Is it right to tell an eight-year-old child that if he doesn't do his homework he will end up in prison!!!!?

I telephoned his home earlier and his elder brother answered the 'phone (which he is allowed to apparantly these days) and told me that J. his eight-year-old brother was going to prison!!!
I thought that he was joking but his Mother came on and told me that she had indeed warned his brother that if he didn't do his homework he would not be able to get a job and would end up in prison!
I can imagine the poor mite lying in bed (he is put to bed much earlier than the nine-year-old with the three-year-old) worrying as he is sensitive yet she laughed it off saying it was a "joke".If so how come the nine-year-old picked up on it?
His Father is away so I cannot speak to him but I feel like going round there in the morning to reassure the boy.
What parent would say that over *homework*? Stealing perhaps but *homework*?
I am very upset because children worry about these things and take them literally especially at that age yet some can't seem to stop and think about that.

It's the thought of him lying there in bed worrying about it that worries me with perhaps his elder brother rubbing it in now he will be in bed too.
He was already having nightmares a while back and his Father is not there to reasssure him.If the boys fight he will get the blame too.

I was told when I was a child when i did anything wrong the police would come and get me lock me up and throw away the key. I was terrified of police because of that for a long time.
So no it is wrong to tell a child that and yes the child will be scared out of his witts and worst when he tells his friends at school because he believes it he will tell them and look a total fool and be taken the pee out of!
Joan just tell your daughter in law WHY it is wrong and she needs to find some other way to get him to do his homework oh bless.

No.

Next time just stick to the question without the whole boring story.

For the millionth time, will you leave your daughter-in-law and son alone!!!!!

They're obviously having a big problem getting him to do his homework, and are running out of things to do to get through to him.

LEAVE THEM ALONE TO RAISE THEIR FAMILY! BUTT OUT ALREADY!!

yeah thats alright..you can tell him that

Just because father is away does not mean you cannot send him a letter. I am sure he is well aware of his wife's tactics.
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Well excuse me for thinking that NO ONE is out of contact with anyone these days. If this woman is SO concerned for her grandchildren why does she not talking to their father? Just because she cannot call does not mean she cannot send a letter expressing her concerns. But then why should she do that when it is so much easier to blame the woman HE left in charge of his kids.

ok, that's a comment that doesn't win any parenting awards of the week.

but the thing is this, Joan. kids are resilient creatures. they generally survive and even thrive despite their parents' (many) mistakes. somehow i expect that you're lying awake worrying about it far longer than an 8-year-old is (if he's that worried, he could just go do his homework....).

i wonder what kind of relationship you had with your mother and mother in law? would you have taken kindly to them second-guessing every one of your bad parenting decisions? (okay, lol, i'm sure you didn't make any. but i certainly do. and i would not take kindly to my mom or mil second-guessing them all.) if you choose your battles, you'll have much more credibility and influence. if you set up world war 3 over every little thing, they're just going to tune you out, if not completely shut you out.

You really must stop finding more excuses just to attack your Daughter in law on here.

If this woman is the awful beast you make her out to be wouldn't her son be terrified not to do his homework? She can't be that terrifying.

Tell him anything that will work.

I agree that is excessive. She is probably frustrated that he is not doing well. I know from previous post he has a hard time with school. Your daughter in law needs some coping mechanisms. I don't think she knows how to relate to kids. She is doing her best but that is scary thing to say to a small child. He obviously needs help with school and she needs to spend her weekends working with him or getting him a tutor. I have a learning disability and mom and dad had to work with me up until like 13 when i had a good foundation and could do work on my own.

Kids being kids, he would have forgotten it by morning. However, if you go down to reassure him, I can just imagine him recalling it all over again and perhaps thinking maybe him mom was right about the ending up in prison for not doing homework thing after all. Why else would grandma make a trip down if it wasn't true?

No this is not right. Parents need to encourage their children by building their self-esteem. Tell the child that doing homework and becoming educated is necessary for a happy, productive life. If the child chooses not to study, he wont graduate, he will be unsuccessful in obtaining a gratifying, well paying job. This means he wont be able to buy the things in life that he wants or needs. He'll live in an icky place with icky furniture, icky clothes, icky food, no insurance and if he gets hurt, wont be able to go to a Doctor. ETC ETC. Tell him he is very smart and should always treat himself with respect and that the parents expect him to excel. A grade C means the child has learned only 50% of what he needed to learn, B's are good but a little more effort would get them an A.

I don't think it's right that 8 year olds have to do homework.
Surely 30 hours a week in school is ample working time for an child without 'overtime'


EDIT excellent answer 'mama' !

No it's not right but sometimes we say things without really meaning them wrong I know but were human I've told my 8yr old I'II ring the police tonight if he didn't behave does that make me bad or just at the end of my tether today Joan I don't know

that is absolutely appalling,she would destroe his esteem and confidence,plus saying these things will be a bad reflection as he wil think so much about it he will get his work wrong worrying too much about not going to prison,i would certainly see your son at the nearest oppurtunity and failing that would go the school and have a gentle word with his teacher.

Strange woman, she is the one that needs locking up, if you ask me, which you did!...........
has she not heard of other forms of punishment......
no TV
no pocket money
no game consoles
Grounded etc.................
she needs her fecking head tested if you ask me........and you did!

Hello. My answer to this is NO IT ISNT WRONG!
My husband is a Correctional officer and he said you'd be surprised how many teen's they get in jail.. most of them now realize had they done homework and stayed in school they would be in a better place!

I think sometimes, kids need to hear What could happen to them if they don't keep on the straight and narrow!
It's a pitty, and breaks my heart to hear stories about kids who are now in jail because their parents didn't force them to see what their future might hold!

uk answer - i agree with all your concerns, poor boy. If you can reassure him, please do a.s.a.p and if possible speak to his Mum and Dad (if you can be brave). Not a sensible thing to say at all!

that's just horrible! that poor poor boy...what is wrong with the mother?

Again, we hear only the part of the story that you want us to hear, filtered through your dislike of your daughter-in-law, heard second-hand over the phone. You have *no idea* what actually happened, what was said or *how your grandson actually reacted to the situation*.

I could hear a conversation ending with or including the fact that if you don't do your homework you might, one day, end up in prison, happening at my home, too. And, we are hippy, freaky, touchy-feely, attachment, love & logic, non-spanking, reasoning with our kids, respecting their intelligence kind of parents.

It would go something like this (imagine it all in a fun, loving, laughing sitcom family kind of environment).

Mom (or dad): Dude, you've got to get going on that homework

Kid: Nah, I don't want to do it

Mom (assume 'or dad' from here on out): C'mon, you've got to do your homework

Kid: Why?

Mom: Well, homework helps you practice what you learned at school. It also helps me & dad to keep up with what you're learning, too, so that we'll know what you're working on & be able to show you how it's important in real life.

Kid: I already know enough, I don't need to learn any more

Mom: Sure you do. What if you don't do your math homework & never learn how to add, subtract, divide or multiply? How will you pay your bills or keep a job when you're grown up?

Kid: I'll get a job that doesn't need math.

Mom: Everyone needs math, every day. You need it to buy things & pay your bills. What if I didn't pay my bills? They'd put me in prison!

Kid: Prison! So, I have to do my homework so that I don't go to prison? :-p

Mom: Yes, goofy, that's it :-)


Your side of the story *always* paints your DIL as an evil, cruel, cold woman, who's children are never loved, treated as an annoyance that she wishes she had never had. Your side of the story paints her pointing & laughing like a bully at her poor little child, cowering frightened in the corner, tears welling up in his big sad eyes (which makes her laugh all the more at him & call the others over to join in her glee at mocking him).

And, of course it's wrong to treat a child like that.

But, it's not wrong to explain to a child why it's important to do their homework.

You paint a lovely picture of the woman who your son chose to parent his children with him. How do you suppose he made such an awful choice, after his perfect upbringing?

she should be ashamed of herself what a nasty thing to say to the child i'd have a word if it was me there is other things to can say but not that no wonder he is haviing nightmares

I told my kids they will end up like trailer trash, but not in prison. A childs concept of prison is very different to an adults, and I don't think I'd go that far.
I wouldn't try and backtrack or disagree with what another parent has told them, just help them with their homework.

I've been having problems with mine since Christmas Joan, BUT I certainly wouldn't use "JAIL when your older" as a coneqence of not doing your homework at the any age!! I don't agree with Infants and Juniors having homework anyway .
My boys DON'T like doing their homework,and my husband and myself were finding ourselves getting "stressed out" with them especially on a Sunday evening when they decided to do their homework (at 8:30pm) so now we have a rule - Homework is to be done on a Saturday afternoon or a Sunday Morning and if they don't want to do it, the TEACHER will deal with it on a Monday morning, And if we have had a busy weekend homework IS NOT done until Monday night and I inform the teacher as to why on a Monday morning!!

That is absolutely so wrong Joan as children are very sensitive and what seem like a throw away comment to us plays on their little minds. She should have stopped when she said he wouldn't get a job and left off the last bit about prison. Poor little mite - what the hell is going through his little mind - makes me shudder to think.

Hi Joan,When I was a small lad fast a sleep in bed my dad crept into my room covered in a white sheet and woke me up with a haunting sound,he scared the living day light out of me and I will never forget it,so you have my vote.Don't be too hard on the mum,I'm sure you know how to handle it. x x

I don't agree with that. That would upset my daughter too! She is sensitive. But on the other hand, it is their parenting choice and if you say something, than you will most likely push these people away from yourself. I know that I don't let people call me on my parenting skills unless I feel that they are close to me and are a positive person towards me in general.

what she should of said is if you dont do your homework then school will get harder, if you dont do well it will be harder to find a good job and people without jobs are more likely to turn to crime and end up in prison. it needed to flow. she's a little bit mean to the middle child isnt she. and i wouldnt of said anything like that to mine. i try and make them understand that homework is there to help them understand what went on in the classroom. his father always seems to be away tho joan. and let me tell you as someone who used to work three jobs whilst the ex watched the kids, there was a lot i didnt pick up on. even now when the kids go there on a weekend i hear things i wouldnt think would happen. you need to speak to your son. end of. i can see where the dil is coming from, she just wants him to do well but pressuring him is the wrong way to go about it. she maybe needs to speak to the school to come up with stratagies for helping him learn, cos clearly the ones in place are not working. if she keeps pushing him he'll hit his teens and rebel big time.

"Mother came on and told me that she had indeed warned his brother that if he didn't do his homework he would not be able to get a job and would end up in prison!"

Other than the fact she was speaking in absolutes
and threats* may not be the 'best' way to get the homework completed,
what's the problem with what she told the kid?

It might very well be the Truth....

How many of yall have solicited job applicants lately?
It's scary out here... real scary...



* Threats are a sign of poor parenting, eh?
Promises OTOH...

That is absolutely not ok!! it will Traumatize him!!!

that's a terrible thing to say to a child

not ok

No, thats f*cked up, I tell my kids if they don't do their homework they don't get TV, they'll get grounded etc, I don't let my kids answer the phone either, not unless it was a call expected for them, too many weirdos phoning trying to sell insurance, kitchens etc, No Joan your right, that is wrong!

Sparkles, I've told my kids that as well, don't stress, but the whole police, job thing is nuts!