Are these definitions funny or true?

Consciousness - the time between naps.


Accountant - someone you hire to explain that you didn't make the money you did.


Wedding - a funeral where you smell your own flowers.


Justice - a decision in your favor.


Paradox - two physicians.


Court of law - the place where a suit is pressed and a man can be taken to the cleaners.


Flattery - an insult in gift wrapping.



Alimony - the cost of loving.


Capitalism - the survival of the fattest.


Oboe: An ill woodwind that no-one blows good.


Impeccable: having immunity to woodpeckers.


Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.


A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.


A born loser: Somebody who calls the telephone number that's scrawled in lipstick on the phone booth wall -- and his wife answers.

Hi Ducky,
Hahahahahaha..You made me laugh and the last one is PRICELESS My Friend.. Big Star for you..
A Friend,
poppy1

The last one about a born loser is very funny ha ha ha !!

the born loser...hahahaha!! thanx!!

Sad but true ha ha ha ...thanks for the giggle