I just found out that my wife was cheating on me, whats next?

Now this should sound like a soap opera:
I picked up a telephone call at home and a lady said "did you know that your wife has been cheating on you for years?" She gave me the name + phone of the guy and said the rest is up to you to find out. I was in shock, so I broke the rules of confidentiality at home and installed a Keylogger in our Computer. My wifes mails confirmed that she had an affair that lasted for 2 years (she 36, he 25), but was over for a year or so since she found out that she was just one of several girls he dated.
The funny thing is, she seems to be obsessed with this guy, looking every day at his pictures in hi5, trying to interfere with his love affaires and even buying a book "how to get back with your ex".
Well, I confronted her, told her all I knew and that I had also spoken to the guy and guess what she answered:" Cheating would have been if I had been with both of you at the same time." True, she broke intimacy with me 3 years ago ... but I feel very bad now

Sounds like a mid-life crisis. She's going for a younger fellow and seems obsessed. You probably feel quite played. If you don't have kids, the decision is super easy. Get out! If you do have kids, your choices are: Become a swinging couple (fair is fair) or get ready for WW III.

In either case, start hitting the gym and looking your best.

Dude, that chick has to go!

You should have known when she stopped having sex with you...however if she did not end the marriage, it was still cheating. Don't feel bad...there are good women out there who will not cheat on you, leave tha *****

She has a definite issue and is obsessive about that guy and the old affair. The affair is now* to you!!! Maybe now is the time to push for counseling to find out if she wants a new and better life with you, otherwise, kick her to the curb. It will be hard to ever trust her again, you want to live with that?

divorce!!!

Are you on crack? Lose her!

Well sounds like it is time for a good lawyer. You need to be with someone who respects you, it is quite obvious that your wife doesn't. I am very sorry for what you are going through. I wish you well.

Her idea of cheating is really dumb....if your married and she had sex with someone other than you.... ITS CHEATING... It's up to you but I'd divorce her....

Agreed....Get rid of her

Well she's wrong about what cheating is. She was cheating. I'm not sure why you'd be with her still especially since you have been intimate for 3 years. That's an invitation to leave.

It doesn't matter if she hasn't been having sex w you. You are still married. My advise to you if she is in love w this guy then you need to move on in your own life. True it's hard and will take awhile to get over but it will be worth it and you deserve to find someone who will be faithful to you and respect you and your wife is doing neither.

she still cheated say good bye to her and find someone who will respect you, you dont deserve that, divorce her and let her go stalk the younger dude, and he will end up utting her crazy *** locked up where she belongs, throw her out and get divorced and find someone nice who will repect you and love you, you dont need her, no body does

Ouch, I feel you pain... Cheer up, like the rest of the netizen will say, "There will be others out there that is perfect for you and move on" The truth hurts and just be glad you know the truth. It will hurt for a while, but eventually the pain will subside and you will move on. Hang in there.

Why do you feel bad...no matter what she cheated and now you must ask your self if she is worth the work to gain the trust back or should you just move on.
Your wife's way of thinking isn't' healthy at all when it comes to sex with another man...

It's sad that you are losing your marriage. If you haven't been intimate in 3 years you probably had some suspicion that the end was coming but chose to hope otherwise. That must make it doubly painful for you.
Your wife has moved on sexually and emotionally. You deserve someone who is with you completely and not just for convenience. I pray you don't have kids, but that may be the only reason she stayed. Get to counseling with her or leave. If she doesn't want to be your wife you are better off alone.

Ok let me get this straight, you stayed in a relationship without any intimacy from your spouse for 3 years...and tolerated it?? Did you not at any time suspect that she was getting it somewhere else? Or wonder whyshe wasn't afraid you were getting it somewhere else?? I mean if you look you should have seen this coming like a freight train through your living room.
I can't tell you to leave her...but I can tell you everyone will think you're a fool if you don't!

If she isn't sleeping with you that's enough of a reason to leave! She's withholding love from you that you deserve if you're a good, caring, loyal husband. If she is married to you she has made a commitment to you as well...so it's still cheating! I know it has to hurt, but you had to see it coming. Let her go! If she wanted to keep you she would have kept up her of her vows, to love and cherish. Withholding love meant for her husband and being with another man is not loving and cherishing YOU!!

well man if you like crap stay and eat all you wish , but im telling you how can you compeat with a 25 yearold who screws like a jack hammer . and no hanky panky for 3 years ! forget about it ! tell her to get her shoe shine box and get out .

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU FEEL BAD, SHE DID THE CHEATING. KICK HER TO THE CURB, SHE'LL KEEP ON DOING IT.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING, IF A PERSON ISN'T HAPPY, GET A DIVORCE AND YOU CAN BE WITH ANYONE THEN.

well I think this was a confirmation
NOT a NEW suspicion

Either you still want to work it out or you Don't

Or perhaps you really don't Care one way or the other
Which is where you have been for the past 3 years.

Talk to her and see what she wants to do, ask her if she REALLY wants to work it out OR WHAT

Decide what you really want, if its her , then you need to change and TRY and make things work

IF your still at the I don't care stage then LEAVE.

M

I think she is too childish for you. Now it depends to you to decide. Try to make her a little bit adult or leave her, cause she isn't good as your wife.

Even though she was not intimate with you for 3 years, but she was still married to you. So her rational for it not being cheating is B.S. If she was not happy in the marriage, then she should have filed for a divorce. For the simple fact that she was still married when she had another relationship screams cheating. As humans we tend to rationalize things to suit our convenience. You should do the honors of divorcing this woman who is so cold to you, she does not care about your feeling and move on.

Good luck.

Of course you feel bad! That is understandable! No matter how she tries to justify it, its still cheating! Her reasoning is pure BS.

I honestly think you need to divorce her. The marriage has been going to hell in a hand basket for at least 3 years. I think its a shame that you have wasted this time with her. That is 3 + years that you have been unhappily married to this woman.

Its time to move on, get rid of the garbage in your life. There are too many wonderful, and loving women out in the world to spend your life with this one. Divorce that ***** , take time to heal and then get out there and find the lady who you can grow old with and live happily ever after!

Take your life back!!!

It is up to you and you alone as to what to do; no one else. You are the only one who knows how she reacts to you right now; if there is no longer love, you know what to do.