I need some help with a financial aid appeal letter. Proof read please?

Dear Office of Student Financial Aid: I am writing to appeal my suspension of federal aid after having difficulty during my fall and summer semesters. As a first time student after being out of school for ten years it was very overwhelming. It was hard being a mother of 7 kids, sharing one car between me and my husband, also working a fulltime job. These are the steps I have taken to ensure my academic success in the future: 1. I have resign from my job in order to concentrate on school. 2. Obtain a tutor for classes I find difficult. Make myself familiar with the tutoring center on campus. 3. Meet with each of my instructors to find out what would make me a better student in their class. 4. Organize my study time. 5. Go to class as scheduled on time. I would like to earn a degree in education. Without financial aid I lack the ability to do this. I am a hard working student and the upcoming semester will prove so. My education is of paramount importance to me. Thank you

I'd be happy to give you some suggestions if you'll take them. I was an English major in college and I currently work as a copywriter for a company, so hopefully I can give you a few tips to make your letter more formal. How about this:

Dear Office of Student Financial Aid,

My name is *your name* and I am writing to ask you to appeal my suspension of federal aid. The fall and summer semesters were a very stressful and overwhelming time in my life because I was not only returning to school after being out of it for ten years, but I was also taking care of my seven children, sharing one car between my husband and myself, and also working a full-time job. It was very difficult for me to concentrate and do well in my classes when I had to put my family ahead of myself.

I do realize that I neglected my studies and I would like another chance to do better in them. I have compiled a list of steps I need to take in order to be successful in school:
1. I will resign from my full-time job in order to give my full attention to school.
2. I will obtain a tutor for my most difficult classes by becoming familiar with the tutoring center on campus.
3. I will talk to each of my instructors personally to find out how I can do well in their classes.
4. I will manage my time wisely so that I can balance my family and studies together.
5. I will attend all of my classes to take advantage of what they have to offer.

My goal is to earn a degree in education so that I can make a difference in the lives of young students. This is very important to me because I want to make sure that they don't make the same mistakes that I did. But I can only do this if I can apply for financial aid. I am a hard-working student and a dedicated mother, and I would like the chance to prove to you that my next semester will not be a disappointment. I will try my hardest to be good role model to my family and other students.

Please take this letter into consideration and give me another chance to prove my dedication.

Thank you for your time,
* your name*

I hope that this helps. Good luck!

Good luck..

It won't work.If you didn't complete the amount of credits you need..

Once federal aid is frozen, you are stuck.....If you live in WA, you may be able to get help via a program that negotiates for you....

My suggestion, switch to an on line only school....

It sounds good. I would tweak just a bit.. but first, don't worry about it. Anyone I know (including myself), is approved for their first appeal. The first one is always, almost a given. You have given enough information to support your performance (or lack there of).

If you do tweak it.. just add a few background sentences to each bullet point.

Example:
#1. I have 7 children... etc etc for about another 3-4 sentences.

So one for each point.

You'll be fine.. just don't worry. Trust me.

I kind of understand your fear about losing Financial Aid. I'm going to tell you a personal story about myself. Maybe this will help reassure you.

I am/was a student at a University in Pennsylvania. One year, I transferred to a different campus to be near my brother who went to a college about 5 minutes away. I had an absolutely HORRIBLE year. I passed most of my classes in the Fall (barely), but I was so sick the whole year because of the altitude I was at, and I bombed in the Spring, so bad that I ended up withdrawing from the semester so that the bad grades wouldn't affect me.

Well, this had an adverse effect on my financial aid. I was put on what they called "probation", which basically meant that after paying the school back the money that they sent back to the government, I was allowed to receive loans again, but not grants. I had to complete another full semester before I could apply to be reinstated for grants. So I did, and eventually I got them back, but it was a very tumultuous situation.

In any case, I read your letter, and as far as I'm concerned, it looks good. The letter is basically a formality to let them know you're serious, which it does convey. After they read it, I'm sure they'll let you know what you'll be required to do to be reinstated for financial aid (as was done with me). But I believe that you'll be able to get your financial aid back, provided that you do as they ask.

From the way you described your life in your letter, it sounds like you're used to handling stress, so just send them the letter, believe in yourself, keep your head up, and I believe things will work out for you. Good luck!