How do I break up with a man who loves me?

I have been dating a man for almost a year. We met when while I was going through a divorce.He lives about 6 hours away, but worked thru the long distance thing well. We seemed to have alot in common and had fun together. He moved in with me for about 6 months while he was working nearby. I realized that he gives into peer pressure easily and is an alcoholic. He said very mean things to me and is extremely jealous. I told him recently that I need space and was not ready to be in a relationship when I met him. He is now trying to change because he loves me. He says the changes are for him though and not for me. He knows his problems. He has quit drinking, going to church, reading the bible, but is now SMOTHERING me. He has a history of depression and his dad committed suicide. He is a great man, but I dont think he's for me. How do I end this w/o hurting him or giving him a reason to hurt himself? I love him & want to be there for him but I'm afraid that the changes are superficial.

There are many things about this situation that scream out at me. It鈥檚 simply amazing to me that you have USED this man to make yourself feel better and then want to dismiss him because he is no longer needed. You yourself pointed out that he is trying to change and become a better person despite his own personal daemons. He has stood by you when you really needed someone. To think that you could possibly return the favor and help him on his journey instead of casting him out, because he is no longer necessary to your well being. Women continual talk about how men aren鈥檛 there for them in their times of need. Here we have a very clear case where it鈥檚 stated by you, that this man has been there for you in your time of need. Now he needs someone to help him and your solution is to dissolve the relationship. For shame. Perhaps he is better off without you.

Update: I need to apologize to you for this opinion. I have some things going on in my own life right now that are very similar to this. I really do feel bad about posting this to you. the only positive thing is that maybe you could be the person that helps him change. I think you have awakened some sort of light with in him. Good luck.

Just do it.

Clean breaks always work. You may feel like you're being harsh at first, but 6 months to a year from now, he will have moved on (hopefully) and you wont have to deal with a messy break up.

Be truthful with him. Put yourself in his shoes...you would just want the truth.

End a relationship with out hurting him huh ? Not possible at all just sit down and tell him how you honestly feel dont tell yahoo answerer's you and him need to have a talk and figure out what each of you want and don't want in this "relationship" you need to be honest with your self before you can be honest with any one else

you have to be truthful with him first of all. and you have to know that no matter what he does, it is 100 percent his decision. tell the truth and be firm. don't give in to his begging and promising to do better. people can change, but you have to trust your gut feeling. if you feel it's superficial it probably is. good luck.

there is no easy way to break up with the person you love, it always hurts in the end no matter how nice you try to be. i f you really want to leave him then you have to sit down and tell him how you feel, he has no choice but to understand. you're not responsible for his actions afterwards because i say any man who would want to hurt themselves over a women is an ***! Love is very strong but i'm not going to hurt myslef because my man left me, i would just have to suck it up and move on and just what he's going to have to do! Dont stress yourself worrying about him if you want to go then do what you have to do!

Just do it and tell him you dont love him, who cares if he loves you!

i think you should follow your heart but love is sometimes hard to find trust me i kno

Just do it. If u think he may use harrassment, just say him it's too much, u need time, and blah blah. You don't even have to say the truth. Say anything, whatever it's true or not, but do it, because, listen well : he's jealous and alcoholic : ... This man will beat you. It is SURE (didn't he start being violent with his words ? Next stage is violence. Break up right now. The sooner, the better.

Sounds like he has a lot of stuff to work out before he can be a positive in anyone's life... but it also sounds like you've already decided that he's not the guy for you. Alcoholism can never be "cured", and only time will tell if he can manage to keep control of this disease. Untreated depression can be just as awful. His real problems/issues come from within. Jealousy, depression, saying "mean things" to you... those are things that can't just be fixed overnight. He needs time to work on those things, and he needs to be SINGLE while he does that. As far as him hurting himself, you're not going to give him a reason to do that no matter how you handle this. If (God forbid) he were to choose that course of action, it's not about you, it's about him. You do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and happy. You can break up now, and try to "be there for him" at whatever level you're comfortable... but nothing you can do or say will "make" him hurt himself... and staying with someone you don't love out of pity, or fear of hurting them isn't being honest with them, or you. If he goes through the long process of getting a grip on all of his issues, improves, and you think he would be a positive in your life, you can always investigate the possibility of a relationship at that time.

If you like the way now and are afraid that he's going to turn back wait and see. It takes a lot to change your life style that your accustome to even for a loved one. If you just don;t have feelings for him like you used to your gonna have to sit him down and just say look, I think your a great guy but, I don't like you that way anymore, I think we should start seeing new people. etc...

He's going to take it hard no matter what you say or do, you can't tell someone who loved you that u don't feel the same way and expect them to be like oh, ok no problem then just walk out of your life, or at least if he does then he's got even bigger emotional problems and needs to see a scicoligist. Sorry for the spelling there.

If he loved you which I think it's safe to say he does then you should go and ask him to see a professional for some help cause you can't deal with all the problems he's got. If he loves you he'll do it. It all depends though for what you should do.
The real question that you didn't cover for us is, do you love him? If you do you need to work it out somehow, love stops for no one, but, if you have pasted that and don't have those feeling you need to tell him and get him out of your life and for godsake, DON'T!!!! Tell him you need to see new people and call and see hows he doing or anything like that, if u cut him off it's over thats it, it will only hurt him more if your around cause then everytime he see's your face it's gonna reopen that wound or hears your voice etc. I know I've been here before, the best thing to do if u leave him is to leave him totally, or at least till he gets over you but don't leave him and stay in contact it alway's makes things worst.

Good luck and I hoped I helped:)