Critique this poem (her Star)?

The thirst you had for holding me has been quenched, so you put me back in space
God, the things I would do just to get one more look at your face
Seeing me through your fickle telescope
watching silently, while Im dying.
How much harder do you want me to try shining?
How many times do I have to scream, Stop lying?
In our second lives different
I live with a pen, paper and verses of words kept secret
Youre giving birth to a baby, plus not even knowing who youd rather be with
Im not even sure If I believe it
21 were so f*cking young
And you, youre so f*cking dumb
But to me, you were flawless
I mean perfect
I have yet to meet your equal
Once upon a time in our world
We could lust each other
And still be with other people
But when I thought about it
I respected you as a woman
Doing all the things that I should do
I didnt know in this race, to get first place
Id have to be the first one that f*cked you
So what
I took second
But you said you would wait forever-
WAIT
Dont make promises to a star that youre going to break
I do realize that anyone who will ever read this
Will never even know what really happened
Or if now anything exists between us
I asked you how this happened
Youre reason was that we were meant to be together
So now we know youre not the genius
Im the Star
The past, plus everything red
Youre just a girl
you make me feel
The feeling of being dead
Yeah, were through
I knew that way before you-
but hold on
You Question yourself in that last letter
So Ill sit here and let you Second-guess yourself again

Yeah-that Idea sounds so much better.

It's more like a rambling rant. If you could find a distinct emotion to work with Star metaphor and shrink it to a dozen or so lines, you might have a poem with punch.

Well I liked it. I like when people just write what they feel even if it makes sense to only a few important people. Them poems are always the best.