Please dont be rude to me I just want to know how others feel about this.Long story but I feel it all should be said to get opinions on it.I just need some advice.
I've been married 7 years and we split up almost 2 years ago for almost a year.I started dating a man and ended up getting pregnant by him after 2 months of dating him.He constantly told me I should have an abortion.He offered to pay for the abortion numerous times.He has 2 other kids age 4 and 1.He slapped the 1 year old in the face because she bit him,1 night she woke up in the middle of the night a couple times one and I would get up while he was sleeping and rock her back to sleep she did that 3 times and then the 4th time she was screaming I told him it was his turn to get up with her so he went in the room and slapped her and told her to lay her *** down and go back to sleep,I heard him slap her from the next room so I went in and picked her up and she was covered in poop that's why she way crying.She would have poop everywhere and he would let her lay in it.He never changed her poopy sheets either.The 4 year old he would kill mice in front of.He would catch them with the mouse trap and then start killing them,1 with boiling water,1 he he poured lighter fluid on and then threw a burning paper towel down on it,1 he cut in to pieces with a pocket knife,The last one he put the mouse trap with the mouse on it under the tire of his truck and run over it while his daughter watched it.He let her watch scary movies all the time.Her favorite was Texas Chainsaw.One time the 4 year old and my son were playing in the ice from the ice maker and he threw a nerf football and hit her in the head with it and told her she knew she wasn't suppose to be messing with that.My son had said something bad(can't remember exactly what) and she was telling on my son,He begged her to tell him exactly what was said,he told her she wouldn't get in trouble but as soon as she told him he took her to her room and spanked her for saying it and made her stay in her room for a while.He would put the girls to bed as soon as they got home from day care around 5:30 or 6 pm and then have his friends come over and they would all get high and drunk in the house while the kids were in bed.He cursed MY 5 year old son out because he wanted to sleep in bed with me at night.The thing that finally made me leave was that him,his 2 daughters,my son and I we're all at his house in the living room(right beside the kitchen,no door in between)and his best friend came in, and started rolling a joint right there on the kitchen table in full view of the kids.I said something to him about it and he said It was nothing to worry about that the kids we're too young to know what it was.He said his friends come first and that he smoked weed every day and wasn't ever going to stop,So I left him at 4 months pregnant and decided I would work it out with my husband.Because no matter the situation my husband loved me and wanted me to keep this baby.He came and seen me one time at my apartment ,He was begging me to come back to him , my husband was staying with me in the apartment but he was at work,he knew me and my husband was back together and seen my husband's Michael Jordan jacket hanging on my bed post and took out his pocket knife and slashed it in shreads.He was driving past my house constantly and calling my phone so we moved about a week after that out of kannapolis to concord to get him to quit stalking us and I changed my phone #.I was in contact with his mother throughout my pregnancy and she was pretty active in my pregnancy and came to the hospital when the baby was born and came to our house one time after that until he found out about it and told her to stop all contact with me,If he wanted her involved he would involve her.The only reason I kept in contact with him was because I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because he was her "father"and I thought maybe he would change.He never changed.I called him(the babies biological father)throughout my pregnancy to let him know how I and the baby was doing and everytime I talked to him he would tell me I should have an abortion or I should have took 6 mourning after pills and then we would not be having this problem(the baby).The last time I called him before I had the baby I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and he still told me the same thing and said he didn't want anything to do with her.That he would sign his rights over.He has never once called me,I called him when the baby was born and told him which hospital,the room number,d.o.b and how long we would be there incase he wanted to come meet her.We we're there 3 days because I had a c-section but He never showed up.He has never once called or he also had my email address and knows that I check it everyday and he's never tried to contact me or anything about the baby,has not offered to help out in anyway since she has been born,She is almost 6 months old now.I called and told him I was taking him for child support and he told me that if he was paying for a f-ing child them he would get to see IT..Now all of a sudden since he is going to have to pay child support he wants to see her but before now he has wanted nothing to do with her.The only reason he wants visitation is because he has to pay.My husband and I love this baby so much,My husband has been there for this baby from the time I told him I was pregnant.This is her family and we are in a happy home and I don't want her taken away from that.I do not think he deserves visitation at all but I think he should pay for his child that he created just like I have.I just don't think he should get out of his responsibility to pay..His 2 daughter he has now he has full custody over because there mother gave them to him. I did report him to D.S.S and they are still investigating it.But the kids are still in the home.
If he pays child support what are his chances of getting visitation if I testify to all of this?Should I drop the child support.I have a job at a nursing home on the weekends and my husband has a full time job during the week He is a Nurse too is what makes it worse WOW that was a long story.
Um, I think what you said at the very end - about testifying against him sounds like a good idea. Yes in a way he should pay for her, but if i were you i wouldn't do that unless you can make sure he never sees her. Also don't forget about his 2 girls. If he has to fork out money for his child with you, that is less money he has to look after them, even though he seems to be doing a terrible job of that anyway.
Now I can tell you from experience, I grew up in a very similar house hold to the one you described with him. The main difference was that mum already had my sister and I before she met him, and instead of killing and torturing mice, he used to bash my mum. He actually tried to kill her when i was 8 (me, my sister and our baby brother by this stage - which was his), we were supposed to be locked in our room but i opened the door to see him chase mum down the hallway and stab her three times in the back with a pair of scissors. She was very lucky that he didn't get any vitals organs, but she was very screwed up.
Anyways more to the point. Do you really want your baby daughter to even know these kind of people exist? Alot of the kids i knew who were in that same situation as kids take after their parents, because to them that is the normal way of life. I am nothing like that now, i moved out of home on my 13th birthday and am now happily engaged and keep right away from drugs and violence. So there is the exception. But if a child is raised in that kind of environment they are more likely to live like that when they are older.
My advice, even if you have to do it tough, keep him out of it all together. He clearly doesn't want anything to do with you or her, so stop contacting him completely. You can live without his money. And also, what does your husband think about all of this? (you trying to contact him etc.)
Good luck with it all, and I'm very happy for you that you worked things out with your husband, he sounds like a nice man. I'm glad that you could see there are terrible people out there and you got to get away from it :) too long to read but from your heading along, i will say if you take him for child support he will have to see the child by law unless you can proove he is not a safe person to have your child around. I would seriously talk to a child case worker for child abuse before I filed for child support. Let them know what he has done.
Besides if your husband is willing to accept this little one as his own then let him, keep the jerk out of her life & yours. Anyone can make a baby it takes someone special to be a father or mother.
This man is not a good father, husband or bf, just break all ties from him & let your baby have a real father, your husband. Your daughter deserves to have a father that will love her, care for her, & treat her like a little princess, she doesn't need to be abused in all forms of the word ABUSE........For the sake of your daughter, drop it & let her have a normal loving father & mother in her life, then you will know she will grow up to be a happy, health young lady. I would drop the cs and ask him to sign his rights away so your husband could adopt her. In MS child support and visitation are two different things and one does not ensure the other one. I think maybe you have gone about this in the wrong way. It kinda sounds like you deep down want him around. If not, why would you have contacted him or let him in the house. You say you don't think it's fair for him not to have to pay for the child he created, but your husband shouldn't have to raise your love child, but he is willing. So why slap him in the face by even acknowleging that the other guy exists. It sounds like he doesn't want her, so make a deal with him, if he signs the papers, there will be no childsupport. Then your husband can adopt her and maybe you can put your childish past behavior in the past. that man is crazy.you could call the police on that dude for child abuse.but i really think he still has the right to see the baby if he is paying child support.i would have called the police when the dude slapped his daughter and |
