Is he really worth the bother?

Just over a year ago I got in touch with my biological father, I had met up with him once when I was 17 but before that had not seen him since I was adopted by my step-dad at age 10.

The meeting went fine and he then sent me birthday and christmas presents last year but contact soon wore off again. I called him the other day - he didn't reply, just a random text telling me he couldn't talk as he had 'man flu', I got not so much as a birthday or christmas card, text or email this year!

Honestly I find him and his excuses pitiful, made all the worse by his supposed over excitement about me getting in contact with him again.

Should I really bother with him any further or just write him off for the waste of space I currently think he is?

The last contact I had with him before the other day was when I text to say sorry I hadn't been in touch but I'd moved house (which he knew about) and then suffered a miscarriage. I got no reply to that at all.

my ex wife took my daughter aged 3 and a half from the UK back to her home country, and denied me any contact whatsoever with her.
when she was 18, my daughter made contact with me, via my mothers address which she had found,, after a series of letters and phone calls my wife and children travelled to her country of residence to see her
we met as arraigned, and spent a pleasant day together, and arraigned to meet the following day
she didn't show up, and refused to contact me or answer any phone calls for the remaining 12 days we were there
nor has she made any attempt to contact me in the 12 years that have since passed
there is not a day goes by that i don't think of her, and i feel sorry for your bio father for everything he has missed
enjoy the warmth and caring you do receive from those around you

My dad's just the same he never writes, emials or calls me, unless I prompt him to doing it.
The only time he got in touch willingly was when he and my step mother wanted me to look after their dogs while they went to Canada for a fortnight.

His loss not yours. He will miss the joy of being a grandad. Enjoy your life as it is. I don't think you need anyone else pet. I have been through something similar myself. Just not worth the grief.

It sounds like he doesnt want to put any effort into knowing you. That happens to many of us and the best thing you can do for you is to move forward with your life and not look back. Dont dwell on the past. I did better after I just let it go and had goals to look forward to. If you have something to look forward to in life it keeps you from looking back. Im sorry he did this to you. Its no reflection on who you are but on who he is.

If you're getting no response, I honestly would let him go.

His loss--he real really regret these decisions later in life when he mellows out some. He will want to see his daughter and grandchildren---maybe just give him time but get on with your life. Hopefully he will come around

I am 30 and I just found my father in October this year. Never had communication until then. I made the first move and felt that after the excitement of hearing from me and not having me curse him out wore off he felt that it was all good. He gave me this sad story about why he didn't do this or that, but it only made me more angry. I have a total of eight siblings 4 from mom and four from him. It is hard being the kid and the adult, I know. He never callls me I always call him. Two of my siblings from him have been in contact one frequently. One wants nothing to do with me and the other doesn't know about me yet. The wife is the worst. Only you can decide this, trust me. I have talked to this one and that one as well and nothing they have said to me has helped me in deciding whether to let it go. I have wanted this all my life and when it happened it was no way what I expected. I have stopped calling because I feel he owes me this. He walked out not me, I made the first step now the ball is in his court. You should do the same, your life is going on just as mine is without him being in it actively and it will continue. I know it hurts and you will never understand it, I tried and I am no closer to an answer. I feel your pain and I can relate totally, I wish you all the best.

try to forget him, hun. your step-dad is more of a father to you & at least he loves & cares for you. it's easy to be a biological father, it's the parenting bit that's hard & is what counts. diane.

i got divorce from the fist wife about ten years ago
but never once lost contact with the boys,
i know this is a different scenario to yours but the point I'm trying to make is,,i couldn't go through life not knowing what the boys are up to....
also i told the boys they could contact me anytime

can't understand why any father wouldn't want to know how the well being of their off spring is doing...
sorry but he is being a Pratt,,
you might be in the position that you need his help and he is not there....
forget him babe....the answer gang will be your family

No darling, he's not worth the bother.

I had a similar scenario to you - my parents divorced when I was 10 and my step-father (who is a brilliant man) basically bought me up since then. My father re-married as well, and his new wife did not like having me around. The contact between us got less and less until I was 14 when it stopped altogether.

When I was 21, I sought him out, but he was very offhand - just hi, nice to see you - no let's catch up or anything. The pain started to recede quite a lot from that point on.

When I was 30, he contacted me. His marriage had broken down and he blamed his ex for not contacting me. It didn't sit well with me, because I felt he still could have maintained some kind of contact - I was only a child, but I knew she disliked me. We had a tentative relationship, but I felt odd calling him "Dad" when my step-father had gone through the teenage years, the boyfriends, the 21st, my marriage, etc.

During this time I had my two children. My father then got a girlfriend - and lo and behold, the relationship started to peter out again! I could not believe it. His girlfriend used to contact me, but I felt angry because I wanted a relationship with HIM, not with his current spouse! By the time I was about 34, the relationship ended again - and I am now 41 and have not seen him since.

I do know that his relationship has ended and I feel sorry for him - a man in his 60's with no daughter - and also, his two sons by his second wife, were estranged from him due to the interference of the girlfriend. Complicated huh?

But, I got over the pain and lack of care and interest from him a long time ago. I've made my peace with it. I wish him no malice, but I don't stay awake at night worrying about him.

If you wish to try and make a relationship with your biological father, perhaps write him a letter setting out your feelings and hurt - I did this with mine, and it really helped me seeing it all in black and white. He did acknowledge that he was wrong, but still tried to blame everything on his ex-wife. I realised he was a weak man that I did not want in my life any more. I wasn't getting anything out of the relationship except stress. It simply wasn't worth it. If your father does not answer or does not contact you regularly, then forget him. Perhaps let him know when you have a family, but beyond that I would not bother. He's forfeited his right to be your father. See him for what he is, and pity him, but do not let him make you upset or angry any more.

x

Find comfort in the genuine effort you made to bond with him, he obviously doesn't want to reciprocate your efforts, which makes him the pitiful one,{WTF is "man flu?"}, the fact that he had no compassion or concern for your loss, the miscarriage{I'm so sorry, how awful that must have been for you, sending heartfelt lol}, let's me know that he cares not one iota for you, or your well-being, please don't let a person like that make you feel any less, the only thing you have in common with that guy is DNA, don't bother, hon, don't continue to waste your energy on someone so negative, continue to be happy, count your blessings, accentuate the positive.{like, that Step-Dad, cause, he's your real true Dad!}