Are these any good?

My soul burns by day
And cries by night
As darkness and light collide...
Do i sway to death, or to life?
Darkness takes a hold
Controlling my life
Feel the rush of hopeless despair
It tortures my soul.
Now go back
Return
My heart takes flight to where darkness meets light.
Maybe we'll meet inbetween
In a world where our souls burn bright
And our hearts pour out the pain of yesterday
Until light gives into darkness once again.
Or will light fade away
Clearing space for a ray of sun
Shining down on us
Bringing hope for tomorrow
And days to come


embracing the pain
pain holding death within its self
searching for freedom
its discovered
written in scars
a way out
written in my blood
finally i have
the freedom i pursue
only to discover its no freedom
confined to four walls
and darkness closing in
the blood pours out
im never to be seen again
but the tears running down your face
wash away the pain

so close
and yet so far
how can it be?
a broken connection between two hearts
two souls so close
but broken beyond repair
so close i can feel you breath on my face
but im deaf to a cry for help
your face hidden by the darkness closing in
a wall being built between two hearts
built by a broken soul
to afraid to love


are they any good at all?

I hope that you are honestly interested in a critique. A lot of people ask for opinions only hoping to hear praise.

A lot of what you've got here doesn't make sense. I'm not ignoring metaphors, but it doesn't cohere into strong images into emotional connection -- sort of like you strung together a lot of images that you think sound deep, but really signify nothing except "the world is dark, it's all meaningless, O, the pain, the pain of it all." Not saying that angst and ennui aren't worthwhile topics, but without any resolution (even one of bleakness) then it's all for nothing. So to speak. I guess I'm not sure if you really mean this or if you just think it's what you're 'supposed' to write, you know?

I think you enjoy writing, but you've got to learn to remove the self-consciousness from it. You are spending too much time putting up pretenses and distancing yourself from what you're writing. It's almost like you're playing at the whole thing, showing how deeply and sincerely you're thinking. You've got to forget your readers altogether, write honestly, forget the pretension and the woe-is-me stuff -- it doesn't ring true.

I don't mean to sound condescending -- I applaud your desire to write. I wish more people would try.

Keep writing, don't censor yourself (that's not the same as don't edit yourself) which also means don't wear a mask -- you are censoring yourself when you are putting on airs just as much as you are censoring yourself when you won't write what you feel.

they are a bit different from the poems i normally hear, it sounds kind of bloody and dark for some reason but that;s probably just your writing style

those are really good...i especially like the second one more...he's got like deepness to it.....does that even make sense? well idk but the are really good

I like it, even if it is a bit different than what people are used to. It's your own style, not some one else's!

dude, that was... AWESOME. I felt every emotion. mostly darkness, but hey that's cool. I like your style!