Let's say my wife were fooling around? Do I track the guy down and rough him up?

What happened to the touchy-feely 70s when us guys were supposed to embrace our feminine sides? Ok, Y!Aers, I get your advice: You mostly want me to man up, stop ogling other women, and confront my wife, who may be having an affair. I'll be back in town tomorrow. We all were in Disney World the past two days sans wife. The kids are asleep and the au pair is taking a shower now (Oh, Lord help me!).

Anyway, say my suspicions are correct and my wife is cheating? What's the protocol? Do I go find the guy and rough him up? Say he's really big and a kung fu master? Do I slice him and dice him with my professorial wit?

All I could picture lately is my wife sneaking around and doing it dirty with some guy. I almost blacked out seething about it on Space Mountain today. I'm meeting back with the PI I hired this weekend. That should be telling.

Something tells me I need to make a pre-emptive strike. Perhaps knowing the truth would hurt less if I did something that would hurt her first?

Dear Reality,

You sure do have an interesting life. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but sleeping with your babysitter is not going to hurt your wife. It is obvious that she could not care less how much time you are spending with her. Any woman who would allow her husband to go on vacation with another woman without her, any woman, is already detached from the marriage. It would probably make her feel better about cheating on you if you are cheating on her.

If she is cheating on you and wants out of the marriage, it very well could be that she is setting you up. Perhaps she is having you followed so that she can claim that it was your affair that drove her in to one. Revenge affairs are quite common, although not necessarily effective.

Be very careful. Even if it turns out that she is the cheater and you are not, most of the time it is the mother who gets main custody of the children. If you cheat too, it will be a sure thing that she gets them even though you are the one who spends more time with them. No judge would consider your babysitter to be a comparable mother figure, even if the mother works full time. And don't be surprised just how quickly she will drop her work load to keep those kids, if for no other reason than child support checks.

As for beating up the guy, I have to wonder about your thought process. Being the artsy type you do not have that logical ability to see the big picture. You live in the moment, which is endearing, but dangerous to yourself. The guy is a lawyer. He would sue you for looking at him the wrong way, let alone for harming him. Your wife would support that as well, I would suspect.

My last point is about the babysitter. Oh sure, you have given her a fancy label (no time for that issue) but that is what she is...a babysitter. You do not seem to be considering her feelings. You do not want out of your marriage, seemingly, and this girl may fall in love with you if you have sex with her. That is how most females work. If you care for her at all, please avoid hurting her this way.

Good luck with everything. If nothing else, I am sure that this experience will help you create some wonderful pieces of art, as artists thrive on doom and gloom, always perceiveing themselves as the victim even when in reality they are actually the villian.

Sincerely,

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Why would you go after the guy?
SHE is the one that is cheating on you.
Teach her a lesson and take everything!!

beat the **** out of the guy and leave your wife desolate.
she obviously doesnt love you.
i hate people who cheat.
they give you all this bullshit and waste so many years and all the love that you give them for one night of bad sex.

your better off!!!
dont be a doormat!

what? on your wedding day this guy promised to not love not honor and not obey you???

WTF does this guy know about you???

Your wife is the one who is supposed to be faithful, not the rest of the world.

Just track him down...and take him to Disney World...There are plenty of RIDES there for him to try out....

LOL...guess some people haven't been keeping up with your bogus story...

Listen...it takes 2 people and why would you punish the guy who maybe doesn't even know what's going on? he might know that she's married but also she could've had told him that you are cheating on her and she is unhappy...so I would not waste my energy and get a divorce :-)

If you don't want to confront her directly, just be good to her. Be so kind and satisfying to her that she'll feel guilty for doing things with other guys. Hopefully then she stops... or breaks down and asks you for help with her promiscuous addiction.

I wouldn't suggest playing her game... don't do anything nasty to her... it'll make it REALLY tough for the kids... and they have their whole life ahead of them to either praise or criticise you for being a certain way.

People that get cheated on always go after the wrong person. For example, if you wife is cheating on you - it's not the other guy that is the real problem, it is your wife's infidelity that is hurting you. The other guy is just a willing participant to what you wife wanted to do all along - 'if' she is cheating.
So, 'NO' - do NOT track the guy down and beat him up or whatever.
Just handle the issues at home - however you decide to do so. But that is where the problem lies.
I hope that she is not cheating.
I wish the best for you.

If you've gone so far as to hire a PI, you're pretty well convinced she's cheating and I'm guessing you're not happy with her regardless of what the PI will tell you.

Whether some guy is banging your wife gives you no excuse for assault. I think you should mellow out and figure out if this woman truly is what you hoped she would be on your wedding day, cuz I'd guess a paranoid angry dude isn't what she had in mind.

PI gives you proof? Get an attorney & draw up papers... then get on with your life.

I hate to say this, but hon, it almost sounds as if you are getting off on all this drama. IF the Mrs. is cheating and you aren't willing to put up with it, then grow a pair and leave.

First of all, IF your wife is cheating, how do you even know that this man knows your wife has a husband? I don't think finding him and roughing him up would be a good idea. The guy could be just as in the dark as you are. However, if the guy does know your wife is married and he's involved in an adulteress affair, the trouble still lies with your wife because she had to make the decision to step out on your marriage. She took vows with you, the guy didn't. I would hold my spouse responsible for an affair, not the other person.

Your wife is the w*ore who lured this guy on. Guys back off when there is a red light and go when the woman gives them the OK, green light. Punish her by leaving that trash. Go to this site to look-up cell phones, address, and home numbers on this site:
http://www.intelius.com/ or http://www.whitepages.com/
if you want the revenge that you are looking for, here are some ideas too:http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso/50_m...

I don't get it. Why would you want to stay with someone you don't trust? Forget about going after someone who's cheating with your wife -- there's a good chance he doesn't even know she's married! Anyways, even if you were to do this, and it stopped him from seeing her, you still won't trust her ever again. If you want your relationship to work, talk to her and find out from her what she feels is missing in your relationship. If you can help things to get better then give it a try. If not, then you need to part ways with her....

Honestly, Leave the guy who's doing the 'dirty' with your wife out of it.

Your wife is the one you should confront and make an example of.
She's the one who really needs to 'roughing up'
in a non physical sense.

For all you know the guy shes dittling could of been told she was single with kids

i try ed ,out late watching her bowl' buy her more asked.,. her ,she went off in out space,,,2 months later she's out ,divorce pending,,she's living with him.....i burned their house down..got 8 yrs prob.,, never forget her, or my money an 8yrs

Don't waste your energy, just leave her and take the kids and everything else! She doesn't deserve you if she is cheating on you.

Nice.

yea, why would you be angry with the guy ? a man ain't gonna turn nothing down but his collar....

Wrong.

First of all, find out the truth, first. For all you know, it's something else entirely. But I'll answer based on the assumption you're correct and that she IS cheating on you.

Now - what good would roughing him do? Believe it or not, I highly doubt that it would get him to stop. If anything, your wife would simply want to split. If you beat up her other guy, she also might start fearing for her own physical safety. AND, the guy could slap some assault charges on you, regardless of him sleeping around with your wife.

And of course, there's even the possibility your wife is pretening to be single, and he doesn't even know that she's married. No sense in harming a relatively innocent man - again, it would only hurt you.

What you need to do is talk to HER. Confront *her* about it. Ask her why, too. Is she being selfish? Are you not satisfying her? Does it have nothing to do with you, and she's just getting tired? Are you two seeing each other less? Are you (or her) more stressed or something?

Talk to her, and figure out why. Harming the other guy wouldn't accomplish anything, and would probably come back to bite you in the ***.

And if she isn't cheating on you...well, you might still want to take another look at your relationship. Suspecting your wife of cheating on you, and seriously believing it enough to hire a PI, says that something' seriously wrong with the relationship.

Long story short? Talk to her. If you're still angry, hit the gym, run a marathon, or even get into a fighting class or some sort - let out physical stress/frustrations in some place besides beating the crap out of the other guy. Talking to your wife while calm will most likely end a lot better than if you're stressed when you go in.

Dont be goofy, kick his
A
S
S
!

Investigate and find out if your suspicions are true. If, unfortunately, they are, why risk going to jail over someone else's lack of self respect? The guy isn't where your anger and hurt should be directed. You need to deal with your wife,but not in a physical way. Good luck, you sound like the kind of guy a lot of wonderful, single women would love to meet.

I think you should really talk to your wife first without trying revenge already. What I mean is that if ever she IS cheating on you, well it's better that you learn it now so you can get over it faster.

Think about it, talking to her may solve a lot.

Stay away from the guy,if she is cheating and you decide to divorce beating people up may give her the upperhand in court.You shouldnt really make any preemptive strikes,just sit back and keep your mouth shut and pay attention, if she is cheating she will slip up sooner or later,you will know the truth then

Don't go after the guy,don't do any thing that could get you in trouble. If you do you will only give her a good excuse for cheating on you she can say that you have a bad temper and that you abused her. Get every thing in order,clean out your bank account and any other savings you might have because if you don't then she will. Get your self an attorney and then throw her a-- out. Ben There Done That

I don't know why the first inkling is to go after the other man or woman.. your wife is the cheater.. handle that problem and not the guy she's cheating with.. trust me I know... so often we blame the other man or woman who our spouse is cheating with but reality is our spouse is the one that took vows and are cheating on us.. The "other" man has no obligation to you to keep it in his pants... your wife should not go sniffing around. Go figure it out with her and stop wasting your energy wanting to fight him. I know when my husband cheated I blamed her at first.. then came to my senses and blamed him. If you feel better cheating with the aupair fine.. but when you wake up not only is your wife still cheating on you.. you will feel guilty after the feeling of one up is done..

Use your ninja like moves and do your best chop suey on him!

if u got proof that she is really cheating..u don't need to do anything to hurt her, just call her a cheap dirty big fat bit*ch and dump her like rubish (divorce) is enough to hurt her..!
lets public know u are divorcing her (this famous lawyer) because she is a real bit*ch is good enough to teach her a unforgetable lesson.
if u cheat before u confront her, this might make her feel better, she can tell herself that she is right in the first to cheated on u first, and she can even get this chance to have the kids.
u don't need to fight with that "other man" for a bit*ch that doesn't deserve your love.. its not worth it..!
a good wife is a precious germs bless by god to u..
but a cheating wife is worst than a "prositute" ... not even worth thinking of (no matter how u enjoy having sex with).

but before u do such a curel thing... u must make really sure that she really cheated on u ! i got no hope for u to hurt a good innocent but workaholic wife. its not a sin to be workaholic, u know?

hey buddy i wouldn't hit the other guy. get the goods on her save up alot of cash and then divorce the wife. Move on with your live with the kids and au pair.

I do not think you should rough him up. I think you should leave her because she is cheating on you. The same advice I would give a woman. If she is cheating on you, she does not love you, at least, she does not love you enough.

Take her for everything she's got!!! Um are you sure you and the Au pair have nothing going on to make your wife suspicious?

Step your game up playa!
Leave that playa alone, he don't know you so it ain't his fault. TRACK DOWN your WOMAN UNTIL U HAVE PROOFS. Once taken the proof that she's cheating, throw it at her face and leave.
BUT tell us honestly: AREN'T U BANGIN' YOUR AU PAIR? BE HONEST. IF U ARE, CHILL OUT.