Why do married couples stay together after one/both have cheated?

I just don't get it! Life is hard as it is, why make it more complicated, especially with children! There are too many questions posted asking "Does she/he love me still?" The answer is NO! Move On! Get a divorce! After one has cheated, the lies start, there is sneaking around, leaving kids here & there, (poor children) hiding telephone calls and whatever else. Then, there is no trust left! It becomes a big cat & mouse game! Whats the point of staying and working it out? It's OVER! Why hang onto nothing, I believe the marriage will never be the same, even with counseling! There will alway be that thought that maybe he/she is with someone else, cause they are late coming home, or took too long getting home from the market, etc... All I'm saying is if someone cheated in a marriage, get rid of them ASAP! Does anyone else agree?

Just for the record, I am definetely not the "other woman" in a cheated situation. Neither would I have ever dated/gone out with/or even been seen with a man who was in a relationship with another. Too many people were asking the obvious questions about their situation, (cheating) and the answer I think is clear! After cheating, the love is gone What's love gotta do with it after that?" I would'nt even try counseling & no 2nd chances on my time! This is my one happy life and I deserve the best man to make it for me! If these woman/men want to stay with a cheater, they will be the miserable one deep down inside, not the cheater. The cheater won once again! He/She had their cake and ate it too! And probably will again! I'm glad to see many strong minded people out here!

There is no love if your partner has cheated on you. Maybe you still love them, but they DO. NOT. LOVE. YOU. if they can do that to you. I don't care what the reason is - stress, boredom, whatever. If you can't work it out with the person you supposedly love more than anyone in the world, then respect them enough to tell them the truth and allow them to move on.

I would never stay with someone who cheated on me. If they can lie to me, if they can disrespect and humiliate me like that, then they do not love me. Simple. I will not stay with someone who does not love me.

maybe love? maybe it was a mistake, and now they both want to start over? could be many reasons.

I agree with you entirely. i think it is so sad when i see someone staying with their spouse after they know one has cheated. It gets on my nerves!!! I would never stay with a guy who cheated. I understand what your saying.

its probably the best thing to do.....people have a hard time letting go b/c they have all ready fallen in love with the other person, and when things are going really good its the happiest they ever are, and then when they are not, cheating may occur......it sucks, but i know sooo many people in the situation......but also there are so many fish in the sea.....and people that get cheated on should leave and find the guy who would NEVER do that to them and make them feel so sad in that way!

I agree, but some people cant just pick up and move on. Who makes more money? would the wife or husband be able to make it on there own? But i agree once a cheater always a cheater. That's one thing i think that shouldn't be forgiven

Because marraige vows are sacred. And yes while they are broken by one, maybe the other party is capable of God's grace and forgiveness?

Is it a tremendous responsibility to live up to ? You bet. But don't get married if you can't try to do it, not matter what comes. Just live together. If you are that willing to throw in the towel, then don't take the sacred vow.

Yeah I agree but people have real deep feelings about people and sometimes its hard for people to find another girlfriend or partner or w/e. Ur completely right though, but its hard for some people. Imagine someone is married for 5 years, which actually isnt too long when you compare it to anothers. Some people are so into there partners that they do not want to believe it, or dont want to find some else, thinking it's too hard to do that.

love come in many different package its they stress
you stay force on your life and move on its no answer they have to grow up them self
you show them the right way out the door dont cloud your mine with they problem they are still together

you have been hurt and you are mad. heres why people cheat and in the end they stay together.....love. they love each other and they know they cant live without each other. it is not because of the kids or the security, it is love. people cheat because they hear things that their spouse has not told them in a while and it all sounds good and it turns out to be just a sexual thing when they cheat, thats why they end up going back to what is familar, their spouse. i dont agree with you.
you seem like you are the other woman and your man is cheating on his wife with you. and you want him to get a divorce. you dont sound like a married woman that her hubby has just cheated.
anyway goodl uck in the future.

"Stupidity"

i agree. definitely. but at the same time, there are marriages that have gone on after the cheating. and they claim to be happy for that choice. everyone wants the happy ending. everyone wants to be the exemption to the rule. and in the end whose to say YOU wouldn't take a cheating spouse back. i HOPE that if i catch my husband cheating on me, i'd walk out the door that same hour. never to come back. because i am under the belief that if he loved me, really loved me, he'd never cheat on me. so yes, i agree. if your spouse cheats, he/she is wasting your time and you should spend your time with someone who won't break your heart on purpose. and to be honest, that whole "what took you so long coming home from work/market/church" question will be applied to everything!!! and its more nerve racking on the cheated spouse to have to live with that everyday.

It all depends on why the person cheated in the first place. If there are issues in the marriage, maybe counseling will work.. maybe not. But, if you are both committed to the relationship, and are both sorry about the cheating.. then, maybe things will work. It will take time.. a lot of time.. and to some people, it is a value.. not to divorce, no matter what.. "till death do us part"..

You just totally blew my mind.... Where do I vote for your answer within your question? LOL
I couldn't agree with you more, nor could I have said it any better!!! Once you or your spouse has cheated, its over.... the trust is gone! - - - Move on....

I think that mantra for successful marriage is 'trust'! and its almost impossible to gain trust after losing it.But marriage is much more than a physical relationship.So i think for that sake one chance should be given! Give yourself a chance to get over it,if the other person is sincerely sorry for his/her mistake.But if it is actually repeated ever again,then my dear,it will keep happening.And separation may be in everyones best interest including the children.Having an irresponsible parent if far much worse that not having any,i think!

I always thought I would say the same thing-"If he cheats on me, it's over and I am getting a divorce!" Then, it happened to me. I can tell you are not speaking from experience. I left and stayed gone for a while. My husband and I talked and he desperately wanted to work things out. It has been hard and has taken a lot of work on both of our parts. We have really great days and really bad days. It all depends on the people and the situation-there can never be a blanket judgement as to whether someone should stay or leave. We have been in counseling and we are actually stronger than ever. I now refer to it as the most difficult blessing I have ever been bestowed. At least for my case, things had to hit rock bottom for us to realize how much we love each other and how much we have to lose AND gain. From experience, trust can be reearned through time, work, and yes-heartbreak over worrying about the 'whatifs" but after checking the phone records for the 50th time that week and realizing yes, he is telling me the truth.

still trying to figure it out myself