I lied to my husband about my daughter (his step-daughter)?

My daughter got her cell phone taken away 2 months ago, I took it away because she disobeyed the rules. Well I wasn't going to give it back to her but I changed my mind and gave it back to her, however i had not told my husband yet and then she called me last night from her cell phone and my husband answered my phone, she hung up and he asked who that was and i told him it was probably just a friend of mine because i wanted to break it to him gently that i had given her cell back to her. well he figured out it was her and now he is pissed because i lied to him about who it was calling me. i am not sure what to do because we dont even pay the bill on the phone my mother does because it was a gift to my daughter and we dont have a house phone and i dont like the thought of either of my kids not having access to a telephone while im at work. please help with advise on how i can smooth this over without getting divorced. by the way my daughter is 16 almost 17 and drives too

If it were me, I would not be upset that you gave back the phone. You had good reasons and in our family, either parent can ammend a punishment if we deem it necessary.

I would be highly upset, mad, ticked off, resentful and distrusting because you lied. I would wonder what else you have lied about. And I would feel alienated that you chose to "pit" my step-daughter against myself.

You are also teaching your daughter that you aren't a team. She is not going to respect your husband, her step-father, if you show this kind of disrespect.

You are going to sabotage your marriage by doing things like this behind his back. Come clean and confess what you did. I am a step mom and nothing pissed me off more than my husbands lies to protect his disrespectful, rude, "entitled", son.

Apologize, apologize, then apologize again. When he starts listening, the commit to him you'll never lie again (and don't). Then treat him nice to make sure he knows you meant it and knows you really won't ever lie again.

Tell him what you just everyone here. You want her to have a phone in case of emergency. Especially if she is driving or home without a phone. Apologize for lying to him and explain why you did. Then don't lie about stuff like this again. Especially since it is his daughter. I am sure if you had told him in the beginning why you wanted to give it back to her he would have been fine with it. And maybe found something else to take away as punishment.

You need to always be honest and always be on his side when it comes to discipline. If you both agree to something, you BOTH need to stick with it. Anyway, I think you've learned your lesson. Apologize and promise that you will not let it happen again. But, be honest when the two of you are deciding punishments in the future---if you are not comfortable with what he suggests don't agree just for the sake of agreement. You're worried about divorce? Is your marriage hanging on by THAT thin of a thread that this could be what breaks it? If that's the case, seek counseling to learn how to work as a team. Good luck!

if you think you are going to get divorced over a disagreement over a cell phone, your marriage has a lot of problems that you need to have addressed.

He can be upset all he wants, this is your child, and you, ultimately, can choose how to punish your child, or when it ends. This is not his biological child.

If you want to ensure the child always has access to a phone, then choose something else to take away as punishment from now on if she breaks the rules. You just simply tell him you feel her safety is more important and will be using a different method from now on.

Personally, we keep a pre-paid cell phone in the glove compartment of all our cars for emergency use only.

Admit your error.

Be sincere.

From now on, OPEN COMMUNICATION!

Oh and ps, 17 is old enough for a part time job to pay for her own phone.

I think the best thing to do is explain to him why you didnt tell him the truth and explain the reason you felt she needed the phone...but try to see his side also.you kind of stepped over his parenting authority he has when you both didnt agree on the discipline.

You need to tell him and apologize. But I agree the kids absolutely need to have telephone access while you are at work. This is a safety issue.

It's hardly worth divorcing over. You shouldn't have lied to him though. Going to be hard to regain that trust. I'd ask for forgiveness, promise to never do it again and then take him to the bedroom.

well tell him that it is not really too much of a concern to him since your mother pays it...she is old enough to have a phone and she should....what if she gets in to an accident and doesnt have a phone with her? he needs to think about this before he gets all pissed off...god bless and happy new year!

He will have to get over it, Just tell him you are sorry and that is that.

first of all, she's YOUR daughter, whether he's helped raise her or not. You set the rules. She's driving age, she needs her cell phone. Regardless of what they've done, I wouldn't take a cell phone away, esp when they're out traveling.... Another issue is, if you're afraid of a divorce (hopefully that was just a figure of speech) over something this trivial? Yes, a lie is a lie, but for your daughter's safety, she needs a cell phone....let it go!!!

You were wrong. Call a family conference, and in front of your daughter, confess your lack of judgment. I would leave the phone where it is unless your husband mentions it, and then you could take it back, telling your daughter that you will discuss it in private, and let her know what decision you and your husband arrive at. Good luck. This can be fixed. It was a glitch, but it can be fixed.

I'm sorry but fighting over the use of a cell phone wouldn't be a big dilemma for me. He should get over it.

What? this is silly!!!! tell the truth. You are worried if they don't have a phone, you lied because you were scared of how he may react. find a different punishment. divorce over this?? you may have bigger problems. Speak up!! It sounds like he is mad at your lying not giving the phone back.

you might just tell him that you you though it over and that you were concerned over your daughters safety. That is why you choose to return it! You might have a talk with you daughter about how she can take some other form of punishment? Or explain the same to her. I think that he should see this as reasonable. I would sincerely apologize for the lie! That will do more damage than you think! It really grows. good luck

Let me get this straight, you took the phone away, gave it back and lied to your husband about your decision.

The problem is not her having a phone. Teenagers in cars SHOULD have a phone for no other reason than your ability to ride herd.

The PROBLEM is your decision making. Why would you decide to hide this from your husband? Why would you further decide to lie about it?

Frankly you really did not have the right to take THAT gift away and should have found a different punishment for her transgressions. As she is your husband's STEP Daughter why would he have such a major say in her punishment that you would hide this?
Apologise to your daughter AND your husband and work on your own thought process.

Good Decisions go a long way toward avoiding this type of problem.
Hiding this kind of thing is NEVER a good idea.

I agree with Iam1funn...you are teaching your daughter that she doesn't have to respect your husband. When you get into a relationship, that person comes first. I have 2 children with my ex-husband, and have been with my current boyfriend for 7 years now...and all discipline is discussed and decided by both me and my boyfriend. My kids know that I love them dearly, and my boyfriend loves them like they're his own. So any and all disciplinary actions are decided on by both of us.
As far as the cell phone and not being able to have access to a phone while you're at work...I wonder how we survived at their age with no cell phones...but somehow we made it....people use that as an excuse now, but people CAN survive without cell phones....anyone 30 and over are living proof that you can make it through your teens without a cell phone attached to your ear.

don't confuse this with talk about your daughter's need for a phone. The real issue is that you lied to your husband. Thats what he is mad about. The phone is just an object that you can focus on to shift the arguement, but in the long run you lied to him and you have to settle that before you discuss the phone. Start off with this "I am sorry I did not tell you I gave my daughter back her phone, and I am more sorry for lying to you about it." Then go into why you think she needs to have a phone. Untill you clear up the lying part of it, the phone part will be argued about forever.