Daughter having sex. Won't get birth control on her own?

My daughter is 21, lives with me and I help support her. She met a guy on My Space that she has been dating for about a month and gave up her virginity to. She is not using birth control and I can't get her to make a doctor appt for birth control. She said the boyfriend wears a condom, but I feel that condoms are not 100% foolproof and she is still taking a risk. Its not a matter her not being able to afford birth control. She works full time and has medical insurance. She told me that the first time he got up and washed and changed the condom several times. She also said that he keeps going for an hour or more until she is sore and she is under the impression that he is not ejaculating, even into the condom. She has started going to his apt almost every wknd even just for a day, and I know they have plans for her to stay over. She won't listen to me or to her best friend who has tried to get her to go to planned parenthood. What is her likely pregnancy risk doing what she is now

My daughter lives with me by her own choice. Its not a matter of my not letting go. I am simply concerned about her pregnancy risk and want the best for her.

It is good that she is using condoms. However, multiple forms of birth control decrease the likely hood of becoming pregnant.

I would praise her good choices for selecting to use a condom, but suggesting that another form would allow her to have more control.

Condoms are effective when used properly, The 80% effectiveness rate which is quoted by many public health organizations may be slanted do to operator error.

Your daughter should also be made aware that there are a lot more options for birth control than she may know of.

Contact your local Public Health Department and they will be glad to outline some options.

I used to give out this sort of advice for the Public Health Department. I notice that when people approach the subject of reproductive health they are mostly bombarded with issues relating to society and morality, but not so much sound medical advice. Report It

Why are you still playing mom to a grown woman? Let her go, it is time!!

she is using condoms so its not likely that she will get pregnant- unless they know the condom broke and some leaked out...then she should get the morning after pill. but atleast shes not being unprotected. condoms do work.

Part of me says the condoms are a good thing because they help prevent STD's. For some reason when people are on birth control they don't feel the need or don't remember to use Condoms to prevent STD's. You know?

I don't know what to say her chances are or anything I am sure someone can help you here.

My best friend got pregnant while using a condom when she was twenty two. It was obviously unplanned. She married the guy that got her pregnant and kept the child. She NEVER wanted to be married or have children. But, her life took a different path. She has now struggled her whole life to keep her marriage together and it has not been easy for her. It doesn't make any sense NOT to use extra birth control. Tell her to get an IUD. They are safe, do NOT protect against STD's but they are in place for ten years and keep you from gettting pregnant. Why take the risk?? But, as a mom, all you can do is hope :)

Your daughter is legally an adult, taking on adult responsibilities, and has a full time job.

Time for her to leave the nest and accept responsibility for her own life, and time for you to let her.

I would be more worried about std's, and condoms are the best way to prevent those (you know, besides abstinence). Even birth control pills aren't 100% effective.You can't really force her to get birth control, but you are doing the right thing trying to talk to her about it.

She should talk to her guy about how sore she's getting. It's great that he can last a long time, but not so great if it's not fun for her. Could he be using viagra?

Condoms are not full proof and she could get pregnant. They can break and leak, it is risky I say. She needs to get in some sort of birth control. Is she aware of the other options out there for her aside from the pill?

They also have different forms of spermicide they have a strip you place in your vagina that dissolves and they also have foam.
Maybe she is worried about the side affects of birth control, I had a friend who couldn't take any because she didn't want to gain weight.

Good Luck!

her pregnancy risks are pretty high if she isnt on bc...because like you said the condom is not 100% effective.... she must wants to have a kid soon....

I would be SO wierded out if my mom knew so many details of my sex life. Ew. Let her make her own decision about BC and stay out of it. Your interference will only solidify her decision not to go on the pill. Maybe its time for her to move out so you aren't monitoring her so closely-- it could be good for both of you.

If she's that old, and still being supported by you, she needs to follow your rules. Her stupidity can affect you, financially and emotionally.

Otherwise, she needs to find somewhere else to live, and someone else to take care of her.

Offer to take her yourself....or ask her if she's really ready for children. If that all fails, then I'm afraid there's not much else you can do. She's of age to make her own decisions. I know you are scared for her, but you must know that you are doing all you can do. She's a grown woman now and her actions are her own choice. You did the best you could. At least she's using some kind of protection though. It does lessen her chances of getting pregnant and/or getting stds

You really can't make that decision for her,she's going to have to make her own decision whether she wants to be on birth control or not.My mom didn't believe in putting me on birth control because she felt as if it was giving me permission to just go out & have sex.I of course got on it anyways,just for my sake.Maybe she'll give in & be put on it,You can't talk to her man that she's been doing it with & ask him to maybe talk to her for there sake?I hope this kinda helped,sorry!
Good Luck with your daughter!

Well, if she IS using a condom like she says then the percentage is 80/20
But, if she's not -- which I probably think so. Then it's 50% or more.
She won't listen until she gets pregnant or gets educated.
That's the sad truth.

Love,... You are dealing with an adult and you need to let it go.... If she gets preggers she needs to move.... It is not your responsibility to support her you are just enabling her if you continue to .... She needs to grow up so don't stop her....

put her up for addoption thats what i did to my 30 year old son

tell her to use condoms she is grown

you let her give it up to a guy she met over myspace...?

I know this is a tough thing for moms to handle.I would be so glad that she talks to you about these things,that is a great relationship you share!She is a grown woman and you should be proud that she is taking precautions.Be proud of her and you can only give advice and she will do what she wants to.I think with a condom it is very unlikely that she will get pregnant.Good luck;)