I thinkthis 12 step program may work. Give it a shot liberals!
The Program:
Step 1: Admitting that you鈥檙e a liberal This is the first step for every liberal on the way to recovery. It is important to understand that you鈥檙e not 鈥減rogressive,鈥?鈥渕oderate,鈥?or 鈥渆nlightened.鈥?You鈥檙e a liberal, and you need to be honest with yourself about that fact.
Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts Realize that truth is more important than moral superiority and is the only way to come over to reality. You must research beyond propaganda from the Sierra Club, Hillary Clinton, and CNN (the Communist News Network) to understand things as they really exist in the world. You can no longer argue based on 鈥渇eelings鈥?or emotion. You will actually need to back up your arguments with real information. This is a difficult step, because it means you can鈥檛 be lazy any more.
Step 3: Love America This may be the most difficult step for those of you who are hippies and peaceniks. Admitting that the country you hate actually stands as a beacon to defend freedom throughout the world can make some of you physically ill. You might want to make a visit to a military cemetery to better understand that these men and women gave their lives so that you could spew hatred. Otherwise, you would currently be living in a police state that would never let you wear that nasty patchouli oil, let alone speak out against your government.
Step 4: Take a college level economics class I鈥檝e always defined a Socialist as someone who鈥檚 never taken an economics class. Most Socialists I鈥檝e spoke with would have a hard time balancing their checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of supply-and-demand. It鈥檚 time to flush your complete ignorance of basic economics down the toilet and understand how the world actually functions. This concept will be very important for the next steps that involve communism, facts about corporations, and the inefficiencies of government.
Step 5: Say 鈥渘o鈥?to Communism and Socialism While this concept is obvious to most of the free world, it is an important step in your recovery process. If you have difficulty with this step, spend a week living and working in Cuba.
Step 6: Corporations are not evil If you鈥檙e reading this article online or in an e-mail, it鈥檚 thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of paycheck, you can thank corporations. If you work for a non-profit or the government, you still have to thank corporations. The non-profit sector and the government wouldn鈥檛 have any money to pay you without corporations. It is also important that you understand that making a profit doesn鈥檛 equate to 鈥済reed鈥?or exploitation. Capitalism has created the greatest society in our world鈥檚 history. Even communist countries need corporations to survive, so enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality.
Step 7: The government is inefficient If you are one of those liberals who believe the government should tax us more in order to take care of society, you need to pay special attention to this step. You need to realize that government bureaucracy will waste most of your tax dollars, while the private sector will put your money to much better use. Even most Democrat politicians understand this to some degree, which is why Hillary鈥檚 socialist healthcare proposal was voted down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans. Go to your local post office or call the IRS to ask a tax question if you need a reminder about government inefficiency.
Step 8: The earth is not your 鈥渕other,鈥?and she鈥檚 not dying The time has now come to stop your donations to Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi organization to which you belong. Face the reality that the earth, society, and our environment are better off today than ever in recorded history and that they are continuing to improve. I realize that many of you tree huggers will have a very difficult time letting go of the Douglas Fir on this one. I would suggest reading The Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg. Mr. Lomborg is a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a statistics professor at a university in Denmark. He set out to prove the world was in bad shape and ended up surprising himself by proving the exact opposite.
Step 9: Stop smoking the wacky tobaccy Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step program to complete this step. Marijuana is distorting your sense of reality, and you need to stop using it. Besides, you鈥檒l save a fortune on snacks.
Step 10: Eat a hamburger If God didn鈥檛 intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn鈥檛 have made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and tofu on the hamburger, but get some meat into you. You鈥檒l look and feel better than you ever imagined. You can always remind yourself that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian to get you through this step.
Step 11: Stop re-writing political history It鈥檚 now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a lying-cheating-sexist-racist-rapist jackass, Hillary Clinton is one of the worst role models for women in this country, Al Gore really did lose the 2000 election by every vote tabulation you attempt, Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War and didn鈥檛 create the homeless problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican, and Jimmy Carter is a nice man but has one of the worst presidential records of anyone in history.
Step 12: Be a missionary Once you have completed the previous steps to overcoming liberalism, it鈥檚 time for you to share this awakening with others who are not as fortunate. Go out amongst the liberal sheep and spread the good word of your freedom from the chains of ignorance that once bound you. Congratulations, and welcome to reality. terbiyesiz--- don't you find your post hypocritical of itself?
Keep using big words to empress yourself, because they aren't empressing anyone. Or just let them get mugged!! ahem HORSESHIT ahem.. Yes, whatever you just said! Wouldn't that be wonderful? But, sadly there will alwasy be morons in this world. I love this! It is refreshing to hear that someone shares my same point of view! The road to hell is paved with Republicans. I agree with tennisgoat. Or one step...win the lotto as soon as they pay the taxes on it...bam...republician
or step one-Yet one wonders why they are against gun rights. oh wow, it is sad to see that someone would strain their already limited cranial capacity and utterly waste it by devoting so much unnecessary time and effort to such futile acts of self satisfaction. I think a brain transplant would be simpler. First of all, I'm not ashamed to being a liberal. In fact, I proudly call myself the "L" word. I don't mind calling myself "progressive", either, because it's a synonym. I also don't hesitate to say that we liberals are the "enlightened" ones, since we seem to have an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual advantage over the conservatives.
Second, I do support my beliefs with facts. I know for a fact, for example, that recently a NASA scientist published a report stating that we had 10 years to reverse global warming. However, Bush administration officials saw fit to edit the report to downplay the danger. I guess they didn't want to tick off their buddies in the oil industry. I also know for a fact that it was Osama bin Laden, not Saddam Hussein, who was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. It's also a well-known fact that even though almost 5 years have passed since the attacks, Osama still hasn't been caught. I also know that Bush & Co. said that we were going to Iraq, because there were WMDs. Well, we've been there for 3 years now, and we still haven't found them. It is also a fact that Bush has taken Clinton's surplus and turned it into a record deficit. I could list plenty of other facts, but my time is precious and I have other things to do today. I also have to say that I don't mind expressing my emotions when it comes to the facts. After all, we liberals are human. We aren't robots, and if anything, it's better to have a bleeding heart than no heart at all.
Third, we liberals actually love the U.S. and what its Constitution stands for. If anything, it's Bush and those of his ilk who seem to hate this country. Why else would they try to break down the separation of church and state that's clearly stated in the Constitution? Why else is Bush trying to extend executive powers? Whatever happened to checks and balances?
Fourth, you seem to not know the difference between liberalism and socialism and communism. If you really think that the three are synonymous, I suppose that I could use the same logic and say that conservatism is the same thing as Nazism or fascism.
Fifth,it's not corporations per se that are evil. However, some of them do have evil policies. Why else would they have the Republican politicians in their pockets so they can have environmental and health and safety laws that are meant to protect workers and consumers deregulated? And do you think it's really right for Wal-Mart to come to every town and drive out competition from mom-and-pop stores? I thought you guys were into competition. But then again, billions of dollars in no-bid contracts were given to defense companies like Halliburton, so maybe that's no longer true.
Sixth, it's interesting you should mention government inefficiency. The record deficit that Bush & Co. have given us is a testament to government inadequacy. Of course, you made it a point to mention the money spent on social programs. You don't seem to think it wasteful to spend so much money on corporate welfare or on a war that is based on a lie.
Seventh, until we develop the technology to enable us to settle on other planets after we've made this one uninhabitable for humans, Mother Earth is the only planet we've got. And if you don't believe we're in trouble, ask the NASA scientist I mentioned earlier. And if you happen to be one of those Christian fundamentalists who believe that the end times are coming, anyway, and that it would be pointless to try to save the planet, let me remind you that the Bible says that we are given "dominion" over the earth. That doesn't imply that we should "rape" (Ann Coulter's word) the planet. It means that we are stewards and we have a responsibility to take good care of what's been given to us.
Eighth, you say that "If (sic) God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat." Well, actually, we're made out of meat, too. Does that mean we should become cannibals? Also, Hitler was NOT a vegetarian. He ate very little meat, but one of his favorite dishes was liver dumplings. You also say, "You'll look and feel better than you ever imagined." Actually, many of our leading health concerns, such as obesity, heart disease, strokes, and cancer, have been linked to the high-fat, high-cholesterol typical American diet. I can also say that I've been a vegetarian for many years now, and I've been sick much less often since going veg. I'm also within my ideal weight, by the way.:) But then again, maybe you're a big fan of the Rush Limbaugh look!
Ninth, like all of the other Republicans I've encountered here, you bring up Bill Clinton. It's funny how so many of you think that getting o**l sex from someone other than your wife and then lying about it is more immoral than waging a war based on a lie and having thousands die as a result. So much for the "culture of life"! You also say that Clinton is a sexist and a racist. First of all, I find it kind of surprising, since for the most part, Republicans don't seem to care about women or minorities. Actually, if anyone is sexist or racist, it's Dubya. Denying a woman the right to absolute dominion over her own body is definitely, to say the least, sexist! Also, when Bush was governor of Texas, he refused to support hate crime legislation. His excuse was that "all crimes are hate crimes". Excuse me, but there is a huge difference between holding up a liquor store so that you can get money to support your drug habit and dragging a man to death because he's black. By the way, when the daughter of the said dragging victim requested a meeting with Bush, he refused to give her one. So much for "compassionate conservatism"! And by the way, there WERE people who were denied the right to vote in Florida in 2000 because of computer glitches. And do you think it's an accident that problems were mainly found in counties with mostly Democratic (and mostly black) voters? Also, if you had seen footage of journalist Greg Palast's interview with a staff member at Katherine Harris' office, you would've seen that something was amiss. When Palast confronted the staff member about the election results, the guy became visibly nervous, began speaking rapidly, and then ran to the nearest door and locked it behind him. Do you still think that there was nothing to hide?
And last, but certainly not least, it's interesting you should call us liberals "sheep". After all, you Republicans are the ones who insist on following a leader no matter how disastrous his policies are. Actually, it would probably be better to compare you to lemmings. Realizing that your biggest supporters or actors, singers, and hippies and they all don't have a clue what their talking about. |
