Should I break up with unemployed boyfriend?

Been with my boyfriend who is 37 y o for 1 yr and he's been unemployed during that entire time as he is trying to switch careers from an office job to a writer. First 6 months it was ok because as he was looking for a job he was getting unemployment but ever since his benefits expired we've not been getting along. Mo 3 I loaned him some money to cover bounced checks and then in month 9 I paid his rent, both times he told me he had money coming in from freelance jobs and would pay me back. He's been doing small jobs but nothing stable or enough to pay bills and he had to move back in with his parents. He's not lazy but been working jobs that don't pay. I'm turning into a nag and I feel taken for granted that I lent him so much mone and he's not hustling to give it back. I've been patient but its a drag that I can't go anywhere with my boyfriend or on vacation cuz he has no money. I love him and would like to work it out but this taking a toll. Wld love a guys perspective. What to do?

A kind thanks to everyone who's posted and left some really thought out answers. It's true, it is easy to say dump him. I appreciate all who took the time with the longer responses.

I know you asked for a guy's perspective but, I would like to offer some of my 36 years of wisdom. In only a year's time you have managed to front him a lot of cash to keep him from going under financially. You started helping him in the very beginning of your relationship without knowing what his habits were.

While it is admirable that he has taken a leap of faith and left his 9-5 to pursue his dreams, he can't expect to maintain a romantic relationship if he doesn't have anything to offer. While, you're not expecting him to be a millionaire, you would at least like the freedom of not having to pay his bills whenever he's in a crunch. Women need men who are financially stable because it shows their level of maturity and dedication to their own lives. If he is dependent upon you in the first year of your dating relationship chances are that on a struggling writer's salary this will be his continued pattern.

What to do? Well, loving him will continue to be a sacrifice until he gets his break. Although, if he is irresponsible with very little money, then he will be irresponsible with a million dollar income, so you will always be on the nagging/rescuing end of the stick.

If you truly want to be with him then you have to set boundaries about loans and don't give him anything if you know that he does not have the ability to pay you back. It is not your job to constantly rescue him when he is capable of taking care of himself.

The bottom line is that we must accept people for who they are and where they are in life knowing that some situations are only temporary. If being with him is taking a toll and you see no way out then perhaps it's best to just cut the ties and find someone who is on your same path.

In the future, don't lend money if you expect to get it back. Some people will take your kindness for weakness and will take advantage of your giving nature.

37 years old....doesn't work.....leave him!

well sounds like you kinda made up your mind already...dump him and find a guy that can actually take care of you.

I stopped reading after the loan give him the boot and get your money. you are waisting time he can work and pursue his "dream" he is lazy and you are setting yourself up if you are looking for a husband then stop waisting your time.

I think you've been a meal ticket long enough, personally.

Its okay to date a guy who is unemployed but a whole yr,c'mon that is dumb. Of course, any live human being would be annoyed if you were paying for your bf or gf's expenses while they keep saying they are going to make money and never pay you back. If I was you, I would break up with him, because if he can hardly pay for himself, then he cant pay for a girlfriend at the moment. Until, he gets his act together and acts like a real man then date him. At the moment, explain to him how its affecting you as well that you cant go out because the only one doing the paying is you. There's a alot of jobs out there and to be honest I see no reason as to why this guy has no job. Maybe he should consider being reasonable over jobs instead of picky because it is obviously getting him no where. Explain to him that it is not over an issue of where you love each other or not but reasonable talk because its affecting you to a point where you dont want to jeopardize your relationship into making you nag about him all the time about not paying your bills and so forth.

being unemployed or not having money should not determine your love for your boyfriend.. on the other hand he needs to make an effort to find an income as he is a grown man... he needs to know his priorities. if he does not have responsibilities he will not make a good husband.. a husband that should take care of himself first and then of course the potential family he would have in the future!

It's too easy to just say "dump him". Tell him everything you've said here. Let him know you're ready to leave the relationship if things don't change. Set a time frame for that to happen. His feelings will be hurt at first but after all, if he really loves you, he'll thank you for pointing to these problems in his life and not just accepting - can you say, 'enabling' - :) - them. These are serious problems.

That's why everyone here is saying "dump him".

Every struggling artist needs a hustle, and to hustle hard. I don't know but seems like he might think it's easy to just become a writer.

I say give him a month to get some kinda part time job, and a month or two beyond that to pay you back, depending how much $ it is.

He might be worth the effort.

Is his writing any good?

:)

Good luck...

really say good bye and take on someone else when one has to start lending money that is not good and it can come naturally that they dont' work and you do i have seen it

To stay with him all this time and him taking more than giving--makes you a SUCKER! Pls don't be a codependent partner. You deserve someone better, girl. Pls get real!

There are a lot of fish out in the sea. You might be happy with him on a personal level, but his lack of work is going to be a big strain on you. Unless you're very financially comfortable, then it makes sense to cut it short now rather than drag it on. You can do it amicably without a big blowout fight.

Never loan money that your not willing to give up. True love always is there for the good and the bad. At least he's working even if it is small pay.

honestly my mother went through this with my father who used to be the hardest working man i know for some reason he could never get out of the slump it has been three years and they are no longer together and just over the past 6 months he is starting to get back on track still not fully there if you are only dating and not married he might just be comfortable with you helping him now and not trying as hard as he could to get his life back together you should take a break from each other and make him do it on his own you are not helping him any by always covering his butt finacially he know he always has you to pick up what he cant do i think you need to move on till atleast he gets his life together

Tell him if he loves you to get off his butt get a job digging ditches if he has to, he owes you big time, Whats is he going to write about? how to take advantage of someone that cares about you?

IF U DONT LIKE HIM ABOUT WHO HE IS THEN YES U SHOULD BREAK UP WITH HIM IT ONLY REALLY MATTERS ABOUT PERSONALITY............