Childless wedding...but someone replied that she WILL be bringing her two year old...?

After much debating, my fiancee and I decided to not invite kids to our wedding (due to space and $$ issues). On our response cards we even wrote out the number of seats we were saving for the person/people invited right in the invitation. One couple (friends of his, who I've never met) responded that them and their 2 year old would be attending (even though it clearly stated that only 2 seats were saved for them). I've already told very close friends of mine that we were not having children (and they therefore could not bring theirs, and they were completely fine with that), and I know that there will be hard feelings from these close friends if someone I don't even know brings hers. What is the etiquette here? Can I e-mail her back (our replies were via e-mail or phone) and explain to her the situation? I feel that it's extremely rude to do that, and can't help feeling pretty angry! Please help!

I would send an e-mail saying something like this:

Dear Mary,

I've just received your RSVP and I'm happy to see you'll be attending. However, I also noticed that have have included your lovely daughter in your final count. I'm sorry for the confusion, but our wedding is going to be Adults Only. Our venue isn't child friendly and we don't want the little ones getting hurt.

I'm very sorry for any confusion and I hope you can still make it to the wedding. I look forward to hearing from you.

If she has an issue, she's really being immature. It's not fair that children within your own family could not attend, because of cost and space issues. It's just not fair that a friend of the family, thinks they are exempt from any rules. If they decided to make a big deal about it. Just let them know, they are more than welcome at your wedding, but it is an Adult Only affair. Let them know it's nothing personal against their child, but that the venue can't accommodate children and you must stick to that rule.

first of all, I hope the invitation clearly stated that children were not invited (of course in a nice way). Second, even though only two seats were being made available, maybe they intended to hold the child on thier lap - not realizing that children were not invited.

It could simply be a matter of not knowing if you did not make it clear that children were not invited. Just statiing the number of seats does not make that perfectly clear when you only have small children that could easily sit in your lap.

just have your fiance call them and explain the situation - apologize for not making it clearer in the invitation.

Did the invitations say something along the lines of 'adult only' ? Because that is completely acceptable and within your right as a couple planning their wedding. You are justified in responding that for space and money issues the reception is adult only and you regret to inform them (you don't really but you have to be civilized about it) and sincerely hope they can be there if they can find a babysitter. But you might want him to break this to them via email or phone since he knows them and you don't?
Good luck!

Have your fiance call them up and tell them that it explicitly states in the invitation that you are only saving two seats for them, not three, and no, the kid can't sit in mom's lap. You need to get this settled soon so that they can find a babysitter. Have him tell them that due to expenses, children will not be allowed to attend. If they aren't cool with that, let them deal with it. This is your wedding and if they have a problem with what you want, screw them.

IMO your fiance should be the one doing this as they are his guests/friends.

Keep in mind that if you have never met these people, obviously it's been a while since your fiance has been in touch with them and they may just be assuming that you didn't know of the little blessing they now have. Unless of course it was clearly stated on the invitation that it was an adult only reception.

Either way they should be contacted and made aware of the oversite on their part.

Plenty of people do this.
Your best bet is to phone them rather than e-mail (i just think it makes YOU look better and more personable and they can hear your tone far better than an e-mail).

Just tell them "I'm sorry but due to space limitations at our venue, we are having an "adults only" wedding and only have 2 seats reserved for you. I hope you will still be able to attend, but we just cannot accommodate any extra people, even kids"

What she did is rude. Extremely rude, specifically as you already did point out the number of seats saved.
Personally I would email and state we only have two seats, no child minding, we are not allowing children in. So either it is just to two adults or none of you.
Of course a little bit more sugar coated than that, but still very clear on the matter.
My fianc茅 and I are saying fine bring them (two nephews 11 and 7 and a niece 1) but your responsibility. We are not providing child minding services.

We share the SAME sentiments! They are just plain rude to bring 'em. Just email her and politely excuse yourself for having to stick to your strict 2 seating rule because of space. Add a "Thanks for your kind understanding".

I can never understand why parents of little noisy children would ever have the cheek to bring their toddlers. It irritates other guests (obviously a wedding is a formal serious event!!!) and the noise and attention needed is so unsuitable for such events!

You treat her just as cooly as she treated you. Send an email back with "Oh, I am sooo sorry but there must have been some misunderstanding. As per the invitation, we reserved just the 2 places for you at the reception as we can not accomodate children. I hope it's not too late to get a sitter because we are really looking forward to seeing you and your hubby!!

I don't think anything is rude except for them bringing their kid to a no children wedding. E-mailing them and telling them no would be perfectly fine. I would make sure they are aware of the no children part of their invitation. I'm sure they will understand ecspecially if they know nobody else will be bringing their children. Congratulation

sounds like the seats reserved things may have been confusing for them... you should have written that it is an "Adult Reception" - everyone understands that means no kids. I'd call her and explain that no kids are invited to teh wedding.

Let her know that NO children are wanted at YOUR wedding.It is your day and she should respect your wishes. If she doesn't go because of it then shes the one who'll have to deal with it,not you.

I would not attend a wedding or any event if my kids werent invited. I think its rude of her to just bring them but if you couldnt afford to invite children you should have considered lowering your guest count!

Did you arrange child care for your guests or are you giving her the option of not brining her child with or not having a local baby sitter...especially if she's traveling?

It is YOUR wedding.
You should email her and tell her the situation.
It wouldn't be rude.

As long as your fiance is aware that you are going to be re-contacting these people because they are his friends and not yours, then go right ahead because it was stated that you would prefer if children of the guests could sit this one out, for your own personal reasons. Make sure you do it tactfully though, and try not to seem angry in your e-mail because is it possible they missed the part that asked them to not bring their children....and even if they were just trying to ignore it as thoguh it didnt apply to them, give them the benefit of the doubt and write something such as....Oh, im very glad to hear that you are attending the wedding, but I am a little concerned because of some personal reasons we can't have children at the ceremony, and so although we would be very glad to have your little one with us we only have accomadations for you and your spouse. Thank you for your understanding and we'll be very glad to see you on the big day!

Anyway, I hope this helped...Good luck.

This happen to me with my cousin who want to bring her 3 kids. I told her sorry no. Too many of our family had kids and if I let one bring them, all had to and that wasn't possible. She may think the girl can sit on her lap! I let them know that no kids are invited. And you must ask all adults to respect your wishes on this. You don't want hard feelings from other guests who are not bring their own kids. Let her know that.
My cousin and her husband ended up coming to the wedding and not to the reception.

It is very rude of them to RSVP for more than the indicated number of people invited. So, call them, and very calmly explain that it is an adult only wedding, and a two year old can not be accomodated. Thank them for wanting to come to the wedding, and you are still looking forwar to sharing your big day with them. You can e-mail them too, but that's going to be a bit impersonal, and they can claim they didn't get it and still show up with the kid.
PS, I am seriously considering having an all adult wedding too, which would leave my youger siblings out... It's just something we are probably going to have to do...

I totally agree with you, that is REALLY rude of them, was there any explanation as to why? I honestly don't think there is a way for you to handle this without seeming really rude. Have your fiance handle it, they are his friends. Maybe he can gently explain the reasons why kids are not invited. If the couple is travelling for the wedding maybe they feel they CAN'T leave their daughter anywhere as they won't have a babysitter in the town they travel to. In that case, maybe your fiance could recommend someone local to watch the child?

It's extremely rude of your friend to INSIST she is bringing her 2 year old. Oh, heck no!! You email her immediately and tell her that only your guest and her husband are invited, no children due to space and $$ circumstances. If she isn't in agreement with this, she can gladly RSVP that she will not be attending. Simple as that.

Months ago, I had one of my friends tell me she'd pay for her kids to come...but again, I had to explain that we are having no children and it honestly would not be fair to others attending who may not have the $75 dollars per plate for their children.

Weddings are a true test in patience, friendship and finances!!

They obviously did not read the invitation completely. Contact them and let them know that you have decided no children at the wedding. It is rude of them to rsvp this way. If they did not understand, they should have called and asked. If they choose not to come, that's their issue. Allowing one couple to bring their child when you personally have requested that closer family/friends do not will lead to bad feelings all around. Just call them and pretend that they must not have known, but this is your wishes for your wedding and you have already let others know children are not allowed. It's your day, and they should respect your wishes.