Having a baby alone??How to feel not depressed??

I am 23 yrs old and almost three months pregnant.I will be graduating college this year(june 07) but my bf of a year also an exchange student from brazil broke up with me and said he did not want to become a parent at this time.I feel sad and depressed i have no idea what to do?I told my parents and they agreed to keep paying my college tuition but refused to let me live in their home with a baby .I am living in NYC at the moment in a one bedroom studio but since my bf moved out i am having trouble paying rent ec,i know after graduation i wont be able to pay anymore.I am so depressed i do have a job part time as a secratary in a doctors office and am taking my last three classes but i feel so alone?

I dont understand how my bf could just leave me?

you poor thing. what a jerk!
have you looked into moving to a smaller place?? you'd be amazed at what you can accomplish when you put your survival instincts into gear. i lived in a tiny apartment for about a year that didn't even have one single closet. it was one room with a kitchenette and bathroom and i slept on a futon. i did this when i got out of a bad relationship and i was rebuilding my life.
things are better now, but they were a bit rough at first.

as for the baby. he will only NEED a few things to get by in life:
-get a pack n play instead of a crib. he can sleep and play in it and takes up less space
-diapers
-wipes
-formula or breastmilk
-blankets
-clothes
-bottles (if formula feeding or traveling with pumped breastmilk)
-baby bath and lotion
-carseat (if you drive, which prob not in NYC)
-carrier (get a good one if you aren't driving!) i like the ring slings
-infant tylenol in case he gets sick
-infant care pack (thermometer, nail clippers and medicine dropper)
that's about it.
other than that the baby will need your love and attention, but babies don't really NEED all the crap that you see online and in stores. sure, it makes things nice, but you don't NEED it.

i can understand that you feel alone. your bf just left and that's a big blow, but to top it off you are pregnant which is a life changing thing.
i hope that in time your parents will be more there for you, b/c everyone needs someone to lean on.

have you started looking for jobs in your field post-grad?? i would start looking and even interviewing.
have you discussed going to f/t at the dr's office post-grad until you find something else??

i wish you all the luck in the world and remember that cable tv isn't necessary and neither is a cell phone and house phone, so cut one of them off. maybe even the internet! you can always go to the library to use a computer and you can netflix instead of watch TV!

take care:)

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. But keep your head up, if you really want this baby then you will make it work, and it will turn out great. Finish up school first and then maybe looking into moving to a place that is more affordable for you so when the baby comes you won't feel so overwhelmed. I know it must be horrible to know you are going to be a single mom, but millions of women have been single moms and survived and you will too! Good luck honey!

P.S. As far as the boyfriend goes, you are going to need to be strong for your child and move on. He is not ready for fatherhood, and you have only been together for a year, no offense but maybe he was not even thinking of marrying you and all that jazz. You can't change him, just let him go and realize its better he leaves now then after you got married and had several kids. Screw him! Next time you need to protect yourself from pregnancy unless you are married and know that he will be a permanent father in your child's life. You live and learn!

damn...i don't know what to say...that sucks...this is terrible but there is always the option of an abortion if u don't feel u can even pay the bills...being in new york city, u're surely going to a private college i would guess...and the prices are ridiculous...maybe u should try moving...i'm not sure what to say...sorry:S

listen i just turned 18 and my baby boy is due in feb. so if i can do it so can you you will one day find a man that will be there for u and your wounderful child!!!!
you can get through it!!!!!!

a great thing to do would be to look for support groups for single parents or expecting parents...you can develop great relationships and make great lifelong friends. look for support outside of your family even though its hard. a strong support group can work wonders. sorry for your situation but best of luck. your baby will make a world of difference :)

your boyfriend is obviously not in a position to take care of a child mentally or emotionally or else he wouldnt leave you. men are fickle and sometimes find the most blatant excuses for not sticking around. if i were you and seriously that concerned about it, i would talk to him about it, broken up or not. whether or not HE wants to, he needs to be a part of your child's life too so you should explain this to him. you both now have a lifelong connection and maybe if you talk to him and he thinks about it for a while he will realize that he still wants to be with you and be a part of your child's life. ultimately, his relationship with YOU is his decision, but his relationship with his CHILD is not a choice.

for a place to live you can always ask anothr friend if you can live with them and pay them a little rent but not as much as u were payin when u were livin alone. but not to feel so depressed think about good things. like i am havin a baby. not all people have a chance and now i am. i am so luck. you are almost all the way through collage. not alot of women who get pregnant cant even go to collage. with your education that will give you a chance at a good job.

I had my first child alone, I did allow my mother in the delivery room.. since then we have had relationship problems and I will be having this one all by myself... and I am looking forward to it. I'd rather be alone and comfortable, then having someont there that I just wish would leave... like a man that will be taking partial custody.. or my mom, lol...

It is just how you think about it. You can be a victim, or you can look and the pros...

girl i know how you feel. Altough my boyfriend is with me he annoys the hell out of me. I am 15 and my parents hate my boyfriend, they want me to give her up for adoption or I will be kicked out when the baby is born.. My real mom ( which isn't married with my dad anymore) says I can keep her and stay in an apartment with my boyfriend. But my problem is I hate him. Everything about him.. Well we hate eachother. I write in my diary and avoid talking to my family about it becuase all I hear is " you chose this life". I forget about it alot and pretend im okay. I cry and take baths.. Don't worry you will find sombody that will want you and your little one. I know I am going to find a new guy soon. If you want to talk then e-mail me on Jill71691@yahoo.com

I know you must feel terribly alone right now, but look at your life in a positive direction. You are about to give birth to a wonderful baby boy or girl which is a miracle in its own right. Life may be difficult, but there are services in place that can help you with your baby. You don't need some loser sperm donor who doesn't want to take up his end of the responsiblities. Take care of yourself and your baby, he/she will need you more than anything else in this world.

this is a pretty big mess.
Do you not see how blessed you are?
You still got time to save up for rent and you are going to give life to another child. On the other side of the world you wouldnt live to see this day. Your parents are paying for college so thats another thing you dont have to pay for. And you have a job. Really, Im proud of you, not of your past , but of your present. I hope you decide to deliver this baby. If you cant handle it, you can still put it up for adoption. I'll be praying for you! You can do it!http://www.bridges4kids.org/Resources/Pa... here is a hot line web site with tons of info. I hope every thing works out for you!

I would look for ads on the school boards and in the school paper for people needing roommates. You can either move in with them or they with you. You can make this work.

Sorry about your ex, but honestly, if that's how he feels, good riddance! I'm also sorry about your parents not letting you come back home. I would never do that to my daughter :o( Makes me sad for you, but just know that there are people in this world who care and will help. Reach out to your friends for support. If you need to vent, post here and we'll support you too.

Sad story. Relieving depression is something you will have to do for yourself. Think of the positives. You are going to have a baby--isn't that joyeous itself? You're going to have someone with your traits...someone who is going to listen to you and love you forever (if you raise it up right). Forget about all the other stuff and put it on the side. Don't try giving birth in the state of depression. Try to get happy and surround yourself with good people! Start loving instead of hating!

Maybe in your college there are support groups that can help you. I'm sorry for your situation, but think that your baby is a blessing. take care and I wish you all the luck in the world.

i'm sorry, I'll pray for you.
i believe there are some gov't programs to take advantage of

http://yourchldrennaturally.com

Half of the women that i know go through almost exactly what you are going through and it's only natural to be depressed about it! First off screw your ex your prolly better off without him, a real man would never walk away from their child. Secondly it's a great thing your going to finish college,don't give that up! As far as your parents go about you and the baby living with them they prolly are only saying this because they don't want to take care of their own child again and another one. Don't worry about that it happens a lot and anyways if you did move back with them you may find yourself too dependent on them. I hear NYC is an expensive place to live, if that's true, you should start looking for a cheaper place now even if it is a one bedroom apartment it should be plenty of space for you and the baby, for a while anyways. Since you will have a college degree you should be able to find a better paying job. You sound like you have your head on strait so i'm sure your smart enough and will figure this whole "life" thing out. I know it's hard now but keep your head up and remember your the only one that can make something great out of your life, for you and the baby.

I guess the frist thing that comes to my mind is to change the way you are viewing things. In my opinion you are looking at the glass half empty not half full. YOu may feel so alone but I'm sure you have friends that would help you out. And your parents may not be willing to let you live with them but will they watch over your child while you earn some money. Doing whatever itr is your doing to earn money. Then remember that there are people who are doing worse then you. After you finish college you will be able to get a job that should be able to support you and your child. ANd then think about it. It may have hurt that he left you but you should be glad that you got it out of the way before the child was born. It would have been worse and more stressful if the baby was already born and then he decided to leave. YOu can prepare yourself more in advanced now.

My husband left me when I was 4 months pregnant - we'll NEVER understand why BUT if he didn't feel strongly enough to stick by you and the baby then you are TRULY better off without him. I know it's hard to understand that right now but I promise you it's true. My ex-husband has been married 7 times now and "cheats" on each woman & moves on to the next - I can't understand why anyone would marry him with his history but they do!!! LOL You have a beautiful baby growing inside of you & you will be a wonderful mom ALONE!!!! Keep your chin up - things will work out!!! They did for me.

First off, I want to commend you for being strong enough to take on the responsibility of being a parent, especially doing it on your own. It's a tough job having and raising a child, someone who is wholly dependent on you for their welfare. It is even tougher trying to do this on your own. And trying to work and go to school at the same time simply compounds the difficulties. I'm sorry to hear that your parents are not being supportive of you. And it angers me that your ex-bf is not willing to accept his responsibility for your child. Perhaps you have friends that you can go to and lean on for support when you are feeling down? Sometimes just having someone around that will listen to you and be a shoulder to cry on when times are tough can make a world of difference.

As for why did your bf leave you? Well.....if I wrote what I think of him, you would just see a bunch of asterisks. Honestly, you are better off without him. You are obviously much more mature than he is.

As for your immediate needs, being from the NYC area myself, I know how tough it can be just trying to survive on your own. Perhaps you can either look for a roommate to share your costs, or try looking for a less expensive place to live (perhaps moving to the boroughs rather than Manhattan)? Maybe look for a second job to give you some extra hours (I don't know if your current schedule with work or school would even allow for that). Perhaps you may also want to consider looking into getting public assistance (there's no shame in asking for help when you need it).

You didn't mention what you are studying/majoring in school, but I may be able to help (if you are looking for a job in the accounting/finance field) when you graduate. Best of luck to you and remember that when you hold your happy, healthy baby in your arms for the first time, all of the sacrifices will have been worth it.

I know what you mean about being depressed i went through that situation but a little bit different my son's father at the time when i told him i was pregnant asked me how much money did i want so that i could go and have an abortion.

With that comment it made me realize that even if we had stayed together he was not going to be any help in raising his son. So i did it all alone. My parents were like your parents they did not want me living in the home with a child. All that changed once the baby was born it took them a while to forgive me for becoming a single parent but at the end i have had the most support from my parents is raising my son.

Maybe you could try talking to your parents and asking them some advise as to what they would do if they had been in your situation. As for your being depressed you just need to think about the life growing inside of you and don't even stress about the father not being in your baby's life it would be for the best from what he told you. He seems like he only wants the attention and the thought of there being a child that could take the attention away from him.
What is for the best is don't think too far into the future think about the here and now it will make it a lot less stressful.
If you need to talk you can email me

I know how you feel- During my very first weeks of pregnancy my fiance was terrible. He didnt wanna work, we argued everyday, i felt like all of our problems and issues fell on me, like i was the only trying to make things work for us- long story short: we broke up and it left me in an extreme depression. now when i tell u extreme, i mean extreme. I am AGAINST abortion, however, i was so upset that my child wasnt going to have a father and a proper family that i considered it. I made and appointment and everything. now i dont know your religious background, but Jesus is who helped me through it all. i found strenghth through Him, and it all got better. If you dont believe in Christ, then all i can tell you is to look forward to the joy that your little one is about to bring- not only that, you're about to Graduate!! Congrats Girl!! thats big and you should be proud of yourself. No matter how bad things were for me, and they were terrible, I had to realize that it wasnt my place to WORRY about what will happen next. I just let go and let God. every since then, i've been continuosly blessed. on my job, with my family ( we were having major issues especially since i became pregnant), housing issues, you name it. i dont have to worry about a thing. things have even gotten better between me and the father. The best thing for you to do is NOT WORRY about it all. I made the decision NOT to have an abortion BEFORE my fiance and I were anywhere near Discussing our relationship. I put all Trust in the Lord, and kept on pushing. It'll get better. Congrats on your baby!!! Best of Wishes to you...

Well, your bf probably left because he is not mature/secure enough to own up and be a father. Plus, he is from a culture different than yours so there are going to be some difference in opinions. There is always the assistance of the government- Social Services, WIC, welfare, etc. to help. And then you need to focus on that baby and giving it the best life that you can. It's may not be easy at times but if you focus you can work through it.

And as to your parents they may not agree with your situation..but there are very few decent grandparents that resist the innocent grandchild. And may be there are some other family members you can turn to, to help.

Best of Luck!

I don't mean to be mean but you should feel depressed since you screwed up. You don't have sex outside of marriage. If you waited, you would not be in this situation. The baby should be put up for adoption - best for the baby and you can get on with your life. You are too young.

Next time, keep the pants on.