Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet!
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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap!
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Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m.?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
" Honey, "the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible! "the roommate answered." He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce."
" Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner!"
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In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told these men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned un-opened."
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A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
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Teacher : Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the time, works all day and every day. Then what happens ?
Little Johnny : " He gets stepped on. "
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Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire!" ok so i have spent approximately 2 hours reading ALL your jokes . and OMG, i laugh at each of them. where do you get them. you should be awarded the top contributor. seriouslyyyyyy, and the one that i really like is this one
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the f*ck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
i was reading this while i was in office and seriously i choked out laughing sooooooooo loud everyone came to my desk and wanted to see. they all laughed as wel.
omg. i serouisly worship you from now onn. POST MORE. post some jokes for " tea time " for " lunch hour " and more more more. hahahahhaha. i still can't stop lauging and reading your jokes.
keep it up. booo THey are pretty good, but I especially like the report card one! well i like it..so STAR! lol theyre all good
but i like the old maid being a virgin one best
star! Thanks that made my Day! I like most of them, so STAR for you. Love them~! hehehehehehhehehehe horreyy i just got 2 points I liked them, star. thisi s a sure 5 star joke, and a sure rib-cracker......one to pass around and around and around and talk about at campfire this weekend
keep 'em coming...cheers |
