If the Scientologists filed a lawsuit against the Westboro Baptist Church, who would win?

An irate Tom Cruise gets off the phone as his agent walks into the room. "Phil, those crazies at the Westboro Baptist Church are planning to protest all of our free seminars because we let gays in! We need to pull out all the stops on this one, or we'll never get another recruit! Get the very finest Scientology lawyers and stop them!"

Somewhere in Kansas, Fred Phelps is holding a family meeting. "Ok, so we're agreed then: those Scientologists are responsible for making homosexuality look cool, thanks to their association with Tom Cruise. We need to put that rabid dog of an organization down once and for all, before God brings judgment on America! Now, they've filed suit against us, we need all our legal skill to make this their end!"

Which lordly litigious legion leaves with the laurel (of victory)?

Kyrin A: If you don't already watch it, you'd really like Lewis Black's Root of All Evil on Comedy Central. He has a segment called "ripple of evil" that is very much like your commentary. Anyway, thanks for taking the scenario and running with it, I was hoping more would do so!

This is a fantastic question.

Here's the answer in my opinion--

The WBC and Scientologists begin a long, drawn-out court battle over some tiny issues-- trespassing, a perceived hate crime, et cetera. The court battle get more and more heated until one WBC member dies in some sort of car accident. The WBC gets all up in arms about it and blame the Scientologists. Perceiving that the fundamentalist ideal is under attack, several other fundie sects join the WBC. These have less discipline and begin to attack Scientologists.

Meanwhile, the Pope remarks about the vicious attacks now coming from either side toward the other, and about how it needs to stop.

This eventually breaks into a crusade. The fundies are going after assassinating Tom Cruise and the Scientologists are going after the physical soil of the Westboro Baptist Church.

Due to the high celebrity concentration in Scientology, the fundies take quite the media smearing. Sneaky, covert-type attacks are becoming more and more frequent until Katie Holmes is accidentally killed. Tom Cruise marches with a squadron of Scientologists into the Westboro Baptist Church and jumps on their couches and altar.

The WBC retaliates by blowing up their church. Other Christian denominations feel threatened by this act of terrorism and join up with the Scientologists. The US government, Christian as it is, outlaws fundamentalism and goes on a censorship campaign. Islam feels threatened by this newly anti-fundamentalist US government and the war on terror starts to get worse until the US has to withdraw troops.

These troops go back home and begin a domestic occupation campaign. Every once in a while, there are riots that are put down violently. Eventually, Islam finds an Islamic country that has the capability to make and fire a nuclear warhead at the US. They do and several other countries say they did it. This begins the Third World War. Nostradamus knows the rest. Basically, we blow everything up, including ourselves.

Wow...totally didn't mean for it to escalate that much. Hahahaha.

Sceintologist have more money.

Both WBC and the Scilons dislike homosexuals, so it is not a likely event. However, as the Co$ has a ton of lawyers on standby and manages to suck a enormous amount of money from its handful of followers, so they would likely win.
In fact, if it were not for Scientology's many lawyers, the cult would have already been outlawed as the criminal organization it is.



Anonymous has declared war on the Church of Scientology 鈥?ask them why
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