I am at my wits end?

I am fed up with my 3 year old...I feel like it is just getting worse and worse.

I'll start with the background info. My son is 3...and he is a handful. For the first year of my son's life his father was absent. I met a man whom I married last January, we had a baby in Feb. and my grandmother, whom my son was very close with past away in August 2007. We also just moved into a new home last month...it's a lot for a 3 year old to handle.

My son throws the worst temper tantrums and is very defiant...I feel as if he is on a road to all hell. When I say temper tantrums, I mean...fits of rage and anger...he hits, trashes his bed room, screams violently (not swear words) but things like I don't like you and what not...he has anger and rage in his face and it scares me. He gets mad very easily and doesn't know how to control himself when he does get mad. He jumps and strips down naked as well.
I am just scared for him...I don't want this to continue because I fear that he will end...

up as a trouble teen. I am at a loss on what to do. I have tried every method of discipline...even ignoring the behavior and letting him work it out on his own...and nothing has helped. These outburst are recent in the past 5 months or so. Please please...can any one help me...or is there anyone I can relate to. I feel I am alone...my husband and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I completely agree with everything 'lovebeinamum' has said. I work in childcare and i see tantrums everyday. The other piece of advice i can offer you is this: you said that his tantrum is triggered when your special times together come to an end and he is then sent to the naughty corner. Maybe try kneeling down beside him at this time and asking him to calm down. Say 'I will talk to you when you calm down and you are ready to listen" and wait. when he is ready to listen, explain to him that you need to go take care of your baby or you need to do the housework. Maybe you could even ask him is he'd like to help you. involve him in the other areas of your day to make him feel appreciated and needed. I think it's fantastic that you set aside time to do activities with just your son. If you want time away from him or just need some space, try explaining to him that mummy needs do some work now and could he please do a special picture for mummy while she is working. or whatever, something to keep him busy so he's not feeling like he's being left alone all of a sudden.

My feeling is that while he is still feeling the loss of his Grandma, and moving house has uprooted his stability, he is now seeking your aproval more than ever. You need to ensure that he is feeling your love at all times (i know it's hard sometimes) and that his special times are not the only fun times he has with you.

I'd love to hear how you go with your son! Please feel free to ask me any more questions you may have. My email address is meisme@hotmail.com.

i think you need to take him to a child-behavior specialist. easier said than done, i'm sure... but now is the time, while there's still a chance of re-molding him into the sweet little boy you know is in there somewhere. best of luck.

i agree with the person above me. I dont know much about children but he could be a little confused on how to act properly. The child specialist sounds like a very good idea. Also he may be dealing with the death of his grandmother still, just in his own way. Im sorry if I'm not much of help but good luck and i hope things get better for you and your son.

Personally it sounds like to me alot has changed for the lil one in the last year or so.. Does he know his biological Father at all??
He's crying out for attention, even if you dont like how hes doing this I'd say thats what its all about.. Do yoou have any kids with your present husband? that to could play a factor into the whole situation!

I have recently been introduced to a new parenting style called "Love and Logic." There are several books available which you might even find at your local library. I wish I could offer some better advice but I too am having trouble with my three year old. We actually went to a class about this and it was wonderful. I am now reading a book about it. They have some great ideas. Hope it helps.

Call your local school district special ed office. you are entitled to a free evaluation. He is obviously troubled. the question is why, and what to do about it. Ask for a psychiatric eval as part of the process.

AS adults when we experiance tough times we can communicate our feeling and get them out of our system. We can talk to others, analyse ourselves which all mean that in one way or another we get to heal ourselves and move on.
With children this doesn't happen. He cannot communicate that he feels great loss for his gran, his new house and sibling, this new father figure. All so much for him to deal with as you say/ For kids I don;t think time heals as such like with adults because they need to understand what's happening for them to move on, do you see what i mean?
Have you tried talking to him about these things? I would have a conversation with him and talk to him grown up and explain that you know lots has happened and it's OK for him to feel sad , confused and frustrated.
Try spending one to one time with him. Praise him for every little good thing he does. This will give him attention he craves and he will want more, so will behave better.
It will take time though. He sounds increadably frustrated. These rages he has are a result of his feelings about the last year and the feelings are lingering because he doesn't know what to do with them and doesn;t understand them. Talk to him about them and his nan. GIve him big cuddles and tell him how much you love him and that he's your special boy.

Also, children need stability and his life at the moment seems very unstable (not your fault I know). I would introduce lots of routine things for him to feel more secure. THis will really help him!