How do I do this? And what do I do...?

My grandmother is 62 years old and she has a bad hip, bad heel, and literally no cartlige left in her knees. She also has asthma, arthritis, and diabetes. She is also bipolar and I even think she is already going senile.
****Here is my dilemna:****
She used to live on the 2nd floor of some woman's condo and it was very difficult for her to get up and down to her apartment. When my hubby and I moved out here, we got a 1st floor 2bedroom apartment so we could have an office/guestroom. After seeing her walk the way she does and struggle in her old place, we thought about taking her in. Then she said she wanted to get a surgery around Christmas for her hip and we decided it would be best for her to live with us. She readily accepted. She is contributing towards rent. However, she has not scheduled the surgery, she seems to be walking MUCH better and things have been very hard for us with her in the house. She sneaks around and I don't think I can trust her anymore. She lies to my

family back home. (I have caught her in these lies, I'm not going into detail) She brings people into the house when we are not here and sometimes when we are home she will bring someone over then when we say hi she says "Oh I didn't know you would be here". She has gone into our bedroom and lied about it. She writes us obscene letters claiming we lost something or took something only and when we tell her where it is she says "oh well I never said you took it". We want to ask her to find somewhere else to go b/c she has not gotten the surgery like she originally said and I am very fed up with the lies and arguments. My uncle (her son) also lives in town and they used to live together....She could have a place to go...I just need to know how to do it with respect and still being candid. We have thought about telling her we want to start a family and need the space...but that would be a little far-fetched. Please be kind and answer the best that you can. Thanks!

It sounds like what you suspect about the dementia is true.

Have you talked to your uncle about this? I'd call him first and make sure it's okay with him that she comes to stay with him. Tell HIM that she is hard for you to handle (you don't have to tell him the details if you're not that close to him), and that you also *think* you want to start a family (that way, if you don't, you can just later say that you changed your mind for now), and that you need the space and free time, and can't handle the hassle (I'd find a better word than that, though) of her care. Tell him that she still needs to schedule her surgery. It may be easier for him to get her business taken care of because he is her son.

That way, you don't have to confront her -- if she really is in early dementia, she may take that confrontation, no matter how lightly you make it, as a rejection. You can just have your uncle come over and tell her that he wants her to stay with him because she's his mom and he loves her, and you are not the bad guy.

Good luck!

u should sit her down and tell her that since she did not get her surgery like she said, it is time she moved out cause u need some space... tell her u took her in cause she needed ur help.. and she has been lying and you are fed up with it...

I mean, if yall want her out, then tell her politely that things are not working out. You can only be honest. Ask her if she can find a first floor small apt or something to move into. You all are grown and like your privacy and she's not respecting that. Old or not.. she's probably been used to living on her own with her own rules and it's hard for her to get outta that "funk."

IDK........ but sounds to me it would be best for you all if she finds her own place.

hello there i feel the way you are talking your grandma has alot of problems and you should try to understand her insecurity of being alone and she may be suffering from dementia and that is a sad diease that eats on her brain and they will wonder through things and put things where she doesnt remember and i have work with these kind of people in the nursing field
you may have to set a doctor appt for her and see what her doctor says and he may suggest putting her in a nursing home where they can monitor her 24 hours she does not need to left alone for any reason for there is no telling what can happen to her
sometimes we feel the ones we love is a burden and they dont know they are they are just looking for security and most of feel love for they may feel no body loves them anymore
i am telling you this for i lost my grandama and she was dead a year before i found out and she was my everything and i wish i had a chance to take care of her please dont turn your grandma way for she needs you more you could ever imagine

Clearly she can't live in a place with stairs.

Maybe you could find a place for her, where she doesn't have to climb stairs, and then let her know about it.

Word it in terms of her being unhappy living with you, rather than the other way around.

Enlist the uncle and other people around to help move her.