That man Van does it again....?

http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=...

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Van der Merwe slipped and fell in the mud!
So van der Merwe goes to the railway station, and at the ticket office asks: "A return ticket please."
Ticket man: "Where to please?"
Van: "Back here, of course, man!"

How do you confuse van der Merwe?
Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.
"These rooinecke are not so bad when you get to know them," said Van on return from a visit to England.
"Hey, they take you home, share their bed with you and give you breakfast in the morning - all for no charge."
"Did that really happen to you, Van?" asked van Tonder.
"No, but it happened to my sister," said Van.

So now van der Merwe is working at the zoo. He especially enjoys cleaning out the elephant's enclosure, since the zoo's sole elephant is an intelligent and obedient animal called "Nuts". All he has to do is say "come over here, Nuts", or "sit down, Nuts" and the elephant will do what it is told.
One day he comes into the managers office, dripping wet, flings down his broom and shouts "I've had all I can take! I quit!".
"What's wrong, Van?" Asks the manager.
"I can't take the guy selling peanuts any more. Every day when I'm in with the Elephant he's yelling "Peanuts! Peanuts!"
How does van der Merwe clean his glasses?
With brylcreem!
Ahahah ha ha ha.... Don't you get it? Well, "brill" is Afrikaans for glasses, so he thinks that it's for his glasses ... never mind, I guess that one doesn't travel.

How else do you confuse van der Merwe?
Put him in a rondavel and tell him to stand in the corner.

Old Van got pole position in the Grand Prix but lost because he started in Warsaw.......lol

Ha, ha,ha, One can always rely on van der Merwe for a laugh.

oh van...he's too funny.

here's one;
van is out walking his dogs when a passer-by asks him, 'Are those Jack Russels?'
'No, they're mine.' says van.

LOL, I liked the one about the elephant, thanks!

Van the man in a class of his own!

I really loved those jokes, I dont get to hear them or read them anymore cause I live in England, but sometimes my mom sends me the YOU magazine. I loved the chuckles section.

Good ones! Thanks