Someone please read my short narrative and tell me if it has voice??

Will you please read my narrative and tell me if it has voice and if it follows the guidlines for a narrative. It's due tomorrow and I wanted someones opinion. If I run out of room I'll post more in additional details.

Where we grow up impacts us all individually. For me, my neighborhood has had the greatest impact on my childhood. There is 16 houses in our cul-de-sac, out of those 16 houses, 3 hold great meaning to me. The lessons I have learned from the relations I had with the members has structured the person I am.

I first met Scott on a cold rainy day when I was playing basketball outside. We had just moved into the neighborhood and I didn鈥檛 know anyone yet and my only sibling was 2 years old at the time. I was playing by myself when Scott came over and introduced himself. He asked me if he could play against me. I remember myself thinking about his question, here was this 30-year-old man asking me if he could play basketball with me. Well almost 10 years later I know why

Scott asked me that question, that day. Scott is a single man with a big heart. He鈥檚 almost like an uncle to all the kids in our neighborhood, when your lonely you know all you have to do is ring Scott鈥檚 doorbell. Growing up with Scott as a neighbor I learned that sometime true happiness can be found in the simplest of things such as a tennis match and that you should always reach your hand out to someone new.

At the age of 9 my best friend moved away to Colorado. She had always lived in the house across from me, so at that time my world felt like it was falling apart. To my surprise that summer a new family moved in with 3 daughters. I quickly became friends with the oldest daughter, Heather. Our families grew close over time and sleepovers at each other鈥檚 houses became a daily routine. The way I felt when I was at their house or with Heather became my favorite feeling in the world. I had never felt so comfortable, even at my own house it just wasn鈥檛 the same. When I was going

Whether it was intentional or not...

Scott sounds kinda' creepy...

(I wasn't clear on what you figured out 10 years later...was it that "Scott" was a "good" guy, after all?!?

...or was it that he was a child molester?!?)

I mean...the way you wrote it...he sounds like a cool guy...but the way you said he was an "uncle to all the kids," kinda' got my "child predator detector" alarm bells going off...

But to answer the question directly...a "true narrative" wouldn't "begin" with what you learned, or what we are suppose to "suspect" you are going to learn...

To make it a better narrative...begin with the story first, and then get to the "point lesson" of the story at the very end...

it has voice.. but i would like to see more depth in it.. somthin deep or sentimental - if u catch my drift..

We can only see up to Shannon putting you down in a cold voice at the barbecue. There are a few minor grammar and punctuation errors I would change, but the voice is fantastic! I like how you used examples and dialog to get your point across. We would love to see how your story ends.

there are many grammar mistakes like when you should be plural, you put singular, and when you should use 'are' you use 'is'. Everything is good, except the grammar and there are some run-on sentences too.

you call this short..but haven't read it but i think it's nice..idk