We have had a great 9 months but now she wants to slow things down because we started fast and she needs space

We've had a great 9 month relationship meeting through friends but were not really friends first now she says she feels smothered, can't be herself or doesn't know who she is anymore. We started having sex right away and ever since and spending every minute together mostly due to her not working and being around...but it seems like she feels like she hasn't kept in contact with friends or family or other things by her own choice and decides that it is because our relationship got too serious too quick. She is24 and i am 30. She says it may be just her but i dont know what to do because she pretty much broke up with me today by saying she needs space and some other things but also saying she loves me and cares about me deeply. Does she mean that to be friends or to get together once she figures herself out? I have told her i would give her as much space as needed. She also says I seem upset when she has to go stay at her place or go so maybe i come across as needy. I love her.

I think when we jump into a relationship quickly, we think with our hearts and not our heads and emotions will generally rule until the 'honeymoon' period is over....it's called lust. Then when reality sets in and the relationship goes into a practical and common sense mode, quite often the dynamics of that relationship will change. I beleive that this lady does care for you deeply, but obviously, for her, reality has set in and she is clearly feeling overwhelmed by it all now. You really need to give her the space she wants, as hard as that may seem for you, it will only make it worse if you continue to push for answers and try to win her back at this stage. My suggestion is, make no conact for at least a week or so, perhaps send her a text message or an email and simply ask how she is going, but don't ask about the two of you or if she has made a concrete decision. You clearly love her and if she feels that things can work out with you, then she will give you every indication that she wants to see you again. I know it's not easy when you've fallen in love, but you need to think of her feelings as well as your own. It would be terrible for you if you lost her completely...good luck! You sound like a great guy!

Don't you just hate it when they pull that 'I need my space' thing on you? They just do that because they don't have the balls to break up and be alone while they look for someone else.

# 1, why don't you wait to make love when you get married instead of fornicating and having sex? What pleasure comes from having sex without love? Any way, the answer is that she wants to dump you. Stay away and give her space for a month. If she comes to you, that is great. If she doesn't, you have been dumped. You will get further by playing hard to get than to call and try to push yourself on her. Been there done that as most on this site. Oh, she may even try to use you just until she finds somebody Else. Yep, people do that. Do not let her use you. Boy, you are in a tough situation.

It can be tough when the relationship starts off at a million miles per hour - after a while you can get to feeling a little overwhelmed.

I actually had a very similar experience once, and I was the girl who needed space. It wasn't out of malice or lack of love - I just honestly felt like I needed to step back and sort things out in my head. I think if you respect her space and still reach out to her just enough to let her know you still care, you will be fine and you two will get back together soon enough. Also, be open to hear what she has to say about the things in your relationship that made her feel smothered. Seek to reach a compromise that makes you both happy. I really think things will work out just fine. Best of luck to you!

Try to incorporate her friends into your plans together so she does not need to feel as if she is choosing one over the other. You could start by incorporating her in with your friends, and then mention you are open to doing something with her friends and her.

Also as far as appearing needy:

Keep in mind the tone of your voice and your facial expressions, you may be revealing a lot through those even though you are telling her she can have space.

Be mature, romantic and nice but without being too forceful. If you do something nice for her or make plans don't make it seem like a big deal or mention it in conversation.

Work on being the best boyfriend you can be and allow her time to figure that out without pressuring her. It may take more time than you would like.