Don't know what to do about this situation?

I work in a small office with two other guys...make that three other guys in a few months. Overall my professional relationship with them is respectful. I come in on time, take a 15 minute lunch and am out of here either when I should be (4:30)or 15 to 20 minutes after. I stay after if there is urgent stuff to get done. I basically do three completely different job positions in the time that I am at work. When I can't get something small done, like make sure that we are stocked up on drinks (which is small, if we run out I can run to walgreens 4 blocks down and get it - particularly if I was swamped with client service work all week) my boss' wife is verbally abusive. When I say verbally abusive, I don't mean that she is lecturing me on my duties, I mean she is all out verbally abusive. Both my boss and the other guy knows she does this from time to time. I want to try to stay at this job as the guys are respectful. Where do I draw that boundary? With whom do I draw that boundary with?

Your boss is aware of the situation, now go forward from that position.

It is very likely, very likely she is BiPolar or an addict. Since the occurences are occassional, she isn't targeting you specifically, she's targeting the position you work in. (If there was a temp there for a day, she'd yell at her.)

Hostile Work Environment does apply. But so does basic psychological problems. Everyone has baggage - imagine your boss goes home to that every day, and every morning steps into the office with that life fresh in his mind. (Explain any particular moodiness on his part?)

In a perfect world, the office environment would alway be productive, always polite and always professional. I suggest you begin some coping techniques - put the phone on speakerphone (very low) and mutter occassionally as she rants, don't ever argue, discuss, rationalize or disagree with her. If she is physically in your office, literally walk away. If she touches you or attempts to stop you, stand up to firmly and politely. Once may be enough, but don't initiate it.

Your boss doesn't expect you to be physically abused, and on the day she is there harassing you, go home early. Simply tell your boss you're taking comp time for it.

Good luck.

Mrsdeli is totally right!!
Stand up to her and speak back to her exactly as she does to you and afterwards tell her to speak to you with a bit more respect.

Assertiveness is a key life skill you'll need to develop.
If you just start using rules like the anti hostile rule then you will forever be a victim and you won't learn how to deal with different types of people.

I definitely agree that you need to make your boundaries clear, and stand up for yourself, but in an assertive, not an aggressive way. Stand up to the person who is being disrespectful and abusive, set clear boundaries about the way you want to be treated.

Stand up to her. You don't have to take her crap!! Your boss, her husband will probably have more respect for you. She probably treats him the same way she treats you. The next time she starts, just tell her there's no reason to be abusive. Tell her to stop making it a hostile workplace. If she has a problem with you she should talk to her husband. Then ignore anything she says to you...walk away from her. Do not take that kind of abuse.