What you gonna when you are sick and tired of living with an alcoholic parent?

My dad is an alcoholic way back when he was a teenager. My mom left us when I was 6 bec. she couldn鈥檛 handle their sick marriage life anymore. She is now in Germany with her new family. My dad usually gets drunk at night and becomes wild, angry & would really turn the stereo鈥檚 volume to the max that our neighbors in our apartment get disturbed. I can鈥檛 do anything but hide in my room bearing the tremendous hurt & shame & cry when it seems too much already and just wait for the nightmare to end and that everything will be well and peaceful again. Sometimes he promises not to drink anymore and he tends to quit for a few weeks or months, but then he would later go back again to his habit. I have been living with him for 21 years together with my grandmother & caregivers/househelps. After graduating College, I accepted the graveyard shift cashiering job offered by my aunt who owns an Internet Caf茅. I chose the job even if I am underemployed in it just so I could escape the troubled life I experience everytime my dad comes home drunk at night. It鈥檚 almost a year now in my present job that I tried to live a peaceful and normal life since I can avoid sleeping at home and endure the painful situation cause by my father鈥檚 drunkenness. I just go home during the day to sleep and go back again to work at night. But the pain is not yet over when I thought I have escaped it already bec. these past few days I come home and find him having a drinking spree with his drunkard friends early in the morning or afternoon with the stereo blasting out so loud. I really don鈥檛 know what to do but to walk away so hurt and ashame. And I feel so afraid for fear that he would humiliate me & create havoc in my workplace. It鈥檚 really a miracle that I survived and finished College despite my miserable situation which gotten worse during my first years in College since my grandmother had a stroke and would cry also during the evenings or late at midnight bec. of her arthritis. I really don鈥檛 know what to do anymore. I wanted to run away and live a new life own my own but I feel that if I leave and turn my back on my dad, it gives me a deep sense of guilt for not being there to help him esp. that he is jobless and sooner or later my aunt would quit supporting him financially. He never wanted to work to earn a living bec. he was totally dependent on my aunt and grandfather. In our country, children still have a great responsibility over their parents even if they are beyond legal age due to close family ties culture. When my dad is sober he is a great person but a totally different & mean person when drunk. The next day when he wakes up everything goes back to normal. Sometimes I think that he is not really my father and that I am not his daughter bec. he never worked even once to feed his family or send me to school. It was my grandfather and aunts who supported me financially and meet my school needs. My dad neither care or even interested with my studies or helping me plan for my future. He says he is proud of me but he didn鈥檛 do anything to prove that he is. I am so sick and tired of this kind of life that I feel I am cursed or something. I tried my best to live a good life and strove hard to be a good Christian. But life is like forcing me to be insane,mean and angry with the world. Life seems so unfair to me bec. I was deprived of parents who should be nurturing and supportive but it鈥檚 painful to think I was left to stand on my own. For me, even if I finished College, I still feel like my future is so dark and that I am going to live in misery for the rest of my life. I still keep praying and hoping one day he would change. I still don鈥檛 know if there are Al-Anon meetings in our area. But I feel that Al-Anon groups wouldn鈥檛 solve the problem.I am 21 now but I don鈥檛 know if life would be better when I find a new job and rent a space to run to in case he is drunk again when I come home from work. But I feel life would still be the same bec. I think he still wouldn鈥檛 change. How can I really avoid living the pain of coming home and frequent worrying whether he is drunk or sober when I cannot dare not to return home as much as possible bec. I don鈥檛 want to neglect my father and grandmother? But living in such a depressing experience is affecting me that lowers my self-esteem so much.I didn鈥檛 went into any relationship bec. I am ashamed of my life. I seem to be always living in anger and fear everyday of my life. How am I supposed to live a good life and finally find happiness having an alcoholic dad?

Heya

My dads an alci too, It sounds like you really need to get out of there.Sinse you have a job could you not afford a cheap flat or even a room hire.Maybe move in with a friend or relative.These are my plans im going to move out as soon as i finish school.xxx

i went through the same thing.
it was very hard living like that.
leave home. and find a better place, better life.
good luck, i hope everything gets better for you!

Join an AlAnon group, which is a group form family members of alcoholics ("codependents"). Just being in the presence of others who share your experience can be very helpful.

AlAnon groups operate in nearly every city of every state.

Good luck. I feel for you.

Honey, you wrote a book, and I admit that I didn't have time to read it all.

I assume you're living in your dad's house. Forget about dad. He needs to experience being without his family. Maybe he'll sober up.

If it's not dad's house, he needs to be kicked out. Change the locks.

If that's impossible, look for a place for you and grandma to stay elsewhere. Friends, family, or a new apartment. Work regular hours at a job that uses your skills. The money will be better and it will help you and grandma take care of yourselves.

TX Mom

If I'm missing something, e-mail me, but keep it short. Can you tell that I'm an editor?

You move on with your life and start a family of your own while making sure you dont follow in his footsteps. You also give yourself a pat on the back and be very proud for getting an education despite the environment you were raised in. I went through similar circumstances and you just put it paste you and get over it. I had to live with someone who did drugs and drank themselves to oblivion while threatening to take her life everyday. Im over it and Im better than that. Its easy to sit and sulk apon it, it more challenging to make a difference in you own life.

I was married t one for 20 years and have 3 boys it will never change ...I don't mean to sound distraught but a person like that does not care about the next...only their drink and themselves...........nothing will change until you change it...
you might want to try and find al anon as what happens we take on a role in the abusive relationship that enables them to keep drinking...move in wiht your aunt...