Is my wife cheating, with male friend?

not enough space here for all the details so ill try to put in what I can. After my wifes male friend (that introduced us) wife past away. she seems to be obsessed with him (she even followed him to germany once, before we met). He was her first love and first sexual incounter. now she has him over aleast once a week and ask me to cook for him, even though she knows I do not like any of it. she always tries to come up with some reason to have him over (buys games or comes up with projects for them to work on). whenever I am away and come home early, he is there. I asked to choose between her friend (she says he is like a brother) and me and she couldnt or wouldnt, and said she would but would hate me for making her choose. now he is over 2 times a week so they can hang out will I sleep in the evening ( I have bad health issues) we have fought about this 3 times and she said in no way is she fooling around with him but he is just a good friend. I feel like leaving or am I just crazy?

You are normal and sane. You shouldn't have to have him around so much. I wouldn't like it either. I suggest you see a marriage counselor, so you can get help to make her understand what the relationship with her male friend is doing to your marriage. Have you said to her, how would you like it if I had a woman friend over as often as you do? You really need a mediator.

well if his wife just passed away she may just be being nice but if its been a month or so then it sounds like she might be cheating with how much he is over. i would say that yall need to sit down and discuss it. DONT FIGHT!!! it wont help. maybe discuss times when its ok for him to be over and when it isnt. i hope it turns out for the better

She shouldn't place you in this situation... its not your fault... your feelings are justified... she has zero consideration for the "marriage"... break it off, organize your exit with a plan that benefits you, just leave and don't question your feelings... why doesn't he have a girl over too???

Call her parents, your parents, sit together and discuss openly. Do u have kids ? If not, probably everything will settle once kids come.

a real ultimatum would work, you can 't go on like this, it will only make your health worse.

imho, her relationship doesn't sound kosher.

He's more than a good friend. Perhaps your health issues are causing her to need more than you can give???

Call Cheaters. The TV Show that comes on late at night.

sure is

what I find most troubleing is that she show's no care that this is causing you pain. That should be your first alarm that all is not well at home. She has no regard for your feeling, only her own (at least in this manner). The fact that he's there when your not is another alarm bell. The men allowed in my home when I'm gone is family or repare men. It's ok if they stop by, but you can tell when someone has just got there or if they have been there a while.

I would not recomend that you push her on this. People have a tendancy to do what they are being accused of even if they havent previously. (the mentality of I'm already doing the time, why not do the crime). If I was in your shoes, I would simply put it to her like this

I'm not going to make you choose. But the fact that you know this causes me pain, and yet you contiue to do it anyway is what bothers me. When we got married, you became No. 1 in my life and even though I have caused you pain in the past (we all have) I never intenally contiued to cause you pain. Yet you contiue to cause me pain. I'm not saying that you can't see him, but that his visits need to cut back, and need to be when I'm here and awake. And sence he mean's so much to you. Then why don't you cook for him.

If you want further advice, please e-mail me.

You definately are not going crazy.
You do need to have a serious sit down with her. Making her choose was probably not a good Idea yet If you tell her that if she really loves you she will consider your feelings and how you feel about the situation. If she continues to have no regard for you whatsoever then You really have a serious decision to make.
You deserve to be loved and most of all RESPECTED!!!!!
She married you not him and yeah even though she says they are only friends you should be her first and best friend. That's what marriage is about.
Also ask her if the roles were reversed how would she feel.?
Show respect for yourself and let her know if she doesn't start respecting you as her husband then you no longer will be there because you do deserve respect.
Good Luck

I don't think she is cheating with him. If he is over two times a week and you haven't caught them yet, then I don't think you are going to, but there is another problem. Twice a week is really too much, especially if your wife knows it bothers you. Ask her how she would feel if you had a woman friend over all the time. One bright side though, I guess you feel safer with him at your place rather than her at his place.

There is something wrong with this guy too though. Unless he is a total moron, he should know that his excessive visits are bothering you.

Here's what I would do:
1) Don't tell your wife to stop seeing him, but tell her to cut back. Twice a week is too much.

2) Don't cook for him ever again. Simple.

you married her because you care for her or you want to control her no its not right for him to be over all the time and both your wife and that man should respect that and another thing is that you guys are married and should talk to each other and tell each other how you feel you can not just think about your self or think its OK to do something when you do not know how your spouse fills about it the way i see it it is wrong and she needs to understand the meaning of marriage but just try to trust her and pray and keep telling her how you feel don't get mad just talk >.......

You are not crazy, by any means. I know this sounds crazy, but I did exactly what your wife is doing and I tried to convince my husband that we were only friends. that there was nothing going on. I said he was hurting, he was going through a very bad divorce at the time and just needed a friend. I lied about how we met, when we met and everything else that was going on. I was having a full blown affair, right under his nose and although he had thoughts and concerns there was more. I told him every time that there was NOTHING going on, I swore on my dead fathers grave even. i was totally in love with this other man. I wanted to be with him in the end, and he knew everything about my husband. My husband traveled out of the country every 2 weeks he was gone for 6-8 weeks, our marriage was in trouble, he was unfaithful in South America, we had drifted apart, I couldn't get close to him, I met this other man, and I fell hard for him. We started out as friends, but it became much much more. My husband asked me at one point to choose between him and this other guy. I told him that I would not choose, that there was nothing for him to worry about and that I would not give up my friend no matter what.

what happened soon after that is disasterous. My "friend" didn't want to spend time together any more, he said our relationship had no where to go. He ended it basically. I told my husband, I ended it and would no longer be friends with him. I went into a deep depression, I began drinking alcohol away from the house while my hubby was gone. Alcohol had me flirting with strangers, I couldn't be with another man in that situation, my husband got protective and had others watching me. I turned to my room, locked myself inside, would never come out, isolated myself from everyone and eventually began using illegal drugs, became addicted, suicidal, hurt myself over and over and prayed for death. I was crazy!!

My suggestion to you is if you love your wife and want to remain married, fight for it. Not physically. Bring newness back to your relationship, get involved again. This other man does not need to be involved or included. He is an outsider and needs to stay that way. If your wife can't understand why you feel that way, I would say...they are more than friends after all.

good luck with this, mine life has changes completely. i am a different person today and I am no longer married.