Is there such a thing as a quiet (reasonably-priced) motel?

or hotel?

I try so hard to find one that isn't near a train track with whistle blowing in the middle of the night, or airplanes, and a room away from ice machines and noisy heaters, or doors with springs that slam, and away from noisy traffic. When I find one that meets all that, then there is a garbage truck at 5 am, or a machine that is vacuuming the parking lot at 5 am. Or plumbing where you can hear toilets flush, or a neighbor who turns on the TV in the middle of the night.

Don't suggest earplugs. They are uncomfortable.

Are expensive hotels any better? Or are we just paying for crown molding?

I've looked at TripAdvisor but if most people are oblivious to noise then they won't mention it.

When I make the reservation I ask for the quietest room possible and when I check in I reiterate the request. I get the distinct idea that the desk clerks have absolutely no idea what makes a room quiet. I'll explicitly say it shouldn't be by the ice machine but I go upstairs and it's right next to the room. Of course, I ask for a change, and assume there will be something worse about the other room.

Even when everything else is perfect, it seems like something will happen that is out of the control of the hotel, such as a tour bus coming to pick up a group and idling loudly outside for 40 mins at 6 am.

I am not a snob but I do find certain advantages in more expensive hotels (such as higher floors that result in a quieter environment.) That said, the best way I have found to determine where to stay is to search TripAdvisor. Take every opinion with a grain of salt, and sort of do an "average" in your head of the best and worst reviews. There are many inexpensive hotels/motels that have very good ratings. Don't be afraid to call the front desk before you book your stay and ask the exact questions you bring up ... "do you offer quiet rooms?" "are your walls insulated against noise?" You will never be 100 % certain, but I've found a broad range of opinions greatly helps in ascertaining a general feel for a hotel/motel.