You like the story i wrote?BE HONEST PLEASE?

On December 22nd, 2007 a group was formed. The group was formed and packed tight of dare-devils. Joe Darein was one of the ten people that had to prove that they were up to the challenge of being in the club of the dare-devils. They were to meet the twenty people, who were already in the club at noon on December 23rd at the ferry dock.

Joe along with the other nine people went to the ferry dock at noon on December 17th. The group members began telling the ten people the challenge. They told them that the challenge was to get on the ferry, ride it to the other side, then jump into the lake and swim to the other side. If you take the challenge and succeed, you are in the club. After they heard the challenge people started to back out. Three people are left. Joe happens to be one of them. Joe rides the ferry to the other side. He then jumps into the freezing, but not frozen lake. He makes it to the other side. Just when he thinks he is okay hypothermia strikes. One of the other people that took the challenge got his leg caught on a ferry boat and sank to the bottom of the lake, just like the titanic did many years ago. The other person on the other hand made it to land and was just cold, no damage what so ever. He went to get some doctors for Joe. The emergency room crew came rushing to help Joe. They were just in time, the temperature outside was dropping and a winter storm was starting.

After four days of being in the hospital, Joe had recovered immensely. On the other hand the storm had become an ice storm. The state was in shock, this kind of storm had not occurred in over twenty years. The dare-devil group was also shocked, due to Joe denying their admission to join their club. Joe decided that the club was worthless and he decided not to make anymore risks with his life. Joe made an intelligent choice; over half of the group made a daring stunt and are no longer with us.

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GO Answer THis Question PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

In my opinion this isn't a story - it's a report or a summary.
A story should bring the reader close to the characters and excite them with its emotion and action and suspense.
I'm not saying you should give up, but to make it a great story you need a lot more practice in storytelling and description.
Don't rush it - make the most of every moment and try to transport the reader and make them feel like they were there themselves.
Good luck : )

I really love this as a short story.

If you want to make it longer, add more detail. How afraid was Joe? Was was the water like? Blah, blah, blah.

Hope this helps!

im being honest I think you need to describe the character more. I also think you need to add dialogue. But good job don't give up writing you have talent.

i dislike it. i don't get it. time 2 go back 2 the drawing board

It's just ok!

It is good but where do you go from there? Or is that just the end?

Wow I like it! As the person before me asked, is this is? You should continue and see where it takes you =D

I think it's very choppy. The sentences are simple. Try mixing it up. It feels very disjointed. (Notice how that read)

A little odd too. There doesn't seem to be much of a real plot or beginning or ending or structure for that matter. Re-work it to get some more detail and actual story in there. There is a nice start in there though.

It's really choppy, and I was a bit confused. It ends very abruptly. But, on the bright side, you are only 12. That means you have a lot of time to improve. Try to read as much as you can and write everyday. One point in your favor is that you seem to have good spelling and grammar skills, better then what I would've expected for your age. If you love to write then keep at it. You could be very good someday.

It's kind of confusing at the beginning and I'm not quite sure what the point is. I guess that it wasn't one of my favorite things to read but keep writing! Find a genre and story that suits you and when you do, your ideas will flow out very easily. In this it kind of sounds like you're not really into the subject. Good luck with writing though, and as long as you like it, keep going with it and don't let people like me discourage you!
Hope I could help!

i read a middle and an end wheres the beginning?? hah i thought it was good explain "joe" more like why does he want to be in the club or something. mix up the start of sentences too you said joe at the beginning of sentences a lot but its a good start maybe start small like putting your facts on a line paper and bullet down your ideas you could make a good book out of this its a good idea!! (remember you don't have a copyright on this, People can steal your ideas!!!!)