If my b/f loves me like he says,why does he keep needing space to get over the wife hes divorcing?

My b/f and I met 4 months ago, we re both in our late 30s and getting divorced from our partners.We fell in love and were inseperable, he told me I was his dream woman and knew I was the one for him.He couldnt have been more loving and romantic, we even talked about getting married one day. Then he got all insecure one day as he gets extremely jealous, which I can understand, and finished with me! after a couple of days we got back together, but since then, one week he wants to see me, he takes me out,is loving etc., then the next week I get a text saying he isnt over his ex yet and needs to be alone for a few days! he is the one divorcing her and has been seperated for 18months! he says he isnt in love with her, its his little boys hes missing etc., but also says he wants security from me, but needs me to be patient while he gets over her. I dont know whether im coming or going,whats his problem?

You have to understand that that must be very difficult for him. He loves you, but his entire life is changing. I believe that he is through with his life, but it must be a strain on him not being able to see his little boys every day like in the past. You're both going through a lot right now. Just take things slowly, and be patient, like he said.
I'm sure he'll still be there for you after the divorce and everything, there's just a lot going on. You both have to be understanding and calm.

I know this is going to sound crass, but it's not really meant to come out that way.

You are the GIRLFRIEND, and that is a WORLD of difference from the WIFE.

You were there to have fun, and when he had his wife too, then all was good for him. But now he is having to deal with the pain of seperation and the breakup of his family. Thats not FUN anymore. In fact it is VERY PAINFUL, so painful in fact that I suspect he will stay with the wife whether he loves her or not.

Don't make the mistake of thinking men think or operate like women. They don't, DUTY to the family ALMOST ALWAYS is MORE IMPORTANT than love.

It took my dad about 5 yrs. to get over his ex wife, my mother told me. It took my husband about that as well. He was in love with her, but wasn't even aware of it. It made my life hell. My parents, same story. Especially where there are kids, it is not easy. He still has feelings for her, and why wouldn't he? Despite the problems they've had, there is history there.

marriagebuilders.com

That will help you no matter what happens. Read, work for your happily ever after, with or without him. Maybe your marriage could be saved. (I know that's not why you wrote.) This is a common, and predictable storyline. Keep moving in the direction you're going in, and history will repeat itself, and unhappiness will ensue. Knowledge is power.