Before you say "ewww, how could you ever marry your cousin, that is incest!" or "the kids will have defects!"
....Listen to me for a second. I have a cousin, she is a girl, and we just met last week in over 10 years.
(the last time we saw each other was when I was 10, and she was 6.) Ever since we met last week, we have been
inseperable. We have talked on the internet 4 days/nights in a row...usually for about 8 to 10 hours. She and
I both have told each other that we do not think of each other as cousins. Instead, her and I have declared
to each other that we are each others best friends now. And one night when we were chatting, I said "Your dad
would never let you and I be in the same room together." My cousin asked "Why not?" I said "because he thinks
we are 'kissing cousins'." And then my cousin replied, "But we're not cousins...." She jokes a lot about us getting "together" but when I asked her if she liked me, and she said No and Yes.
She said "no romantically, but yes because you are my other half." I am getting mixed signals from her. Can
someone please tell me what is going on in her mind? Is it possible that she is falling in love with me? I've
dated a girl before for 2 and a half years, so i do know what love is. But...I am in love with my cousin. I
dont care what anyone says, I am in love with her. I would do anything for her. How do I let her know how I
feel about her? Does she like me too? And how long should I wait until I tell her that I love her?
Seriously...no negative comments please. Dont judge me, because I cant control who I love, it just happens.
Is she afraid to tell me that she likes me too? How should I bring this up when im talking to her? BTW...she couldnt get on the computer tonight, so she called me from her dads phone and we talked for 3 hours until the battery died. help Poor, poor Nug.
I know how much you are struggling with this and looking for answers.
I certainly don't judge you for this; first of all that's not how I roll and secondly; who am I to do so?
I know you are a believer so let's look at it from God's point of view...
...okay, nowhere in the Bible is marrying your first cousin forbidden. I scrutinized Leviticus 18 (talks about incest, who not to marry, etc.) for one hint of God frowning on marrying cousins and I found none.
On that same token, remember in the Bible we are told that God appoints the governments to help keep us in check. Since they are God appointed we are to uphold the laws and not break them. That being said there are many states in the U.S.A. which prohibit cousins from marrying one another.
The biggest concern is over genealogical defects. The biggest problem is that it's hit or miss. I'm not a believer in Darwinism or Evolution, but, I've got to hand it to Darwin- he knew quite a bit about genetics; I am certain he married his first cousin. I bet if you search around you can find out more.
So what is the problem if you two are falling in love, right? Well, there could be several issues.
First of all, though God does not expressly forbid it, if you two were to fall in love and marry in a state that prohibits that you are not only breaking the law but disobeying God.
Second, it truly is a social taboo. The stigma of incest is wrapped around in it (but look in Leviticus 18 to see what incest is-- more like mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather). Your family and a majority of society would look at you both as pariah's. If you did intend to who is to say whether or not if you had children- would they be born with defects or without. (Genetic counseling would help determine that).
You both risk alienating friends and relatives; distancing yourselves. What if things don't work out and then you are left with cleaning up the mess of a divided family?
If you do have children they risk the social stigma of being labeled as "first cousins, once removed" rather than siblings.
There is much to sort through.
I understand how messy and difficult love can be. I certainly don't think it's impossible for first cousins to fall in love. I do think it is impossible for many people to look at this from an outsider, unbiased and non-judgmental perspective.
I am pregnant and trying to imagine that you are my own child faced with this situation. It's very difficult because this is my first child and the closest I've come to raising one is babysitting babies (MANY times). I can honestly tell you I'm just not sure how I would handle it.
Let's say we are related though, but not the cousins with the feelings that need to be addressed. ;)
I would, with an open mind and an open heart, let you talk this thing through. But, before any of that I would ask you to pray diligently. Remember, "First, see the counsel of the Lord." -1 Kings 22:5
Basically present this matter to God; put it in His hands and allow Him to guide you. Seek Him. Even if that means fasting. Diligently search for His wisdom and guidance. Listen for the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Read the Bible and meditate on what you are reading. Ask God to guide your studies so that you will gain wisdom and understanding into this situation that you have presented before Him.
I would also suggest seeking the wisdom of a trusted college/youth minister or even a pastor. Someone who is unbiased, down to Earth and will give both the secular and basic Christian stance. Someone who could mentor you.
Then go from there.
Maybe you guys are falling in love. Maybe you guys are just falling in love with the idea of falling love with someone who is so much like yourselves....
I can't say because I'm not you or your cousin and I've not been in your particular situation.
No matter what God has the final say and the final judgment. Man has a tendency to pervert things, including the word of God. Search for the Truth with an open mind and an open heart. Rely on a man (you should be speaking one-on-one with a man rather than a woman, that is why I say this) whom you feel to have a strong relationship with Christ and who knows God's Word very well.
You and your cousin need to stop and talk this through so you both have complete understanding about how you both truly feel and what to do. You should do this before your emotions sky-rocket out of control and things get really hectic.
There is nothing wrong, unhealthy, perverted, etc. with finding out what is going on. You both do need to know and understand:
What you are feeling,
Why you feel the way you do,
What does God have to say about it all,
Who you should seek wise counsel from (including the Lord),
How to work on this situation, whether for good, bad, or ugly.
May God grant you peace and wisdom and I pray you know one way or the other what's going on and what to do; very soon.
Much peace!! Well this is what you have to get straight. If you two are blood related, "the kids will have defects!".
This is the thing with inner family relationships. When you have family reunions, you two will see each other-- and the weight of the entire house will be on you both. Asides from any disorders with children, THATS the other main concern. Talk it out with your family, and see what your relations are with her family. If it's not so bad-- who knows. Sorry but you are related so you should feel love towards her... What would the rest of the family say? But as time passed and medical knowledge improved, it become evident that marrying too close a relation actually harmed the bloodline and could cause problems for future children. The specific problems arise from recessive genes that cause disease. as long as she's not your sister go for it... Think about your cousin(assuming it's your 1st) only has 25% of the same blood you have. u dont know what love is even after dating a girl for 2 years and now u know u r falling for your own cousin?????
:-s umm i dont think its bad att alll!!
i mean likee some how everyones like related
goo forr itt = ) better steer clear dude...............she's already told you how she feels.................. ewwwwwwwwww thats gross sorry but thats ur cousin sounds like you guys are both in love with each other but you can not be together your family would not allow it you can not legally marry if she is realy your cousin I am not judging you but it is a sin to go any father than you have with your cousin once again if she really is your cousin apologize if it sounds like I am judging you but I am not it is not up to me to judge you it is up to god but if you must go farther with her than I can not stop you and neither can anybody else really Im not trying to be mean or negative, BUT you need to look at this OUTSIDE the box... your only thinking short term... like hooking up with her, dating her etc... THINK about the wedding, how weird would that be... you are COUSINS... everyone at the wedding would be family already...your uncle would be your father in law.. your kids would be brothers and sisters, but technically they would be second cousins as well... its okay to think of "what ifs" like what if we werent related, nobody would have to know that you thought your cousin was hot..(and since you dont see each other often it probablly doesnt feel like shes family) but its not okay to actually act on it.. its wrong she is family. and theres no way to sugar coat it... it would be incest..if shes soo great hook her up with one of your friends, and let them have a great girlfriend, and if its a good friend of yours, you will know shes getting a great guy. well it depends truely on her. she already said no so that could be a pretty stong indicator that she's not interested. she may just be one of those girls who flirt with guys to get attention, even if he is her cousin. ( i do that too, but not with my cousins. if i don't know that anyone likes me i wonder what's wrong with me so i start just talking to random guys at my school even if i'm not remotely interested. she could be the same way. ) So are you really not cousins or is that just how she feels about you two? I mean were you cousins before a divorce or something or are you still cousins? I don't think it's necessarily wrong because like you said you can't help the fact that you have feelings for her...this does happens sometimes...but if it was your sister I would be a little worried lol.
Anyways, it's really hard to tell if she likes you. Now you said you were in love with her...how long have you actually gotten to know her on that sort of personal level to know that you are in love? Is it just from the 4 days you've talked with her?
If so you need to definately give this some time. Not only is love a big thing and can become a huge commitment, you are talking about your cousin here. Like you said you don't want to be judged well it will be hard for your family to not judge this. So don't go to anyone close about this unless you know you can trust them for sure to give you an honest answer and to keep this between you two. I think you should wait to tell her how you feel until you know for sure okay? OK, to start off, if she is talking this much with you..and NOT some other guy..she likes you too. It may not be love quite yet but she might be getting there. BUT..she said no..but yes when u asked her if she likes you.. so, could be closer than you think.
Sometimes it doesn't matter when you're cousins.. (as long as you're not brother and sister) love is blind.. remember that. |
