Do you think an 11 year old should be allowed to...?

Everytime my step-daughter comes over from her mom's my two toddlers meet her at the door EVERYTIME all excited, saying I missed you! Each time she Grumbles a hey and walks straight to her room & shuts the door in their face. There even times were she has shut my 4 year olds fingers in the door because she tries to go in her room. It is a constant fight!

My 4 year old is a pain but she wants her sister's attention because she doesn't get to see her all of the time. She will go into her room when she is not in there just to get her big sister to chase her. The other night my 4 year old wanted to see what she was doing on the internet and bugged her I guess, so the 11yr old shoved and screamed at my 4 year old.

What would you do in this situation? At her mom's house she can shut the door & never be bothered by her little sisters. I think it's kinda dumb to teach them that they don't have to be around each other.

In addition: Her mom has e-mailed my husband saying"She is 11 years old and she does not need anyone and everyone coming into her room, going through her things, and taking her things at will. My toddler may only be two but she needs to respect other people鈥檚 things and not take things that do not belong to her. If you choose to teach your other children that everything is community property, then that is up to you, but no one in this house will learn that. Real life does not work that way and we will not start out on the wrong foot. That is the first step to stealing and we do not teach that here."

I 100% think that your step daughter needs a wake up call. My opinion is that your husband and you should sit down and talk about this with her. It isn't ok to be rude to anyone including siblings.

Explain to her that you realize she doesn't want to spend all of her time with the family and that you understand she is becoming a young lady and that she needs personal time HOWEVER slamming doors... hurting siblings (with words or actions) is not acceptable... PERIOD! I think you should explai that her sister just misses her and wants to be around her because she loves her and so do you but if the behavior continues there will be punishments. (and talk with your hubby to decide what the consequences should be).

Then you may want to set some boundries for the little one so that she can begin to learn that there is appropriate times for things and inappropriate times for things. I think its great that you have the computer out of anyone's specific room by the way. :)

As for the biological Mother she really has no business as to how you run your household or raise your children! It burns me up at mother's who think they can control everything! (I am a step mom and my step son's mother is exactly that way!)
This is what we tell her: " What you do at your house is your choice. But how we chose to operate in our household and raise him while he is here is our choice. You can like it or not but it isn't any of your business unless he is being abused which we all know he's not. I'm sorry if you don't agree with the way things are here but He knows the rules and Frankly... we don't agree with everything you do. So please don't bother me with any other obssesive compulsive moments like these."

I'm sorry... I hope that helped!

Take the door off of her room and tell her to start getting dressed and undressed in the bathroom. Drastic measures= results that come sooner. She shouldn't be allowed to be on the computer by herself anyway. Punish her for hurting the little one. She has gone too far and needs to learn to spend time with her family.

remove her door and tke the computyer out of her room!! it sounds alot like my situation the ex allows the kids to do what ever aslong as they are not bothering her

They do need time apart. And they are going to fight. But the older one should definitely be punished for smashing the baby's fingers. I agree with the person above me to have sort of an assigned time to be with each other or plan out activities where they will be having fun together. Find things they both enjoy doing and allow them time to do it while they are together.