my sons to play EVERY, SINGLE DAY...I put a stop to this rudeness. The Mom would pull in my driveway and wait while her kids ring my bell...begging to have my kids play, etc.
On several occassions, when I'm home and don't answer, she'll drive over to my house anyway.
I made the mistake of giving her my cell number because her Son was on a family outing with my Son. Now she takes it upon herself to call my cell phone...not just a time or two either! She'll call at least 10 times in one day...even after she leaves a message. She doesn't give a person a chance to call her back.
Thank you so much for all your input...all of you are awesome and so helpful!! I have a few rules about phone etiquette.
1) I may have caller ID, but if you didn't leave me a message, then I am going to pretend you didn't call. If you want a call back, then leave a message.
2) I will only call you back at my earliest convenience. This rule especially applies to those messages that are trivial in nature, such as your neighbor's. I am not going to deprive my children or my husband of quality time to discuss silly things. Anyone who calls me on a regular basis for no good reasons other than to 'talk' will receive one call back a week, maybe two, depending on how much time I have.
3) Unless you're my kid, my lover or a friend/relative I haven't spoken to in a while, there's no reason to have an hour long phone conversation. After five or ten minutes, I will get off the phone. That's non-negotiable. If you have to lie, then lie. Say what you need to say to end the conversation. You're not in the wrong - your neighbor is being rude.
All that is required is that you take a stand. Decide how your time would be better spent - relaxing after work with your adoring husband or talking to your annoying neighbor about the new car she bought or what color she wants to dye her hair. just meditate,belive me the unwanted phone calls will stop automatically. I have no problem not answering the phone or returning phone calls. If I don't feel like talking to someone, I just don't. If its that serious, they'll call back. I'm with you Susie Cha
Technology is invasive. I tend to become hermit like sometimes and withdraw from the world to regather my strength.
Tell lies and say your answering machine is not working. Don't let the phone control you.
The phone is supposed to be for our own convenience, not a line for others to pester us on.
Try to screen calls. People get the hint eventually if you are not reacting to them.
Sounds like you might need to learn how to say "NO" too, and learn how to shorten calls, say somethings on the stove...use your imagination. I feel the same. but I just dont awnser them big deal take back control of you spare time call them at your conviencetry unplugging the phone cord from the wall jack that way it will just ring and ring on the other end or turn your phone on and dont hang it up then they will get a busy signal. good luck When you start the converstation talked rushed and tell them i cant talk long as i am out the door but i wanted to return your call before i left. State the reason you are calling, find the solution and then end it. Thanks again for calling earlier, sorry i was out. have a good day. Bye. Don't feel guilty for not returning calls. In this day and age, we know that taking care of yourself first is a golden rule. People expect you to be in good spirits and want to call them. Why call them if you don't feel like it and then not be at your top form? Don't return them, and stop feeling guilty! Unplug the line in the back of your phone when you are gone and toss the answering machine. If some jerk ask why you don't return phone calls, just say you didn't want to and quit worrying about what they think. Or change your number and tell NO ONE your new number. Why do you allow the telephone to rule your life? I have a mobile phone and bought each kid one too, and removed my land-line from the house. It costs me less and also teaches kids to budget their airtime for the month. I know where my kids are and they are contactable, and I tell them when I intend to switch off my mobile for "me" time. Also, I have no hesitation in telling people if they are calling at a bad time, to call back. If it's important ,they will call back, if not, tough. But it took me years to get to this realization. Good luck Some things in life we have to do, some we dont have to do and some we feel obliged to do!
Do what want to when you can!
If you want to ignore the phone, do so, If someone comes knocking, you don't have to answer the door! Some answering machines have an "answer only - out going message" function. It does not allow people to leave a message. All the caller will hear is the brief statement you make. You might record the out-going message as "I am unable to speak on the phone at this time. I will be answering calls this Saturday morning. Please call back at that time. This machine will not allow you to leave a message, so please call back at that time. Thank you."
Then on Saturday, make sure you're out all day doing a fun activity in the morning...But make sure you set your answering machine to record with a new message, "I'm sorry I'm unable to take your call at this time, please leave your name, number & a brief message and I will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you." Then return all your calls on Sunday morning at 6am. Let the irritated answerer know the only available time you could find to return the call was right before you headed off for church. If they're Christian, they'll understand and forgive you.
Repeat every week. You are, in no way, obligated to return any phone call, ever.
People call you. They want to talk. They have a question. They expect you to call them back. You need time to yourself. You need time to relax. You are obligated to your children, to maintaining your house, and to working. You, most importantly, are obligated to yourself.
Ok, so-and-so calls to let you know there has been some horriffic accident in their family. You call them back asap because you are concerned about them. If that same so-an-so is only calling about something trivial as an excuse to babble you can feel free to not return the call. No, it's not rude. If you're that concerned about this person's daily trivial calls them make not of each call, as well as it's subject, then call her back every week or two and respond to each request.
These are not concerns that need to be answered daily so why should you pressure yourself to do so.
I hate phones but I use them when I need to. When I do I don't let others drag me into pointless conversations I don't enjoy. I spend no more time than it should take to set schedules and get things done with local friends. Anything else I find more comfortably dealt with in person. I can spend hours on the phone with friends who live far away. Then again, we don't call each other every week, let alone everyday. Our lives just aren't that interesting.
It sounds like your daughter's friend's mom might just need a friend. If you don't really care for her then don't worry about it. Maybe you know someone, though, that would get along with her. Maybe you can introduce them to each other. It may take getting together with both of them for lunch or dinner but it also may get her off your back.
If you do like her but just don't like the phone bit then explain it to her. Everyone I know knows I hate talking on the phone. They respect it because I don't push it and I do try to keep them as active parts of my life by making plans and getting together with them. I've never been good about anyone back within, even, a 48 hour period if there is no time limitation given.
Phones are a convenience. It is only your choice to let them be an inconvenience. You are not, in any way, responsible for how other people may feel about when and if you return their call.
PS: Crassidy's answer rocks You don't have to return calls...remember, it is YOUR phone, and YOUR time...
Granted, you have Caller ID...however, if the caller didn't leave a message, you are not to assume that it is important...if it was, they should have left you a message, or tried to reach you at an alternate number. So, if you don't feel like returning the call, don't. Most people (like your neighbor) just call to chit chat anyway, and your time is valuable, and you are the one that gets to decide if that is how you want to spend your precious few free hours a day. Don't feel bad.
Treat the phone like any other convenience...like a car, for example. If you don't want to drive someone somewhere, you wouldn't would you? Expecially if they were asking for rides just to do something trivial, like buy some flowers for their table...this would not be a necessity and they could definitely ask someone else. Let your friends who want to chit chat call other people and be sure to let them know that you are busy and that you will get back to them as soon as you can...remember, when YOU can.
If you do decide to go ahead and call your friend back, or if you happen to answer when she calls, make sure you set a clear guideline as soon as you start talking, but be polite..."I hate to get off the phone with you so quick, but I am really busy this evening, I will call you back when I can get the free time." That leaves YOU with the upperhand...because you told her that you would call her back *when you have the free time.* Hopefully she will get the hint and not call you back - and wait for you to call her...
However, if she is pushy and tries to keep you on the phone anyway, or calls back before you call her...you may just have to be straight with her and tell her that your free time is YOURS and you will not be using it on the phone for chit chat, but rather with your family. She may not like this, but, honestly, do you really need self absorbed people like this in your life anyway? Don't feel guilty of not returning back a phone call when you return home. You have life too and you need some quality time for yourself as well. The purpose of having a caller i.d is to know the person who is calling you, so at least you have an idea if you want to answer the phone or not. Don't be stress with this small things. |
