How do I handle this incident with the property manager?

Ok, I just received a notice that he wants to speak with me concerning my son's driving. It says that there have been a few complaints that he is driving too fast within the community. I have already spoken to the leasing agent and to my son and there is much more to the story than fast driving. (My son may only use his car to go to work and school - and may only drive into and out of the community as punishment-he walks everywhere else) One of the complainants is the leasing agent's boyfriend - who confronted and threatened my son in front of witnesses. There is obviously a big confict of interest here. It happened a while ago and my son thought he had resolved it with the office property manager. I was never informed of the altercation - I would have pressed charges. I do not know who the others were, but would not be suprised to learn that they were friends of the boyfriend. Do I play nice - or bring out the claws. Remember I have to live here!

Familiar w/'stealth' technology?

It's extremely effective... *L*

You need to play nice. Your son may be up to more then you think while youre not there. If it is the same incident, then you can address the incident. Always start nice, because you can always pull the claws out, if you start with the claws out you have nowhere to go.

When you go talk ... listen. Listen without interrupting.

See if she has real proof of what she tells you.

If you think she is full-of-bull .. and is being unjustly .. then for the time-being keep it to yourself.

When you talk with her - quietly & nicely - ask her who the others were - and you would like to hear from them what they have to say. Be a type of mediator -- which is to make her think you have stepped over on her side for a while ... tell her that you certainly don't want your son doing anything he shouldn't to anyone - so you would like to talk the others - so you will know every body's story.

Just gather information for now. Don't let her push your buttons to make you mad.

When she tells you what you are there for -- then figure out what you & your son needs to do to counter-act what these folks are doing.

Don't play any ace cards you have - unless it is necessary.

Try to get as much undisputeable proof of anything & everything. In the future - do the same.

If need be - you might get written statements from the witnesses you saw your son get threatened. If you could do this before your meeting - it might be your ace. Or - those statements might come in usefull in the future.

At the meeting -- be approachable ... listen without interrupting ... ask her what she wants you to do .. and try to be civil first. Don't let her push your buttons ... she may be wanting to.

You deal with it like an adult. Listen to everything the property manager has to say. If something is alleged that you don't believe is true ask for dates/times and any other proof. Remember, it's just possible the people complaining are telling the truth.

When the property manager has had his say you ask what you can do to resolve the situation in a way that's mutually agreeable to the both of you.

If you can't handle it like an adult you need to pack up and move.

"schurs04" is right on target. Extremely sound advice.

I have three teenage boys and I know how they act when they think no one knows. And of course, they usually make out (at first) that they are innocent. Not saying your boy isn't of course. But the possibility exists.

As for pressing charges; do you really want to fight your son's battles for him. My advice is to avoid that unless it is absolutely necessary (say if a weapon was involved).

The facts you have stated are only one side of the coin. Meet the person and listen to the story. Don't conclude on anything, I repeat, anything, just listen and tell the you will get back on this soon.

You do have to live there. You also have to live there with your son.

I'm very surprised nobody told you about this incident before. That your son didn't say anything about it makes me wonder whether he has something to hide.

That the leasing agent said nothing about it makes me wonder whether she knew of it, or if she has something to hide.

That the rest of the neighborhoold said nothing about it makes me wonder whether the property manager has some reason to silence everyone, or whether you just don't have any community here.

You're going to have to play detective for a bit before you even think of claws. You need to know what happened, and whether things like it happened before or not.

You should be able to talk to your neighbors, and they should be able to inform you of potential problems like this before the property manager gets involved. You'll need to get friends who can serve as eyes to make sure your punishment is sticking anyway, so go make friends, and try to find out what really happened... and what is continuing to happen.