I need your help desperately?

My 19 year old brother has recently been diagnosed with depression.The family were devastated to have found out,but it seems the anti-depressants have picked up his mood &hes been out &about &seemingly recovering.Problem is,we dont know 4sure as he is extremely reclusive &doesn't express his feelings ever.

Hes met his 1st girlfriend &they've been together a few months now.

My mum is really upset because of the way they act.They consumate loudly keeping my parents awake,& I guess somewhat disrespect the family home.They go straight to my brothers room & dont make much of an effort with us.

Mum complains he has no time for family &totally concentrates on his girlfriend.He doesn't help out around the house alot, doesn't talk, co-operate or anything.

I know my mum has a right to be angry but I really don't want her to have ago at my brother &upset him.From my opinion yeah he could be a bit nicer but he's not that bad.

What can I do to keep my mum and my brother BOTH happy?

Thanks for all your helpful comments!

Aliz...empty nest syndrome is menopause - marking the end of our child bearing days.

Sounds like your brother needs some tough love. Millions of people suffer from depression, myself included. It doesn't give you an excuse to behave like an ungrateful brat. I feel sorry for you because you sound like a very loving sibling that finds themselves caught in the middle of your family problems. Never in a million years would my parents let me bring a boyfriend to the house and have sex with him in the other room!!!! No way! Your mom needs to lay down some rules for living in her home-if your brother doesn't like it he needs to get the heck out!

You have to remember that although his mood has picked up recently, that doesnt mean he's better, the drugs hes taking will be doing that, and hes still working on getting over depression. It takes more than that to beat it.
Take that into account, but also keep reminding him of the rules and not just shout them at him, but actually tell him of how its making others feel. When your depressed its sometimes hard to see other peoples feelings or points of view

your brother needs to learn some respect for you and your family OK hes got depression but that's is no excuse for his behaviour now is it . He definitely shouldn't be making that sort of noise in the bedroom he needs to be told that it is not acceptable and if he doesn't like it tough , maybe he should think about a place of his own . It doesn't mean you love him less he just needs to know his place in life ... good luck i hope you get it sorted out .

someone needs to talk to ur brother. if u r close to him, then u know how to speak to him so that he listens. let him know that his behaviour is not acceptable. his depression doesn't give him the right to act like he is doing. he needs to be considerate and be aware that other people live in the house too. they both need to make an effort to speak to the family in the house, out of courtesy.

Your brother should not be doing that in his Moms house in the first place I don't care how depressed he claims to be. Out of respect for the rest of the family they should get a room somewhere. Of course it upsets your Mom...that would upset me too. Depression doesn't give your brother a free ticket to disrespect his Mom or you for that matter.

Wow thats a hard one,
well Theres a few options:
1)All sit down together and have a proper grown up coversation about whats going on and share your feeling
2)Keep your mum happy, spend alot of time with her and help her around the house
3)Talk to your brother about it in a nice way and tell him how your mum feels and use language to make him feel guilt about it all
Hope evrything turns out alright :)
X

She should be happy that he is coming out of his shell. She needs to realize that legally he is an adult and and has no right to be angry with him. Your brother is becoming a man. Your mother seems to be going through "Empty nest syndrome".
Now it is her time for counseling.
You can't make them both happy.

Ask him to do (family) activities ,like gardening or something he likes and would like to do it together ,and if you find something you really like do it as often as possible ,spending more time with the family might make him want to spend more time with you,or you could try a family holiday this summer

Best thing you can do is stay out from in between it, your in a lose lose situation and the only one that is going to come out of this with egg on their face is YOU. If you side with your brother your mom is hurt if you side with your mom your brother is hurt there is no need for you to be in the middle.so just stay out of it completely.

If your mum is not happy with his behaviour then she needs to sort it now before it gets out of hand..it is her home and she has a right to some peace...don't let your brothers depression become a tool to emotionally black the family..your mum needs to set some boundaries with him.

WELL IT DEPENDS DOES HE LISTENT TO YOU?
IF HE DOES THAN YOU SHOULD TRY TALKING TO HIM ..BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME YOU KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HIM WITHOUT UPSETTING HIM....TELL HIM HOW YOU AND THE FAMILY FEEL ABOUT HIM NOT RESPECTING THE FAMLIY VALUES ( CONSUAMATING LOUDLY..DOSEN'T HELP AROUND THE HOUSE...ETC) OR IF HE DON'T LISTEN TO YOU TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND TO TELL HIM THAT HE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO HIS FAMLIY AND HELP AND WHAT NOT ...I KNOW HE TALKS TO HER AND LISTEN SO IT SHOULD WORK...
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR BROTHER....

Personally I wouldnt worry too much. Your brother sounds like he HAD and OVERCAME depression. His behaviour now is that of a typical 19 year old who is pushing the boundaries. Your mum should talk to him about it so he knows its not acceptable xxx

tell your parents to get some ear plugs and tell your mom that if she carries on hes going to go back into a state of depression, also eventually anti-depressants will make you depressed, i dont know why

It's the agegroup I guess, tell them in a funny way your sick of hearing them bonking and maybe if they're so into eachother maybe they should start looking to move out. Distance makes the heart grow fonder...

Let them be happy and leave them alone. If he has mental problems, let him have his chance at happiness with his girlfriend. If he wants ***, let him have ***.

I've got nothing else to say except that it is your parents home and if they don't want him having sex in the house, they should put their feet down.

Try And Get Your Mum And Brother To Talk So It's All Out in The Open You Dont Want Your Mum Getting Depressed Aswell. Good Luck x

as they say you have to go by the rules layed down by your parants and if your brother doesn't like it well it is about time he found a place of his own

tell your brother your glad he's met someone and feeling better about himself BUT he needs to be respectful,

wow, sorry.
my mom has deppresion and it hits my whole family hard. try to make your mom happy, yes they both can be happy.

you cant your brother is recovering tell yer mum to leave

succeed in your life

first of all, get ur brother to watch Brothers & Sisters, it comes on channel 4 on sundays in England. Try to get him to perform small tasks around the house a bit, like ask him,(don't push him to) get you something small or clea something. Start off with something like, Can u get me a cup of tea, and then start working into him by asking him to maybe have a chore or cook one day. Give him a hobby to do and take him out and about to distract him from his girlfriend. Organise a family meeting once a week to tell him how you feel. or just sit him down and tell him the truth.

Hope this helps.

That's pretty heavy...I guess it's difficult to please everyone but you can try.

I think that you should talk to your brother at first and tell him about what's really going on around him. Tell him about how your mom feels about all the stuff that he has been doing with his girlfriend and also about him being so inconsiderate about other people at home... Tell him that your mom is feeling hurt about everything and ask him how he feels about everything that you've said...I think you can talk to him better than your mom can because you can reach out to him easier coz you are both siblings and your age gap is not that big (maybe) so it's easier for you to relate to each other. Try to tell him in the nicest way possible and try find out what's triggering his drifting apart from the rest of the family. Tell your brother that you are suppose to be family and you should be closer to each other than anybody else should be.

And Lastly, try to persuade your mom to keep her cool. There's no use confronting your brother about this now. Tell you're mom to give you some time to get through to your brother.

Well...That's all I can say and I hope that helps.

The anti-depresants have a side effect of upping the sex drive... explain that to your mom? Try and help find your brother his own place
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