Im not looking forward to being step-mum!?

Im currently going through a divorce and trying to buy my ex out of the property. it has been a really stressfull time and cant wait for it to be over. I have met someone else and he is helping me out with lawyers cost and so on - he also wants to move in when my ex moves out. problem is i feel obliged to because of the help hes given me - but what i really want is a break - he has a 10 year old son and i dont bond with him that well, hes rude and winds my 4 year old son up. His son has already decided what bedroom he is having. I just feel that after a really crap year i just want some space, im so worried about his son staying over that my heart is in my throat. dont know how to handle this with out upsetting anyone!

I also kind of feel that he just wants to live in my house - its been tough for me and he has a flat which needs doing up which i could of moved into but he hasnt - he also bought a 拢1000 a month boat - i just wonder if hes using me?

Just tell him if he could give you space? that maybe he could marry after a while not right away... if he doesnt respect that then he doesnt love you and its not worth the trouble of moving with him.

let him know that while you REALLY appreciate all of his help, you're not ready for someone else to just move right in. let him know that you & your 4 year old need to adjust after the divorce (which is already traumatic enough) and let him know that you want to slow down a little bit. and if he truly cares for you, he will understand. if he gets angry, then he might have been trying to use you.

There is a word that has apparently been missing in your personal vocabulary dictionary.

NO

This person that has been helping you, is a rebound relationship. You aren't even divorced yet, you haven't even begun to process the emotional affects a divorce has on someone.

You don't let someone take over your life just because you feel "obligated" You don't let people move into your home until you know you are in love and there is a future that you are looking forward to. (which you aren't)

fact of the matter is, you are going to upset someone, it is inevitable - but he had absolutley no right to push himself on you or into your home - regardless if he was helping you, and no right to make you do something you aren't ready for.

this is exactly why I tell clients NOT to get into a relationship until well AFTER the divorce is over with. You need time, even though at first you don't think you do. You aren't over your divorce, literally by way of the legal issues and mentally.

Sit this guy down and say, sorry, but I have to say no. Thank you for your help, but no.

Then get yourself into counseling.