This is for all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone! Don鈥檛 take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don鈥檛 know!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, 鈥淗ello?鈥?I politely said, 鈥淭his is Bobby Carpenter and could I please speak to Melissa Lewis?鈥?
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn鈥檛 believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Melissa鈥檚 correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Melissa, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a jackass!鈥?and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word 鈥渏ackass,鈥?and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I鈥檇 call him up. He鈥檇 answer, and I鈥檇 yell, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a jackass!鈥?It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, 鈥淗ello.鈥?
I made up a name. 鈥淗i. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I鈥檓 just calling to see if you鈥檙e familiar with our caller ID program?鈥?
He went, 鈥淣o!鈥?and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 because you鈥檙e a jackass!鈥?
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there鈥檚 ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 402-8863.
--------------------------------------...
An old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn鈥檛 think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she鈥檚 finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, 鈥淵ou can鈥檛 just do that, Buddy. I was here first!鈥?
The guy got out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn鈥檛 even hear me. I thought to myself, This guy鈥檚 a jackass. There are sure a lot of jackasses in the world. I noticed he had a 鈥淔or Sale鈥?sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I鈥檓 at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 402-8863 and yelling, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e jackass!鈥?(It鈥檚 really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I better call this guy too. He answered the phone and said, 鈥淗ello.鈥?I said, 鈥淚s this the man with the black Camaro for sale?鈥?
鈥淵es, it is.鈥?
鈥淐an you tell me where I can see it?鈥?
鈥淵es, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It鈥檚 a yellow house and the car鈥檚 parked right out front.鈥?
I said, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name?鈥?
鈥淢y name is Don Hansen.鈥?
鈥淲hen鈥檚 a good time to catch you, Don?鈥?
鈥淚鈥檓 home in the evenings.鈥?
鈥淟isten Don, can I tell you something?鈥?
鈥淵es.鈥?
鈥淒on, you鈥檙e a jackass!鈥?And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up, I added Don Hansen鈥檚 number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn鈥檛 as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. The man answered nicely saying, 鈥淗ello.鈥?
I yelled 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a jackass!鈥? but I didn鈥檛 hang up.
The jackass said, 鈥淎re you still there?鈥?
I said, 鈥淵eah.鈥?
He said, 鈥淪top calling me.鈥?
I said, 鈥淣o.鈥?
He said, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name, pal?鈥?
I said, 鈥淒on Hansen.鈥?
He said 鈥淲here do you live?鈥?
鈥?802 West 34th Street. It鈥檚 a yellow house and my black Camaro鈥檚 parked out front.鈥?
鈥淚鈥檓 coming over right now, Don. You鈥檇 better start saying your prayers.鈥?
鈥淵eah, like I鈥檓 really scared, Jackass!鈥?and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, 鈥淗ello.鈥?
I said, 鈥淗ello, Jackass!鈥?
He said, 鈥淚f I ever find out who you are...鈥?
鈥淵ou鈥檒l what?鈥?
鈥淚鈥檒l kick your butt.鈥?
鈥淲ell, here鈥檚 your chance. I鈥檓 coming right over, Jackass!鈥?And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
Glorious! Watching two jackasses beating the crap out of each other in front of siz squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life! i didnt actually do this, i found the joke off the internet. i'm not that crazy. My husband will have a good laugh, he loves mean fun too. Now he won't beat me for being on here all day. JUST JO-SHIN. Thanx for the funny. Too boring to read.. OK yeah, this made me giggle. Thanks, I needed that! :) omg rotflmfao... that's so horrible, but... somehow oddly amusing... VERY amusing... XP i skimmed over it it was funny as hell so im printing it out 4 me and friends ROTFLMAO! thats a riot! did you get pictures? did you bring popcorn? where can we rent this video?
awesome! that should be a movie. thats great! :)))) you pulled a really good one on them but the bad thing is that these guys could find out who you are and wou could really have some problems.I't worth the fun but still the guys could talk among them at the police station and see that they have been fooled talk to a police oficer and find out your number and adress.If this happens just tell them you had you nephew for the alst months.
Anyway it was fun to read :) . thats funny as hell and pretty creative wow this is realy funny kinda hard to believe u did all that but still very funny dude.....you ROCK !!!!! I'm laughing me *** off |
