Can a Counselor give me the answers?

I've been dating this man for close to two years, and he has not proposed to me. There is an intensity between us... well it would take too long to describe the situation. Anyway, some people think he is 'using' me - he drives my car all the time, etc etc. What most people don't know is he has an ex-live-in-girlfriend of 15 years who he is in constant telephone contact with, as they share a business and adopted daughter.

Can a counselor help me decide if this man is right for me? I'm 30. I want to get married and I feel like he is the one, but there are so many 'issues' I just don't know if they are things we should work past, or if these are very stupid things on my part. I just cannot waste my life, as I have so little of it left to find a man and start a family.

You are wasting your life, and I think you know it. His issues are red flags and you know that too. He hasn't proposed because he doesn't want to marry you. What you describe as "intensity" is probably a shared unhealthy dependency. If people think he's using you, I'm sure they're right. You really don't need a counselor- you already know the truth and just need to stop denying it.

i would speak to a counselor, friend, minister, etc. if i were you. they can give you some guidance to sort things out so you can make a good decision.

You need to move on without him. The things you list sound like things that bug you. Get rid of his butt. Find someone who will do for you, not you them all the time..

yes, a counselor, particularly a licensed marriage/family counselor, can help you pinpoint what is going on within you, but really cannot help you with what is going on within HIM.

Once you reach some clarification abour yourself, you will be better equipped to make a sound decision for yourself and your future.

Your man has to stop the constant contact with his ex, he's obviously not over her. Don't sell yourself short, you still have time to find a man who will treat you right and be focused on only you.

YOU need to decide whether he's right for you or not. The whole thing sounds sketchy. You sound as though you already ARE wasting your life with him. Talk to him and ask where the hell things are going, ask if he wants to marry you. Tell him to stop playing games.

A counsellor cant give you the answers but might help you find them

the man may have his own set of problems - commitment phobias and otherwise arising form his previous situation

you need to discuss with him what you need and you need and where you want the relationship to head - and see where he is at
does he know you want to start a family?

if you both love each other then some joint counselling may also be worthwhile


so in a nutshell - you are still young - its worth trying to resolve this with him and then you can make an informed decision instead of one based on fears and insecurities

To me, this man sounds sort of suspicious. I would talk to him, and also actually go see a counselor, because asking people on yahoo answers who could be making something up off the top of their heads is pretty risky. But I would be careful. Good luck.

Well my friends have been together for 5 years and havent proposed yet............Have you to talked about marriage? If not bring it up....I honestly dont think counselors work.... You need to figure this out on your own! Maybe hes just not ready yet... Talk to him... Get reasured.

#1 if he was with his ex for 15 years and never married her... don't expect him to ask you... thats just dumb of you... #2 marriage is a stupid idea anyways... 50% just end up getting devorced... you don't have to get married to be in a happy comitted relationship...

you need to be honest with your self. Is he really the one for you.
Just by reading this i feel he is using you.and he has more than a daughter relationship with his ex live in..you have been wasting your life with him.
you have many issues and that is not good. if you were sure . then there wouldn't be issues .

No. You need to find this answer within yourself. When there are so many "issues" as you mention, it's a sure sign of failure. Find someone who wants you, supports you, and doesn't have so much baggage. You deserve a family life without the complications he has attached. Good Luck. (p.s - you have lots of time left !!)

I am not a counselor but i think i can give you some advice ... if your questioning if you should be with him and if hes the one ... MOST LIKELY hes not. Marriage is a HUGE thing ... it is not something you do - just to do. Just because you are 30 doesn't mean you need to rush into it. You still have time. Really look at this man and think if you were 25 would you still be interested? i see a lot of people who get married for the wrong reasons -- Whether it be because there age ... or they THINK they cant get better ... or whatever. If i were you - i would end it with this guy .. it seems like he has a lot of baggage and you that you guys have many issues -- and your not even married! ... Save yourself and find someone you absolutelyyyyyyyyyy know you are in love with and couldnt live without!

Okay, I am not sure what a counselor would tell you, but I am going to tell you that there is someone out there for you......but it isn't the guy who drives your car all over and has an "ex" live-in- girlfriend with an "adoptive" daughter......he has to much baggage, and it sounds almost as if this guy you are dating and his ex have an open relationship. Hun, you are a better person than that. You really need to get your car back and control of your life. You have looked for love in all the wrong places........"true love" will find you..........

Well only you can decide if he is right for you .30 yrs your
still young . Getting married having children for the wrong reason .Is this the man you want to raise your children >Are you sure he will be there yrs from now. Please don't rush into a relationship unless you can live alone if he leaves,Marriages is something that takes years
to get to know the person. I know you think your clock is running down. But look what will happen if you move to fast.
This guy has issues you have guestion.He is cheating on you .That hasn't changed in 2 yrs, Sorry he is using you get your car back. Or you will be walking. Open your eyes. Just my thought Read what you wrote It didn't cost you anything.