She feels that she doesn't know anymore if their relationship has a chance.
She feels empty, confused and god dam tired. The trust issues have been
going on for so long, she doesn't know if it is possible to put it all
behind them. The trust issue has stopped alot of things happening in their
relationship. they don't have friends because of it, she doesn't work
because of it, they don't talk to old friends because of it. She wishes that
they could just start over, but she has tried this in her mind, she has
tried to trust , but when she thinks everything is going great something
else pops up and the trust issues are back in full force. Her boyfriend may
not realise what some of the things he has done, how they have effected her.
He probably doesn't realise how it makes her feel inside. He probably doesn't
realise how little trust she has for anyone anymore.
He probably doesn't realise that when you find out about your boyfriend
having an affair, weather it is in the flesh or on the internet. How it
makes you doubt yourself. How you start looking at yourself different. You
wonder why, you wonder what you possibly done to make him do that. You start
losing your confidence in yourself, on how you look. And yes you started
feeling that you are weak, because you wonder if you should have been strong
and ended it when it first happened. You lose your self respect. Everything
you do in life then becomes a reaction to those feelings and fears. You end
up feeling that you are constantly checking up on your boyfriend. You feel
you constantly in need attention and reasurance. LIes have been told and you
start to ask yourself, is it the truth, with everything thats been told to
you. The doubts are always there. Your mind ends up going crazy and truth
and lies become one. You no longer feel rational.
He puts a pill in her drink, knowing how she feels about drugs. Does he know
how bad this is, how it is a big betrail, how even this makes her doubt
herself and wonder why, is their sex life that bad for him to do this. Even
when she says that he did that, he denys it until he has no choise but to
tell her the truth.
Your life around you becomes a mess. You can't find the energy during the
day to get anything done, you have to constitly push yourself to achive the
smallest of tasks. The house ends up looking like a bomb has hit it, because
that is how you are feeling inside. You know longer go into town, because
you feel so lonely walking around by yourself and if her boyfriend is home,
deep down you have the fear that he will use this time that she is away to
get on the net . She even has the fear that when he goes to the shop he uses
the payphone to phone, god knows who. But that is what your life becomes,
that is what my life has become. You doubt everything around you. New
neighbours move in and your first thought is , is she goodlooking, will he
think she is.............. how stupid is that........ his friends come to
visit, and you pray to god that his friends wife is not some georgous girl
with a body to kill for lol..........you hear him on the telephone and your
first thought is who is he talking to. See you doubt everything and
everyone around you, you no longer think like a rational person......... you
start seeing things that are not really there. She feels that she is so
close to breaking point, she feels that somedays she is just hanging on by a
thin thread.
So he has asked her if she should give it another chance. Will he feel the
same way when he realises the extent of the mistrust. Can she afford to give
it another go, knowing that she is not that far out of a loney ward
lol...................So my answer to you, is i can't give you a direct
answer, I wish we had of sat down months ago and really tried to discuss
everything and work things out. I wish that i could take us back to the
start, but we know that is not possible. I wish we could undo the things
that have been done, but that is not possible. I wish i could have been more
open to you and told you how i was feeling inside, but i didn't. It doesn't sound as though he was worth giving as much go as he has already been given.
Best Wishes
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