okay..i dont really kno how to start this..only few ppl kno about it and that already seems like too much.. i have noone that i feel comfortable talkin about it with but i kno i would feel better if i get it all out. it happened a few years ago and i keep trying to think that time is goin to heal how i feel..but its been almost 5 years and i still think about it almost everyday. time heals NOTHING..it just makes it easier to talk about..so im gonna try venting thru this blog. noone will ever really kno how i feel but i will try to narrate it the best i can for yall to understand what really happened.
it all started back in 2003 when me and my cousin decided to go on a trip with my stepdad to mississippi..he was a truck driver and he had a huge 18 wheeler with a bed and everything in it..and i had been on MANY trips with him before..but never without my mom. this was the worst decision i have EVER made in my life..it was really stupid on my part cause i knew how my stepdad was..EVERYBODY knew!
the 1st day my mom brought him home i KNEW something wasnt right! i was about 7 or 8 and i had just got out of the shower. i walked in the living room in my towel and my mom introduced us..and i asked my mom to brush my hair out..and he said "ill do it" and got me to sit on his lap and brushed my hair very slowly..i was creeped out! you just dont do that..specally when you 1st meet a lil kid. but a couple years later my mom got married to him..and i guess he got use to being with us so much that he felt like he could do what he wanted in our house...so one day me and my sister went in my moms room and cought him jacking off in his sleep with the door wide open. we told my mom and she just said hes a guy shes sorry and she would say somethin to him...little did we kno that was just tha begining..me and my sister cought him jacking off ALL the time. he would even come in the living room while us and our friends were watchin movies and put a pillow over his dick and just start jacking off...like he really thought we wouldnt notice. eventually everyone of our girl friends in tha neighborhood had seen his dick and was talkin about **** that had happened when they were at our house. that man would get naked..put on a house coat..and come in the living room and spread his legs wide open...when we told my mom she would always make up some excuse of why he did it so we just stopped telling her all the **** he was goin. we just had to try to turn the other way and act like we didnt notice. like when he would always 'accidently' walk in the bathroom when i was using it....and he wouldnt turn around really fast and walk out like a normal man would.....he would say 'ohh im SOO sorry' and look me up and down before walking out. and one day i was sleeping on the couch..and when i woke up i saw tom in the living room looking out the window..then he walked over to me and lifted up the covers i guess to see what i had on. and one night i woke up and he was just standing in my room..i was creeped out! and i would like to note that i have never ONCE seen my dads penis outta my 17 years living..but living with him for about 6 years...i seen it enough to draw out a picture of it..its so disgusting!
anyway..about the trip. me and my cousin got ready to go and i could tell my mom didnt want me to go..like she knew something bad was going to happen but she knew if she said no that we couldnt go with him cause he might do somethin then that would look bad on her part...like why is she with him if she dont trust us alone with him..so she let us go
a couple hours after we started riding me and dionna were in the passanger seat together and he was driving and we were talking about alot of stuff..then some how we got into a conversation about sex and he started telling us about his sex stories and about ******* some girl at a bar through her shorts. and started askin us questions..but we were BOTH 13 and BOTH virgins. so we really didnt have nothin to say..so he started sayin it would be funny if we flashed another truck driver.. i didnt have boobs and my cousin had big boobs so me and him both were trying to get her to do it and i was tryin to hold somethin up to make sure he couldnt see but he kept sayin..'noo i want to see the look on his face when she does it' and we just kept sayin noo she'll do it if u turn around. but he wouldnt so she didnt do it. then like an hour later he starts getting us to talk to other truck drivers on the c.v. radio...it was alot of fun at first messing with them freaky truck drivers..but then tom pulled into a truck stop full of trucks and backed in so all the trusks were facing eachother in like a big circle {it was pitch black outside} and we started talking to more and more men...then he gave us names to tell the other men..mine was jail bait and my cousins was sum other freaky name...and the truck drivers started askin which truck we were in and we didnt want to tell him because we had no clue which one he was in..but tom said for us to turn on the light and he was goin to hide in the back so the men couldnt see him..but we kept freaking out so he kind of got pissy..not really mad but in a **** you to then kinda mood. and he left and went in the store and me and dionna seen him sittin in the gasstation for about 25 minutes at a window just watchin what happened..but he came out and we left.
so the next day we start riding and we were bored and i told tom that i had never been drunk before so he said that he would stop and get me and my cousin some beer..so like an hour later he stoped at some store and came back with two six packs of smirnoff. so we got SOO excited and we started drinkin and i didnt like it so i was sippin it..but tom said that we were about to go over the borderline and he couldnt have alcohol in the truck so we have to chugg all that we can and throw the rest out and when we were drinkin he would lift the end of tha bottle up tryna make us chugg {i feel soo stupid for not noticing what he was doin..i was soo oblevious i had NO idea untill about 2 years later that he was just tryin to get us drunk by makin us chugg it..i thought he was trying to show us a good time and make us like him...but he knew EXACTLY what he was goin}
so anyway we drank most of it and he threw tha rest out and me and my cousin was buzzin like crazy..we was fallin all over tha place and actin stupid..like a 13 year old does when they get drunk..but like 20 mins later we started gettin tired so we went to the back where the bed was..and there was a curtain behind both of the seats that you can close if you want privacy while ur sleepin..so we closed that and layed down..about 10 minutes later he opened the curtain about a foot wide and started jacking off where we could see him. i showed dionna and we watched for a min.....{i kno descusting}.....then we both went to sleep.
me and my cousin were asleep on one side of the bed.. i had sweat pants on and i woke up to something digging in my coochie hard like they were trying to go straight thru my paints.i felt down there and the first thing i felt was a hand and i grabed it and slung it away from me and look down to see what tha **** just happened and i seen that tom had layed in between us at tha bottom of tha bed. i just layed there..i didnt kno WHAT to do..do i get up and throw a fit or will he go crazy on me..so i just layed and about 15 mins later my cousin turned around and i was so happy to see that she woke up so i was like "ur awake???" and she wispered "yea come in here with me"..and we left and went to the frount of tha truck and when i seen her face i could tell she had been violated..she told me about how he thought she was sleepin and he put his hand on her knee and just kept goin up farther and farther untill he was at the top of her thigh then she moved and that was when she thought she woke me up..but i was already awake..and i told her about what happened with me..
so we got back to atlanta to meet up with my mom and the first thing she said when we got in the car was "did everything go okay?" and we both said yea..i kno i should have told her then but i just knew that she wouldnt believe me and i would get in trouble for drinkin and tryna get dionna to flash that guy and talkin to them men on tha cv..so we just didnt even think about tellin her. we didnt tell anybody.
until a couple days later..we were down stairs at my grandmas house and my sister and her sister were there..and we started tellin them about what happened..and they just kept sayin you have to tell you have to tell and i kept sayin noo no no..i wasnt even trying to go through all of that then i already had so much other **** going on in my life..anyway they talked me into telling my grandma and they said they knew she wouldnt tell..and we were going to tell her everything except for the alcohol thing.
so we went up stairs to the bathroom and started telling my grandma about it. she promised she wouldnt tell at first but then she called my mom and her mom and then they called the police.and i was just thinkin 'what have i done!' i could tell by the look on my moms face she when she got there that she didnt believe me..she looked so mad and sad at the same time..like she knew her relationship was over all because of me. i immediately put a wall up when she came in..i didnt want to talk about it i didnt want to talk to the police..i just wished that i would never had said anything about it at all! i knew **** was never gonna be the same. my grandpa made my cousin sware on the bible that she wasnt lyin so i kno that he didnt believe us either! her mom was the ONLY one that believed every word we said! she said she could see it in our eyes! she knew we wasnt lying. why.why tha hell would two 13 year olds lie about that anyway..do they think it was fun for us? do they think we enjoyed all the bull **** we had to go thru? i went through hell that day! i had to tell the police the story twice and everybody got mad at me when i said that i didnt want to go to court..why would i want to go to court? at that point i NEVER wanted to see him again in my life. he changed the relationship with me and my mother completely because she thinks i ruiened her life by lying about that **** and going and tellin my mimi...
this was the worst time of my life! i have NEVER been so close to the edge!! and after all that had happened..i was at my dads one weekend about a month later and we came home early and guess who was there when we pulled up..yep. at my house with my mom. it was tom. after all of that **** she was STILL talkin to him....i went crazy when i got in the house ..as soon as i got in my room i just started bawling and yelling at my mom and i went and stayed with my dad for a few days..it just prooved to me that she didnt believe me..cause if she did believe me then i dont think she would ever talk to him again!
i kno what happened that weekend was my fault too..but i felt like i went through so much ****..so much pain..so much of just knowin my whole family thinks im a liar..so many bad looks.. i had to go through all of that because of him and he got nothing..my mom got nothing..she couldnt even just stop talkin to him for me..he made me hurt like no one has EVER made me feel and he got nothing....she could have at least believed me and been on my side. but first he did then she COMPLETELY betrayed me.
it was all 3 of our faults..i shouldnt have went cause i knew how he was ..my mom shouldnt have let me go cause she knew how he was ..and he should have never done any of it...
it was all three of our faults..and im the ONLY one that suffered. it wouldnt have hurt near as bad if i would have never had to see him again..but not only did i see him twice after that..but both times he was with my mom. i felt like she choose him over me and if she had a choice then she would kick me out and let him move in..but she knew she couldnt do that..i felt like a stranger in my own house..like she didnt want me there..like she didnt even want to look at me or talk to me. can you imagine how it feels to kno your mom hates you over something like that? i knew she loved me yea...but i knew our relationship would never be the same after that and she would have to constantly hide something from me..to this day i kno shes still talkin to him.i took a couple of her phone bills about a year ago and looked at her calls and seen that she talked to him ALOT.. and the last insident that happened was about 2 months ago..she called our house phone from her new cell phone and thomas cromie popped up on caller id{his name} and i asked about it and she said some bullshit about how she just needed help..she didnt have money for it so he bought it for her.....okay what tha ****..what tha **** are you doin for him to make him buy you a cell phone outta tha blue?? its just so ****** up! ive never been so depressed or ****** up in the head as i was then! i was an emotional wreck for years after that and i still think about it all the time! i will never trust my mother and i will never feel bad about lying to her..how could she do this to me? i know she cares about me and loves me and she could do SOOOO much better than him..so why????? why? thats all i want to kno...why????? to this day we still havent sat down and talked about it..even though we BOTH know thats what we need to do. i just wish i could change it all..i just wish i could make her see that this wasnt my fault. i didnt mean for any of this to happen and i would give the world to be able to go back and change it!! i still cringe everytime i hear his name..i HATE hearing him name..no matter who is saying it or about what.i hate it! i have soo much hate for that man i dont have room to hate anybody else! i wouldnt spit on him if he was on fire!! dead ***! i hope he dies a slow and VERY painful death..he would deserve every minute of it!! but karmas a *****! everything he did to my family will come back on him one of these days..and i hope im there to witness it....if im not the one pursuing it!
well..now yall kno my story. thanks for reading..i kno it was long. but now i need some input........am i just trippin?? do i not have a reason to be mad about my mom? do i not have a reason to put out there what he did to me my cousin and my whole family? am I tha one trippin? let me kno what yall think...good or bad...just be honest!
thanks yall so much for all of yalls comments..you all make me feel so much better..not 1 person has said that it is at all my fought and i dont kno how but it really makes me feel so much better....and lol i know its long ppl. yall dont have to read it...but if ur bored or something....i would love to hear ur input...thanks again 鈾?/div>
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I just read about your whole situation here. First of all, it is not yours or your cousin's fault about what has happened. It is all his fault and nobody else's. Your mother was wrong to not have believed you. The only person in your family that should be complimented for a job well done was your grandmother. She knew what happened was wrong and made the decision to call the police. He has committed three crimes that I know of. First, he has taken indecent liberties with a minor and secondly, he contributed to the deliquency of a minor by providing you alcohol. Third, he should have been charged with indecent exposure because you had seen him naked numerous times. He definitely is a pedophile, and you're not the one tripping. It's normal for you to feel the way you do. You may need to go for some counseling and see if that helps any at all. The bad thing is he is free to do this to someone else and most likely will and probably already has. It's been five years since this all happened, so there's no telling what has happened. If you know any other children in this guys life, I would casually ask them about their life with him. He needs to get his day of justice and it's long overdue. As for your mother, I can honestly see where you're coming from. She basically is contributing to the delinquency of a minor by bringing him around you. It's wrong of her to do that. You're only seventeen and you're already thinking more logically about this than anyone else. You're to be praised for that. It's not your fault and not your cousin's fault either. I hope you and your cousin do find closure in this. I don't know the law in the state you reside in. There may be a statue of limitations for having him prosecuted. Maybe, the best hope is for someone else to come forward with the same allegations. I know you're telling the truth and can almost feel your hurt even though I don't even know you. It might be a good idea for you and your cousin attend counseling together. Just rest assured, all men are not like this. This guy is a coward for what he did to you. I wish you well.
I think you're a very mature person and you seem to understand everything that happened very well. You understood the consequences of different situations before they happened even at such a young age. You have a good head on on your shoulders. You are not in the wrong. What happened wasn't your fault, and a good mother would trust her daughter and know that she wouldn't lie about such things. You may understandly need some counseling to get through this, and that man should be in jail. Shame you didn't go to court.
At 13, you didn't bear any responsibility for his actions even if everything was consensual.
Yes, you asked for the alcohol. Yes, you encouraged your cousin to flash her boobs. Yes, you knew that he was a pervert when you got in the truck with him. Yet, none of that matters. You were 13 and he was an adult. It was his responsibility to not give you alcohol, not encourage teen nudity and not violate you.
You'll never forget it and never really be "over" it. But you can learn to cope with it. You can learn to forgive yourself.
As for your mother, she should have known, but love can put blinders on people. She knew he was a perv, but maybe she thought he was only an exhibitionist and not someone capable of rape. And she may have been so insecure herself that she thought no one else would love her.
It probably wasn't a matter of choosing him over you. It was an internal conflict and what won out was her not wanting to be alone the rest of her life and feeling like she would be. As you got older, you'd be leaving the house if you hadn't already, and she wanted someone there to comfort her.
It's a bad situation. The best thing you can do is to make sure you don't repeat your mother's mistakes.
Get counseling.
your story is way to long for me
Your most definatly not tripping, what happened to you was wrong and you shouldnt be blameing it on yourself either. You were 13, you dont know any better then to stop it then. NOT your fault tom is a complete pervert. Honey you should be pissed at your mom, how could she not stand by you when you are so obviously hurt by what happened, and to bring him back into your house is horrible. I dont know what advice to give you, maybe living with your father is a good safe haven for you, seems to be a place of comfort. How can you feel safe around your mother when she wouldnt beleive you if you got raped. Good luck to you sweetheart, thats all I can say.
You did nothing wrong!!!! You need to seek therapy! Go to a church or look in the phone book for services and someone will help you. Keep searching until someone helps!!!! This man is a disgusting human and your mother is very wrong for not helping you!! Please don't stop looking for help for your sake and the sake of others he may hurt!
Wow.I haven't read anything that foul in a long time.You have every right to feel the way you do.That man took advantage of kids.He is most certainly a pedophile.You really should have pressed charges.I know that you felt like you were wrong too, but you were a minor.Now you are a pissed off adult.Your mom was dead wrong.One day she will come back to you and apologize for choosing anyone over her child.You are an adult now.You don't have to be around any of them if you don't want to.You may need to talk to someone about what happened and what to do about all of your anger.It is not healthy no matter how justified.Don't give anyone the pleasure of watching your life fall apart because you are too damn mad to move on with it.
holy **** i am not going to read this wtFFF!!!!!
but if anyone reads this and thinks his a pedophile tell someone and throw his *** in jail
What he did to you is so wrong,no little girl deserves to go through that. Your mom should of believed you theirs no reason for you to lie to your mom,this is a very serious issue, i know its hard to face him but you should take him to court and testify. i know how it feels my brother molested me wen i was 5 years old and it took me till i was 13 to tell my mom. it scary wen someone your supposed to trust violates you like that
man i must have no life cause your message was hella long and i read the whole thing , but it was interesting
im sorry buddy it sux i know, i hope it all works out for you in the end
WOW.
I can relate to you so much.
When I was three years old my real father did a lot of that. Not that he was a trucker, or got me drunk. But I had an older sister that I wanted so much acceptance from I would do anything.
After my father did stuff to me I told my mom. And my mom left him. To my sisters belief I was lying and none of that ever happened. To this day my sister still says I lied about it.
Tell me how much sense it makes for a three year old to lie about that.
But all you have to do is look past that. And I鈥檓 sorry your mom doesn鈥檛 believe you. But one day things will change and she will see.
Just take time with life, and try your hardest to move on.
You can do it. Believe me
I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that awful experience with a VERY sick man. Number one, don't ever blame yourself (or your cousin) for going with that man...you were kids, and kids are very trusting. They given even the worst adult the benefit of the doubt.
Number two, yes...he's clearly a pedophile and needs help with his sick thinking. I can see how you're mad at your mom, I don't know why women decided to go back to men like this. I know my aunt took her husband back after he molested her son (his step-son) Everyone was in shock that she would forgive him for that....I think it's disgusting and she should be ashamed of herself. But you know what? Women think that men like that can change for some reason....too bad, that's not true. Im sorry that your mom has that wrong perception, maybe she'll realize the truth. In the meantime, stay away from that pervert...you know how he is. So does everyone else...they just want to deny it because facing the truth is too difficult and makes them uncomfortable. Look him directly in the eye and say "Stay away from me. Understand?" Don't yell, don't smile as you say it either. Just talk in a normal voice, but make eye contact...he'll get the point. and if he asks you why...simply say "...think about it." and don't say anything else. Let him know that you are not afraid of him and he has not robbed you of your power OR dignity by manipulating you and your cousin during that trip.
He'll get the message and back off.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
never, ever think that.
find someone you can talk to and help get through this with
no, u are not trippping, you did the right thing. and you are not the only one suffering, your cousin is suffering too. you are eighteen now, either going to college or doing something else, you might need to comfront the both of them (but come do this with more people that you have told this story for protective reasons). after this confrontation, try to find another suitable match for your mother. the reason why she went back with tom is bcos she is lonely and need to be loved and find someone to love,you need o find someone else for her and persuade her to make it work. TELL HER (WITH AUTHORITY AND STRENGHT) that she must do this bcos you might/will take drastic measures towards the relationship she has with tom.
your other option is a very tough one that i would only advice in extreme emotional turmoil-----------you will have to "cut off" all tides to your mother or else tom and her mutually agree to never to see each other again and then follow up by going to court and getting a restraining order between your mom and tom or get a warrant to arrest him based on "being a pedophile--i dont know the actual legal terminology"
you have to make sure that your mother knows that you are serious about exiting him from your life
I've never ever seen a question this long
Wow. You need to see a counselor or someone at your school.
OMG i am so shocked by that story
THE POLICE HAVE TO PUT HIM IN JAIL
its iilegal for him to give u alchohol
its illegal for him to touch you
its illegal for him to masterbate in public
and he should be EXECUTED
omg HE IS A PEDOPHILE RAPIST
how could you live with that
ITS NOT UR FAULT ITS HIS AND UR MUMS
i would either kill him or myself
or your stupid mum for not believing you
holy **** do something about it
Yes, He is a pedofile and I think it was so wrong of your mom to go back with him but a lot of people do some very stupid things for love. You should write him a letter, and let him know how you feel and like the others on here said get some counceling. I think it would help you out a lot.
well watch your back if this is for real
How long did it take you to write this stuff
try condensing it it is way tooooooo long
1. that is statuary rape
2. you have to somehow catch him in the act and get your mom to see it also.... (catch him on videotape maybe??)
3. how da hell did u get all these words into one question entry???
and no he is not a pedophile.... he is a Ephebophile
So me and my mate decided to read ur story!
and WTF!! he is FCUKT in the head and should be SHot! and WTF is wrong with ur mum! if that was my mum i woulda knocked her out! asif after everything the PEDO did 2 u she still took his side! dw nothing is ur fault... so dont even blame urself one bit. i hope he gets wat he deserves whether it be from u or sum1 else.
this was a lot to read but i think what the guy did was wrong but what your parents and family did by ignoring the situation was worst.
The man should be put in jail.
If you can find him guilty, then go for it.
Just make sure that you don't let this ruin your life because it's not worth it -- trust me!!!
sorry that happened to you and your cousin.
