Any advise for disciplining a problem child?

My daughter has a problem with athority and following directions. I have been making her write sentances for the infractions when she gets in trouble, as well as taking away extracuricular activities like TV, computer, telephone, and going outside.
Her teacher has moved her to a seperate seat in the classroom (this is the 3rd year of this) and is now making her punishments in the classroom more severe. She's in 2nd grade.
Both her teacher and I are at our wits end, we don't know how to make this any worse.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WILL ANSWER ABOUT POSSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: I already do this. Telling her she's done good and I'm proud of her makes her eyes light up, but the first time something is said about how she needs to get something done (pick up her backpack, hang up her jacket etc.) she pitches a fit and exclames how she "can't do anything" !?!
Daily reinforcement doesn't work, because after she gets what she wants she acts up 10x worse the next day.

Weekly reinforcement doesn't work because she cannot go an entire week without an infraction.
I have considered that she is looking for attention because of a younger sibling, but they both get the same amount of attention. I've treid not to dump the whole "yuo're older" thing on her, but it is a fact and usually when it comes up it's like "You're older and know better, he looks up to you, you need to set a better example". It's the only real reponsibility she has concerning her brother (4). Some kids her age are more like built-in babysitters.
I don't see where she has it so bad.

HELP PLEASE!

Where's her Dad? Perhaps he needs to step up and be a disciplinarian. Sometimes children take their father's more seriously. Is she getting adequate one on one time with you or are you a busy working mother who is exhausted and cranky at the end of the day? Don't take offense, just curious. I saw on a Nanny 911 show a while back that the kids were acting up when the Mom was doing stuff for herself but not spending enough one on one time focused on them. Maybe you could plan a Mommy and Daughter day where you take her out to lunch and you go to the beach and just hang out or something. Also make sure that she has plenty of quality time with her Dad too. Little girls really need that. Studies show that girls who don't have fathers, or a stable father figure, actively involved in their lives become more rebellious and promiscuous in their early teens. Sounds like she's angry about something and is lashing out by being difficult. What would she be angry about? Does she do well in school? Can she read well? What is her diet like? Does she get plenty of fish and vegetables? Is she getting adequate sleep at night? Is she watching more than an hour of TV a day? Is she on the computer too much?? Does she have friends? There are a number of areas that you have to examine to determine what's causing the problem.

Best wishes.

Figure out the why to the outbursts and bad behavior.
seems you and the teacher are doing everything you can once the bad behavior rears it head.
get to the root cause if you can either yourself or with outside help, grand parent or even a therapist, and eliminate or deal with the root cause of her outbursts.

If punishments do not work, no new punishment will most likely.
good luck

Have you considered a slight spanking, by you, not her teacher. I am also not saying to hit her very hard. Just a quick hit she will learn her lesson. Don't show remorse or sympathy though. If you are against that try things like when she doesn't put away her jacket not giving it to her. The same thing goes for toys. If she pitches a fit just ignore her. It is a plea for attention. If matters continue to get worse you may want to seek the help of a psychiatrist.
Attention to other siblings can be hard to manage for a young one. That could be the root of the problem. Having a "new addition" to the family could feel like a threat to her place in your heart, even if they get the same amount of attention. Try doing things with all of you like going to the park to show you are one family, and nobody is less than another.

It sounds like you have a bright child who could be bored and may need a more challenging environment at school...being ostracized is NOT the answer.
The positive reinforcement is neccessary, being sure to let her know that SHE is WONDERFUL, her BEHAVIOUR is NOT.
try one task at a time; tell her the benefits of hanging up her bookbag everyday, such as- she keeps things where they belong, teaches her sibling by example, makes YOU very proud... always knows WHERE her bookbag is... :-)
let her concentrate on getting that task down to a good habit, that will be something she knows she can easily do that will make YOU tell her you are proud, shortly she will begin to see the benefit for herself....she will feel proud of herself too... she CAN do something! (especially when the sibling follows her lead...)
good luck....

The problem behavior is a symptom of a bigger issue. You have to get to the root of what's causing her to be so difficult. Discipline is not the answer... healing the core cause of the problem is. She's angry about something and you're not seeing it. What's going on in her life?

Forget the positive reinforcement, it's time to start punishing her. If she does something wrong, forget the sentences, that does nothing to a 2nd grader. Separate her from what she is doing in a specific "naughty" chair and leave her there for one minute per year of age.
When you ask her to do something, start to do it with her. Eventually she'll do it on her own.
I would also examine her diet--eliminate all the refined sugar.

Is her Dad around? What does he say about this?

Well, I think Sir Smart and blonde_mama hit the nail on the head with this one. Children act out because there is something internal going on that they are having a hard time dealing with. Instead of trying to deal with the bad behavior, which is the symptom of the problem, try to figure out what she is so upset about. She might not even realize that she's upset conciously or why she is but there is something there.

Many people have brought it up and I am just curious to know ~ Where is her Dad and what part does he play in her life? What does he have to say about this issue?

sounds like an angry and hurting child who doesn't know how to handle what she's feeling. like others have mentioned the issue that you focus on shouldn't be the bad behavior but WHY she is behaving that way. as far as the paddle you mentioned -- get rid of it. if that worked than you wouldn't have the problem that you do. how do YOU handle your feelings/emotions? Is she modeling you?

my friend has a daughter who is much like this. they ended up having to take her to a therapist and found out she had a slight hearing problem as well as a learning disability that only affects how she processes information. they were taught by the therapist HOW to talk to her so that she was able to understand and remember tasks.

before this they just thought she was a strong willed child! they had no idea and there seemed to be no outward clues that there were any physical problems behind her behavior.

Sometimes children are like a mirror being held up to ourselves. Is she reflecting the anger or stress that you have inside of you that is permeating through the household? Children pick up on these things. Don't spank her. All you are teaching her when you do that is that it's okay to deal with frustration in that manner. It's not appropriate or mature. You're the adult. You should have control over your emotions around her.

It sounds like she is lashing out because she is frustrated about something. By continually punishing her and not addressing why she is acting that way you are just keeping the problem going and making it much, much , much worse in the long run. Sit down with her and talk to her. She might not be able to get in touch with her feelings well at this age but it's a start. You have to look at your situation and the family dynamic. There is something there that is causing this acting out issue.

I bet you the issue has a lot to do with the fact that her father "isn't much help". Does he pay attention to her? What is your relationship with him like? Are YOU angry all the time? Children learn what they live. I never blame a child for their behavior. I blame the parents.

ok first of all if shes bad stop telling her shes good and your proud. thats bull. now you need to smack her until she learns how to act and if your like some parents you are worried about them calling the police but if they threaten you with that give them the phone and say you call the police but first you call the ambulance and say theres a dead little girl in my house harsh but it works

It sounds like she is desperate for your attention good or bad. I understand that you feel like you have tried everything, I read a book last year that really change me and the way that I view each of my children ages 9, 7,& 5. The book is called The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. It teaches that everyone gives and receives love in different ways. Maybe your local library has it, you can request it if they don't.
Another book that I read about the same time was Making Childern Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman. I found both books to be helpful. Being consistant and following through are the most important things for a somewhat "single parent" in my opinion. My husband is military and has been deployed or in training for the past 2 yrs. So it has been up to me to handle everything without him being able to help out. I hope this will be of help to you.

DEAR

THAT IS YOUR THAT IS DADDY,S LITTLE ANGEL AND UNTIL HE HELPS YOU
YOU ARE ON YOUR ON OK
JUST KEEP THE SPANKING UP AND SHE WILL GET MASSAGE IN HER LITTLE HEY WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS BEGINNING TO HURT MY BOTTOM OK

TAKE CARE

1. Does she has enough friends in the neighbourhood and also school? Maybe she is missing friends. Thats why such behaviour, I think. healthy interaction amongst friends (specially of opposite gender) helps a long way in moulding a child.
2. Do you think she has some hobbies which can be pursued with your active involovement?
3. Dont ostracise her or behave as if something is terribly wrong her. Also request the teacher to behave 'normally'.
4. Seek professional help as if untreated, she might become really obstinate.


Good luck!


Well, as always mothers are much more concerned about their own flesh. Hats off to you dear.