Husband emotionally abusive what to do?

My husband is emotionally abusive. I don't know what to do. He "forgets" birthdays and Xmas, he is not interested in sex, won't go to church, never laughs or jokes, explodes at me, cries at the drop of a hat, makes me look like bad guy with our 3 kids, works constantly at the office and at home, never helps at home, never pays any attention to our money situation, on vacation he is glued to his blackberry, sabotages every job I have so I fail by f*ing me up so I'm late and won't let me hire a babysitter or use child care, is completely controlling, travels with little or no notice, and bad mouths me to his family. I have been telling him I want divorce. we have tried therapy many times and never worked b/c he didn't show up or came late and lied. he will not let me leave the marriage. can't rent an apt b/c i do not have job. family lives 3 hrs away. i'm so f*ed! please any help is appreciated! every family thing I plan he hates, too. i just want out.

In the state in which I live, you need to be separated for one year to divorce. I cannot file for divorce yet!

Leave him.Just take the kids walk out. Move in with your parents if you have to. Chances are if you tell them everything they will open their arms to you Very likely they will have noticed anyway, but do not want to interfere
Find yourself a job and then get back on your feet again. Just keep thinking it can't ever be as bad as this. You have your pride, use it.

No doubt it will be hard but so is this

Somewhere in your area there is probably a woman's shelter. That's a place to start.

Even if your family is far away, can they front you enough money to get started. Finding a job, a place to live, and a lawyer may be a real major struggle, but would it really be harder than this.

"He will not let me leave the marriage"?! He doesn't get a say in the matter.

Call a lawyer, get the divorce. You don't want your kids growing up in a house like that.

Since you don't work, any chance you can take the kids and stay with your family for a while? Also, you will probably be awarded spousal support until you finally are divorced, then receive alimony. So don't worry about not having any money. He'll pay.

Haul his @$$ on "Dr. Phil" and then on "Maury"!

It will be very difficult but maybe you can start socking a few pennies away to save for a down payment. Try selling stuff on e-bay to make money, or babysitting. Apply for a credit card and don't let him know. Ask your family for a loan until you get a job. Come up with creative ways to make some money, just so you can leave.

Evidently you're not feed up enough because you're still there.

When you truly get sick of existing like this you'll leave.

look for help from your family(a real family is for support and help).Professional counseling is recommended too.

Sorry, but this is so one-sided that it's hard to believe. You make it sound like you married some jacka** (remember...YOU PICKED HIM) and your life would be perfect if he wasn't around....

If this is true you go to Legal Aid, get an attorney and FILE for divorce. But after reading your question several times, I still find myself shaking my head. Something just doesn't ring true here....

contact domestic abuse hotline they can help good luck

Then get out. Why are you letting him f*** you so much that you cannot get to work enough to keep the job. Sounds fishy to me. You have a spine stiffen it up and get to work here. First stop asking him and pleading with him, f*** him. You go and do what you need to do. You want out get out. 3 hours away is not so far that you cannot get help from your family let them know that you need it. You do not ask your husband for a divorce, you go get a lawyer and get a divorce. His behaviour is emotionally abusive and you should just get a divorce. Start now planning on what you will do once that process gets started. Get those kids in daycare and then get a job or go to school and get ready to take care of you and the kids. He works, so you can get allimony and child support which should help you for awhile. That is all I see that you can do unless you just want to keep laying there and letting him walk all over you. He cannot stop you from doing anything unless you let him stop you. If you are afraid of him that is all the more reason to get out. Now get some guts and stand up for yourself and then get to stepping and kick him to the curb.

You and your children deserve better than that. You can go to a woman shelter and they will be able to possibly help you on what to do next. You can also call your family and let them know the situation they may come pick you and your family up and help you get started on the divorce and help you get your life on track. I hope it all works out for you. You and your children deserve better than the life your husband is providing for you.

It sounds to me that you need to move in with your family 3 hrs. away. Get the hell away from that shi*head, you don't deserve that kind of treatment, and your children shouldn't be in that kind of enviroment it's unhealthy. everyone deserves to be happy, and by the sounds of it your not. So put your big-girl panties on, and move out!!!

Get out. While what he is doing is hugely wrong you need to think about what you are doing as well. Typically this is not one sided behavior.

Taking some responcibilty for anything you are doing to make the situation worse will help you in future relationships.

Get a job don't let him make you lose it walk out in the middle of conversation if you have to, tell him I have to go then go, Start saving money and get a lawyer if you've been married over 10 years ask for spousal support and child support and the house and household belongings, you can do better and your children need better, no one has the right to rule over someone else's life like that. He keeps you from working so he will know you can't afford to leave him, that's why he doesn't care about anything, And when he realises you can make it without him DON'T TAKE HIM BACK, he's a loser.

Well take the steps. Just because he doesn't want to give you a divorce doesn't mean you can't give him one. Best piece of advice - get a lawyer and get a private investigator. With all of the unexpected traveling and the no intrest in sex are HUGE signs that there may be someone else. If you can get dirt on him cheating then you don't need to get a job right away because you pretty much get a hell of alot in the divorce proceedings. The lawyer will explain everything as well as other avenues if he (surprisingly) isn't cheating. If he wants to be such an ***hole and not give you a divorce when you have damn good reason, then fight on his level. Get dirty. Do all of it while he is away! Use his unexpected traveling against him. He obviously isn't playing fair and is very controlling so use the confidence he had built up by crushing you at every turn and use it against him. Be sneaky. As for a job. Get a job within walking/ biking distance. So no matter what happens you leave at the set time and you will always be on time. Make sure you tell him you get less than you do. Direct deposit an amount from every paycheck into a seperate secret account and the rest into your joint account. Your goal is to be patient. You do this by savoring the idea that some time in the future you will have saved up enough money to move out and be rid of him. He may not sign the divorce papers but as long as you have a laywer with court documents stating that you have joint custody he can't do ****. I'm not sure if the job thing will work but if it doesn't. When he is on his trips sign up for a medical study for out-patients. Just tell him you have a bad yeast infection or a gyno appointment when you have to check in if he is home. Or have to help a friend bake something for her kids school thingy. Get your friends involved in this, they will give you more help than you know. The medical studies pay alot of money and in a short time. This could also be the way to pay for your lawyer so that he won't know about. It may not be something you've ever concidered but desperate times alway call for deperate measures. Also another avenue is help from non profit organizations for abused and battered women. You are in a realtionship that you want out and have no avenue because of how controlling he is. Ask for help from them. To them Abuse is abuse. They have all types of programs and out-reach programs as well as housing and such. Good luck darling and remember. Your a woman, he's a man. Your smarter, stronger and more patient that he is. He's creating chaos for you to keep you unsteady well darlin' then join in the game. Rock the boat and turn the table on him to let him know your not a woman to be trifled with! Brightest blessings!

It sure sounds like a very serious situation. And I praise you for standing up for yourself.

You know, one of the more complicated aspects of life is marriage(whether people want to believe on it or not). It really challenges you mentally on many aspects in your life span whether you may like it or not. It really is a battlefield.....

I think one of the most underrated aspects of marriage is...communication. People tend to think(especially when we are young) that we can somehow control or even manipulate relationships. Why???? Well for one, we like the people that we like, right??? Therefore, we are comfortable with that person and chances are that they are going to understand more. Infatuation leads to appealing and so on. But I think one of the most important aspects in marriage is.....respect.

Everybody wants to be respected, I mean everybody. They want to feel a sense of security as well as support. Without any of these, then what's going to happen??? Jealousy, anxiety, etc is just one of the few that can happen and that can create major, major problems(especially in a marriage). You have to be in the same page with one another. You don't want to go on the left and your husband going on the right. It just doesn't seem to work.....

So, what shall you do??? Personally, I can't tell you what you can do or not do(you only know how you feel). Do you know what troubles me more??? 50% of all marriages end in divorce here in the U.S.A. What's the reason, I still don't know(I'm investigating) but you know what the average man and woman would say. I think one of the last things that a couple wants to think is a......divorce. But if you are not happy, then what's the point????(I found this out with a girl like a long time ago, so I realized that it was not going to be easy finding the girl of my dreams, literally). I usually don't like situations like this because I know you want to try your best.....

PS: Don't feel bad. I'm sure you want to get out and find something for yourself. Sometimes money works(even if you don't work, ) and sometimes it doesn't. The last thing I want to find out is that my wife is not happy. To be honest with you, your husband is probably a loser. I really don't blame you if you divorce him and I'm sure you are a very beautiful and intelligent woman. I usually have an answer for this type of situation......let me take care of it!!!! I'll show him a little lesson or two(Na'h I'm just playing). I just don't like hearing a situation when a girl needs help. But do what you gotta do, the last thing I want you to be is sad(and I hate seeing women sad) because they do alot for us(even if you aren't married). I just want you to be happy....

PPS: Take care and be happy. Don't worry if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. I love seeing women happy. We(men) need women in this world to make things easy for us.......there is nothing more beatiful than to see woman happy!!

By the way, I'm a player. I know how to talk to the ladies. And even I don't agree with what he's doing with you. To tell you the truth, I don't think your husband is a REAL man. A real man takes care of his family and takes care of it. EVERY man knows that.....if not, then what are we good for????????? Ohhh yeah one thing.......money!!!! The ladies love the money, and I'm sure you agree with that, lol.
TAKE CARE SWEETHEART AND BE HAPPY!