How do I get over my jealousy?

Okay, here's the situation. my bf has an ex in Japan that he still talks to from time to time, via telephone and email. She is the one that is initiating the contact via telephone because she has free international calling. Because of the time difference, she usually calls at 8:30 in the morning on the weekends when we're sleeping. Instead of just letting it go to answering machine, he usually picks up and they talk for about 2 hours. My bf says that there is nothing going on, and she's just a friend. In fact, he said she's actually starting to see someone else. But for some reason, I still have my doubts about her sincerity. They were together for about 5 years, when he decided it wouldn't work with him here, and her in Japan. So they broke up, and 3 months later, we started dating. She used to call everyday, but now it's every 3 to 4 months. I have found myself jealous of the time that he talks to her, and see her in a much different light than "just a friend." Any advice

I didn't have enough room before to mention that the topics that they talk about are far from sexual. Usually it's about the church they used to attend, her family, or this new guy she wants to date. And did I mention that they speak to each other in Japanese? I'm now in the process of learning Japanese, and can make out an occasional word. I think that also contributes to my uneasiness. One last thing, I have talked with him, and while this may sound stupid to some of you, I told him that I don't want to be the cause of him losing a friend. I have been in relationships where I've been forced to cut off all contact, and I don't want to be that type of person. Does this help a little more?

I wouldn't worry about it if she is in Japan. You said it yourself, she used to call everyday, now it is only 3 or 4 months. 5 years is a decent amount of time for people to be together so I would think they still have some kind of "bond." At least you know they are not seeing each other physically because she is there and he is wherever you are living.

Update to your last post. I think you have made up your mind and you know that there is nothing going on between them, so I would just let it alone. It seems to me like you are trying to find fault in him, a sort of reason to push him away. If you actually read over what you submitted as information you would be able to see that there is no harm being done. Also to the one that said that if you were to get married then the phone calls should stop, that is crazy, just cause you two decide to get married it doesn't magically make all your previous relationships/friendships go away. You are supposed to marry someone for who they are, not who you want them to be, thinking that you can change them. No matter how much you love each other you will always be two different individuals. Even though the Bible says you will become one flesh, that only means that you two should work towards a common goal for the both of you, not try to make someone into what you want them to be, having only your life's goals in mind.

Maybe when you get to see her..it will help?

But still.. try to get over it since she is japan......

let it go she call every 3 -4 month

talk to ur bf bout how it makes u feel or just immaturely let him know that u keep in contact with one of ur ex'es

Two words: RED FLAG. If you're considering marriage in the near future with this person, this can cause a serious problem. 2 hours is a long time to spend on the phone with someone else other than your significant other. If you're not a priority now, then you won't be a priority later, plain and simple.

If they do not talk as often as they once used to i would not worry about it, besides she is in a totally different place how many miles away? From Personal experience, past long term relationships can turn into good friendships, there should be nothing to be worried about. And if you are still having doubts be honest and open with your boyfriend, but if he says she is seeing someone and she doesnt call as much i'm sure it is just a good friendship they have kept.

How long have you and your bf been dating? I think that he still has feelings for her. You should move on. Trust me, he's lying... he gives you the excuse that she's seeing someone else now but if she decides to come back to him, he will take her back in an instant. Secondly, he doesn't respect you. He knows you are bothered by this but yet he continues to pick up the phone and talks to her for hours while you are there. Thirdly, do you want to feel this jealousy towards this relationship for as long as you are with this guy? Jealousy sucks. I think that jealousy has it's root cause...in this case, you have doubts about this girl's intentions towards your bf and your bf's feelings towards her. I'd say, break it off and move on. It' s better to be in a relationship where you do not feel jealous. If, on the other hand, you are just a habitual jealous person- regardless of who you are with-, then I'd suggest you get a grip of your own feelings and cure it inside, as that is just a sign of insecurity...and that is a different advice altogether.

At least it's not everyday anymore. It's something your just going to have to deal with inside of yourself. We all have that emotion, trust me. I use to be an extremely jelous person because I've been screwed over so many times. There is nothing you can really do. If you get mad at him then it will start fights that could eventually lead to a break-up. Your just gonna have to trust him and if there is anything fishy then it just wasn't meant to be. He's really the only person that can fix this.

I would be jealous as well for the simple fact that his ex is still so clingy to him. This is a hard one. Men are so dumb. Doesn't he know that this would make you insecure? Well if this gal is only calling every 3 or 4 months then try not to worry about it so much. If their conversations are very respectful and not intimate in anyway than be the bigger person and trust him. If his ex is making any kind of plans to see him again than that's when you put your foot down. As long as she is on the other side of the world let is slide for now and hopefully she will go away.

And if you two ever get married, then oh yeah phone calls stop. :-)

Forget the prick that asked the bed question. Here is the thing. Have you told him that it bothers you? If the answer is no, then I suggest that you do so. Guys are often clueless to the etiquette of relationships. If you have already told him how you felt, then you need to MAKE him understand that there are two sides to every coin. If the shoe was on the other foot sort of thing.
On a lighter note, there is a funny little game that you can play when someone calls and he answers the phone, no matter who... Start nibbling and being very seductive. Do a silent strip tease, even. Trust me, he'll be distracted.
You can even make it known to her by getting into his personal space while they are talking. If push comes to shove, talk to her too. I bet she'd be pissed if you interrupted her in the same situation. Women know the games that they play.
As for the tease. a good thing to start with is the opposite ear. Just a little tug with the teeth should do the trick.

To me, there is a big difference between jealousy (my definition: an emotional reaction to an unfounded threat of losing someone you care for) and reacting to a situation that you have evidence on! And that evidence is that he and her are talking.

If you have further evidence that what they are talking about, is intimate, then it is definitely not jealousy, and he needs to be told either her or you, but not both!!!

However, if they are talking in tones and topics that are nonsexual and unromantic, then be comfortable with the fact that he does not initiate such calls...and who cares if she calls again

I believe most, if not all, girls in your situation will share your feelings of jealousy. However, do remember that all relationships have to be based on a certain level of trust. On the other hand, I think he should also take your feelings into consideration when he continues to establish contacts with his ex. Try sharing your feelings with him and get him to understand how you really feel about his contacts with his ex. The ball will then be in his court and he has to decide whether to continue his contacts with her. Hopefully, a positive outcome will come out of it all. On a positive note, it seems that things are getting better, at least from your point of view, as the call is now every 3 to 4 months compared to everyday previously. All the best!

Girl you shouldn't get over your jealousy becuase that was a serious relationship. if he really broke it off with her then he should not want to talk to her. if it is bothering you and you have told him this then he should respect you enough to tell her to stop calling him. i know you have to trust him but he has to earn it first and fighting with you to talk to her is not gaining your trust. so i think that if he won't tell her to stop calling him then you should tell her.

this wont give you an answer.. but really nobody can give you an answer, its justgood to hear feedback.. BUt heres mine..
im in school in florida, my boyfriend is at home in winnipeg manitobaa canada jus in case lol. we've been together for 4 years, but we broke up for a year. so technically 3 years. he obviously screwed around while we werne't together. and now that we're back together, its been about a year and thers some girls that we see around who i know hes been with just from their word of mouth. but the thing is.. they're jealous of ME. no matter how much i cry or make myself feel sick about the situations, remind yoruself she is jealous of YOU. he doesn't want her, if he did, he would of moved to japan or vice versa. its somethign that'll always bug us but on his part, two hours is long, and he should cut it a bit short. have you told him that it kinda bugs you yet, that it makes you feel uncomfortable.. becuase i'm sure he would make some sacrafices for you:) GOODLuck!