I have always suspected I have social anxiety. My earliest memory is being 3 years old at the playground with my Dad.
There was another little girl playing there and my Dad told me to go make friends with her and I remember feeling so afraid. I was like, "What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm stupid? Why can't SHE talk to ME first?" etc.
Now i'm 24 years old. I lose friendships all the time because I get afraid to answer the telephone when they call me or to do stuff with people, even if I know them well. I'm afraid they'll think I'm uninteresting and boring. Also, I've gained like 40 lbs since high school, so I feel like everyone who sees me is laughing at me and thinks I'm ugly and fat.
I don't even let my boyfriend of 5 years see me naked. I think you think too much about what others will think of YOU. Get your mind on them...ask them questions about them, like what is their favorite color, food, ice cream, hobby, pets, idea of a dream vacation,music, etc. Safe subjects that might lead to conversation.
Your feelings about yourself aren't necessarily facts. When someone phones you say I'm so glad you called, what's new and put the ball in their court. If they want to go somewhere with you ask what they will wear or where you can eat while you are out.But for heaven sakes don't become a hermit. See social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.
Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit.
Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing. One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and scream out: "I'm queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". But, you're probably not up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. EATING PLANS: Go to: h t t p : / / c h o o s e d i e t . b l o g s p o t . c o m (you should type it in the usual manner) and select one, possibly changing, later. Eat 6 - 8 small meals, daily, with a little protein in each, preceded 20 minutes earlier with a large glass of water: this speeds up weight loss. Snack on any amount of celery sticks, with the occasional carrot stick, and/or slices of cucumber, tomato, bell pepper/capsicum, or raw onion, in any vinegar (a little salt & pepper/chilli powder is OK, but no oil, or sugar! Rinse your mouth with water, later, if using vinegar. Your body needs a small amount of [ preferably olive, or premium coconut* ] oil, daily, to be healthy: about 2 teaspoonsful, if not getting it in the rest of your food intake already). Understand and accept that many people use food in an attempt to fill an emotional void, which is unhealthy, and never works. Others eat out of boredom, so have plenty of things to keep you occupied. Sometimes I use http://www.stumbleupon.com/ or http://www.coolsiteoftheday.com/ EATING PLANS: See http://www.foodaddiction.org and http://www.ediets.com/ and http://www.oa.org/index.htm and http://www.fatloss4idiots.com EATING DISORDERS: http://emotionalhealth.ivillage.com/... and http://www.eating-disorder-research.com/ and http://www.webhealth.com/wiki/eating_dis... and http://www.edreferral.com and http://www.something-fishy.org/dangers/d... and
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_d... and
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles... and
http://www.addictions.net/ Call EDAP on (USA) 1-800-931-2237 (8am - noon, Pacific Time) & Eating Disorders Center: USA 1-888-236-1188. More at: http://www.coolnurse.com/hotlines.htm Also view hypnotism for weight loss (if fairly suggestible) at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 60. Put: "nutritional type" in the taskbar, at * http://www.mercola.com/ and enter: find out what yours is, and build an eating plan around it for the future: include considerable variety, so that you never get bored with it. Get more information about some ways to overcome your fear, anxiety and phobia at my profile. |
