Alright, here's the story:
She pursued me on a dating website, and I totally wasn't interested. Finally after she convinced me to meet up, we jumped into a relationship WAY TOO FAST.
My problem is (and I know what exactly happened here) is I made myself WAY TOO AVAILABLE for her.
Twords the middle she told me that she was feeling smothered and she needed time for herself, but like a dumbass, I didn't give her the space she needed. Though I'd take some time away from her with my friends (guys nights out), I still called her, or texted her.
So anyway, last night, she told me that she is confused, and she doesn't know why she doesn't feel the same way she did in the begining of our relationship. She was almost in tears last night when telling me this. I left and said maybe we some time apart. She said she wanted to work on this and not break up, but wanted to feel the same way again (find that spark again). So last night (New Year's Eve, of all nights) I went out with some friends and we had a blast. She texted me "Happy New Year", and I called her and told her this (with a huge party in the background):
"Happy New Year. Hey I was thinking about what you said, and I totally agree. We do need some space between us. There are things in my life that are important, and I'm putting them off because I'm with you all the time. I think time between us is a good thing. I can't guarentee you though that if the oppurtunity comes up, I'm not going to date anyone."
She immediately got real short, and said, "Alright, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye." I said bye as well.
Later that night she wrote me a text message saying, "Having fun I take it. Where did you say you went? U must have already met some 1 hot by now."
I texted her back saying, "No but having a great time"
I haven't heard from her since last night. Is this salvageable? It's the cat string theory. Throw a ball of yarn to a cat and let go of it... the cat will quickly get bored with it after a couple of swats. However, hold onto it and dangle the string just out of reach... you'll play with a cat for hours.
You jumped into the relationship and dumped everything you had for this girl into her lap. When you did that, you realized how well that works... she gets bored or even pressured and just wants to feel like she did when you first started talking.
Talk to a stranger compared to a friend. Notice how your stomach feels? That tingle is an evolutionary trait shared in all animals. It is the sense of danger.. the sense of fear... this feeling is good when it can be handled. After anyone of us escapes from a dangerous situation... we feel triumphant. The same way you feel after you talk to a beautiful girl or a beautiful guy and you manage to crawl away with your heart still intact.
Make yourself mysterious to her again and hopefully the "space" hasn't been endangered enough to where you can salvage this.
My advice is to give her space... but if you wait on her to call you back, chances are she'll only run further away, not just for space. I would communicate to her one last time, give her an idea that your a stranger again and that your interesting.
In order to pull this off, it can't be a lie. Come up with a venue (place to go) and even if you go alone it's okay. Let her know that you've taken her advice and that your going to give her space and go out to such and such place (rave place, club, bar) don't invite her. Don't text throughout the night. If she texts or calls you, let it go to voice mail. Call back after the night but not during your little outting.
"Why didn't you answer?"
"I was busy." This implies your life goes on without her... you don't need her. You lived such and such X amount of years without her, and another year won't mean all the more difference.
Harsh? No... it is giving the relationship meaning. You don't need her... now there is a reason for her to stick around. Her goal, to make you want her. Your goal, to find out more about her.
Common mistake made by us guys. We qualify girls as our mate waaaaaaaaay before they are worthy of it. We flirt, showing our intent and "need" for them way before they show us they are the girl we want.
Girls common mistake is not giving guys a chance.
The way around this is to play it differently. Don't come at her showing your need, or even your intention for a relationship. Find out more about her, find out who she is instead of affection affection affection.
Now keep in mind that this little ploy I described above may not work with this girl. There is a good potential that this will all backfire and this girl will not only get jealous of my advice, but she may also get so pissed that she will just say "I quit".
However, is that truly the girl you want? A girl who pursued you, then asked for space, then said now your giving too much space? Find out who this girl is... then make YOUR choice not the other way around.
G'luck bro. I need some space means, "CAN WE JUST BE FRIENDS". There is no reasoning or reading between the lines in this situation. I think youve played this perfectly, if you act like your not too bothered about taking space and then go out and do your own thing she'll get jealous and want you back, treat them mean keep them keen, it works a treat! |
