Im 24 and depressed. i was bullied by my older brother (by a couple years) throughout my whole childhood 4-14?

I would do everything he asked me 2 so he wud like me but he would still criticize how i did it. he would make side comments about how I ate, how I walked, what i looked like etc daily.n my early years my father (who used to verbally assault my mother constantly) used to complain when i wud scream at him to stop, and my mother jst said 'ignore him'. I eventually stoped complaining but it ws so constant i stoppped coming out of my room and had a permenant frown on my face all the time. my parents wud then be mad at me for looking unhappy when they been tryin their best .by the time i was a teen i began using drugs having sex with many partners and staying away from home. I ws constantly contemplating suicide until i met a guy and moved in with him and had 3 kids, turned my life around. he is like my father was 2 my mother and my brother was to me. ive had a couple mental breakdowns. family/frnds thnk im crazy, they think i deserve what he does 2 me because i was a bad teen.im depressed

everyone thinks im too depressed for nothing and dont come around me which makes me feel worse and alone. I try to kick him out so many times but I keep taking him back because i feel so alone, he is the only one who give me any attention.

leave the guy find a nice cute one

Break the cycle and move out!!

leave the SOB

People have a weird tendency to get into relationships that mimic the ones they see as kids. Maybe it's the familiarity of it, I don't know. At any rate, no one deserves to be bullied. and I kind of wonder if your friends really believe you deserve to be bullied just because you did some irresponsible stuff when you were younger. That's kind of what being a teenager is about, learning, making mistakes, finding out who you are. Teenagers screw up. I would say the first step to getting out of the bullying thing is to stop bullying yourself first, and if your friends really do think bad things of you , maybe it's time to forgive your own past mistakes and develop some new relationships. When you are your own worst enemy it's not so hard for others to take advantage of it. And you might have to exit a bad relationship to do it.

this first thing that came to mind as i read your story is a poem by a brillant author, Langston Hughes entitled 'Mother to Son'
Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

I consider myself to an extremely strong person but sometimes i have my days when things get to me. but the way i deal with it, what keeps me going is what i do when i feel this way. I pray!!! Sometimes i dont even pray for God to change the situation because i already have faith that he is working on a plan for that. i realize that i'm going through all of it for a reason and therefore since i know i must go through it to come out a better person... I PRAY FOR STRENGTH TO ENDURE!!!
I think situations are temporary. see when ppl have problems we say they're "going through something" right? well to "go through" means you have to come out! meaning just because you are in a predicament now doesnt mean you have to stay there.
believing in God allows me to think that i'm never alone. because i've been there, in a place where i thought i had no one to turn to because no one understood. but i know God is powerful and he beholds greatness. i also know he created me & you. thus, you are a product of his greatness.
"As a man thinketh, so is he"
if you believe your life has purpose, it will! value your self worth and know that you were created for a reason. you are a mother of 3 which means there are at least 3 people whose lives you can inlfuence and make better than your own. there are also other ppl out there just like you needing encouragement. they need to hear a success story from someone who has been in their shoes and maybe that person is you. perhaps all those things happened to you so you could overcome them and in turn help someone turn their life around. its not your fault those things happened to you but what happens in your future is largely dependent upon you.

and it may not happen over night. i think some ppl expect to all of a sudden wake up and things will automatically be different. but it doesnt always work out like that. you may not wake up tomorrow with an overwhelming zeal for life but you can decide that today is the day i take another step towards complete happiness. just like you wont allow someone to steal your tv or your purse. (hopefully you'll call the police) dont let other people steal your happiness or your joy. Call on the Father (GOD), the Son, (Jesus), & the Holy Spirit (who lives in you) to protect you. every morning say to yourself my goal is to smile more, laugh more, do more things to make myself feel good! its going to be a process that you must be willing to overcome. start small but eventually you will get the courage needed the make the drastic changes necessary to turn your life around. such as surrounding yourself with the right people who support your growth.

i'll tell you a personal story about something i recently found out. its a small gesture but it meant a lot to me.
-my parents snore, so its been one of the things i hoped i didnt inherit. i hate when other ppl do it & i find it so unattractive for a lady. (i'm 20, but i'm an old fashion southern belle) but anyway the guy i'm currently seeing came to pick me up every weekend to spend the night with him. i left the state for 3 wks and he recently told me that he's heard me snore several times! this was a shock to me b/c he never said anything before. so i asked him why he'd continue to let me sleep there then. he said because he wanted me there & cuz he likes spending time with me...
the moral of the story is to also find people who love you for you. even though i thought it was a big deal, to someone who cares about me, the things i cant control wont be. friends should want the best for you, and you deserve it. everyone does.

be blessed