Is this story board any good?

Erin Kyer: Chubby, pretty, nice, smart, emo, brunette, not tall but not short, bullied, goes to George Washington high, gullible, rainbow eyes, poor, watched her mom die when she was 5, lives with her dying dad, 16 years old.

Amerrah Newman: Skinny, pretty, nice, brunette, tall, smart, goes to JFK high, blue eyes, rich, has two twin sisters and a brother, has a mom and a dad, 16 years old.

Phantalla "Tally" Erbrocha: Skinny, tall, ugly, blond, dumb, work is unknown, hazel eyes, mean, persuasive, living space is unknown, has no family, 38 years old.

Fred "Fraud" Kier: Not fat but not skinny, not tall but not short, hair color changes frequently, eye color is unknown, wears unprescribed contacts, clever but dumb, living space is unknown, killed entire family, work is unknown, not handsome but not ugly, 23 years old.

Mrs. Kyer: everything unknown

Mr. Kyer: Grey hair, fat, short, blue eyes, ugly, lives with Erin, dying, unemployed, smart, 57 years old.

Setting: 2006, made up town, America.

Plot: Erin is forced to skip a lot of days of school to take care of her dying father. She gets kicked out and has to got to JFK high. She meets a girl named Amerrah and they immediately click. They find out that they live in the same neighborhood. After about a month, they get into a fight. Erin goes to the grocery store and meets a lady named Tally. Tally persuades Erin to kill Amerrah for being so rude to her. When they kill her they go to a man named Fraud for help.

give me tips and rate it but i wasn't trying to use big words because its a story board. who is your favorite character and do you think i should change stuff around and what should go next ?

sounds a little... dramatic! killing her for being rude? i think in the end she shouldnt do it. or the last sentence could be: Erin has two choices, to kill her or not, and Erin knew she would do the right thing.