How to handle ex leaving kids in hotel/motel room alone all night without adult?

I am wondering if anyone knows about the laws regarding this situation or has been through something like this. My ex travels a few times a year with our two kids ages 14 (barely) and 7. They will rent two motel rooms and leave the kids in one and the ex and the ex's spouse will stay in the other. I have contacted a few hotels who have verified that this is against their policies an if they know about it, they will intervene (fines, etc). The only way this can be done is with adjoining rooms with the door left open between them. This isn't what the ex is doing, however. sometimes the rooms are very far apart, and seldom are they even next door to each other. I am very worried about the children. I have tried discussing this with the ex, but am met with only resistance and comments for me to just file in court if I don't like it. I feel if they want two rooms, if they can't find adjoining, then they need to stay in 1 room or the adults need to split up & put an adult in each room.

To answer a few questions: I know this is going on because the kids told me...the younger one is scared, and has awakened with nightmares. They are opposite sex kids. Boy oldest. And to those people who think there is nothing wrong with it, I ask them. Would you put your most valuable prized possessions (all your money, retirement, jewelry, etc. whatever that might be to you....) in a hotel room at night, shut the door, and then not come back to check on them until morning? I don't know of anyone who'd say yes to that. Why, then, would you do it with precious children? I am not asking if this is wrong or right. It is clearly not safe. I am asking if anyone has any experience with something like this, and outcome. Thank you to those with suggestions.

I don't see why the ex and new ex can't share a room with the kids, lord knows they won't die if they don't have sex for a night or two, big deal. In some states that can be considered child abandonment They don't have to call the police, they can call the front desk and they will call the police for them, epically if it is not adjoining rooms, or in a different part of the motel/hotel. It will also alert the owners they their rules and requirements are not being met. Your ex needs to grow up and tend to his/her kids before their own, very selfish to me. A me first attitude and the kids last, not a good situation.

Get the court system involved in this one

your kids safety is your number one concern... don't allow kids to go w/ ex and go to court if necessary...

Yes, I would take this up with social services and the courts as well.

You have some leverage if the hotels have a policy against this.

If you are that concerned about it maybe you should do exactly what he said. File it in court and let a judge decide what to do. Their safety is your main concern, not your ex-husband

They should not be left alone record him admitting it or get proof from the hotels and take him to court

Your ex gave you your answer: "just file in court". That seems to be the only thing to do. You have to keep your childern first, which they don't seem to be doing. Good luck.

Well, it may be against motel policies, but I feel a 14 year old is old enough to be watching over the 7 year old.

IF the ex got as room with a door between them, then we'd be hearing you complaining that they left the door open why having sex!!
I'm thinking if this is the worst your ex can be doing, then your pretty lucky to have such a minor complaint!! It could be sooo sooo much worse!

That is weird because you can get rooms that have two double beds, and it only makes sense. I am not sure of any laws that cover this, but it is a issue you should discuss with your lawyer. Because it is not a very safe thing to be doing, but not sure if it is consider endangerment of the kids.

MO

I am not a lawyer but in New York I know of people who have been in trouble with the police for leaving children alone for long periods during the day. I am pretty sure that your husband can be charged with a crime if this practice is reported.

File in court.

I would try to get proof from the hotels, (ex. Receipts) Then refuse to let him take the kids, eventually he'll take you to court, then you'll have your say.

OK regarding the 14 year old in some states that child is allow to be by them selves for 3 to 6 hours and is allowed to babysit... But to stay out over night without adult supervision is illegal in all states .. You do need to file in the courts and have proof in hand ...Start keeping track of the hotels and get their names and number and any police departments that have fined them in the past... Take it to court and present it to the judge and children and youth...The next time he dose it have the hotel call the police and child services....

Definitely get the courts involved....Guess your ex doesn't realize what dangers he could be putting his children in .....God Forbid if someone were to come into the children's room and do some harm to them...and your ex wouldn't know....and if there were a fire....Oh my gosh I wouldn't even want to think about what could happen...My ex and I use to get two adjoining rooms when we went on vacation with our children...but we NEVER shut that door between us...

It is one thing to leave your children alone in your own home...or in the home of somebody they are babysitting....but it is quite different when you leave children younger than 16 in a hotel room alone...with all kinds of people entering and leaving the building...The hotel shouldn't and can't be held responsible for children left alone...

You can't prove it. Next time send it certified mail which requires a signature. And your question is WAY TOO LONG.................

I assume you're getting this information from the kids? Because obviously it didn't just come into your mind that this was happening? One thing I always felt is you should never interrogate the kids about what the other parent does in their house. It's adult business and since it's about the kids, I really think it should never be discussed with them. It's unfair to put them in the middle of two parents they love very much.

With that said, if you're that concerned, call Child Services and let them investigate. Your ex really doesn't owe you any explanations, but as a respect, I think he should be able to discuss with you any parenting concerns you might have and of course, vice versa. Start with child services, ask them what you need to ask. But.....do you have proof? Even if it did happen, you can't do much without proving that it happened. And that's where this gets tough, if you say it happens, but it can't be proven, then it's on you. And you look like you're just trying to cause another issue. Even if it's not the case, that's what it'll seem.

The most important thing here is the safety of the children.

But I do have a question for you......do you allow your 14 yr old to babysit?

You really haven't given enough information for anyone to offer a really good solution to this. i.e. Are your children both males, both females, boy and girl? This will make a difference! I really believe that you need to take him to court over this. In the USA the older child has the right to refuse to go with him but the younger child doesn't. ( I guess this depends upon the state in which the divorce and custody took place.) Your refusal to let the children gowith him might get you charged with contempt of court. So, you need to have this litigated, quickly!

Maybe tell your ex wife that she needs to cooperate a little more and that you've begun contacting authorities, calling hotels, etc. about your rights and hotel policies. I would do that before getting the state and authorities involved and if she doesn't cooperate then call the police and ask their opinion on this matter.

Take his sorry butt to court.

This is indeed a matter for the courts.

You'll have to speak with your divorce lawyer about it.

I realize that you're probably right - that the children shouldn't be in the hotel room by themselves, but deep-down inside of you, ask yourself What exactly do you want to gain out of this? Do you want your children NOT to have much to do with your Ex? Do you want the visitations to be on YOUR terms only? Really and truly ask yourself precisely what it is that you want. If you just want to be a control-freak because your ex left you for his present spouse etc. etc. etc., then you may be in for a long and expensive fight.

Even if you're right, it will be a long and expensive fight.

So speak with your lawyer, go over the court orders very carefully and decide if you'd be better off suing him - or leaving things as they are.

Oh but you don't have any money? Well, that's something to think about. Even if you're right - this will be expensive and ugly.

However, if you are concerned about being accused of neglect yourself, contact child protective services and report the situation.

But FIRST speak with your lawyer. Even if you don't have $$, you should at least have a good solid plan before doing anything.

Albeit against hotel policy its not against the law. 14 is old enough to be watching a 7 year old. Personally I would leave my 14 and 10 year old in a room alone, if anything because they would mess up there place, hence the hotel policy. If you are REALLY fearful of your children's and not being vindictive to your ex or interfering then call DFS and see what they say about it or take him to court.

But personally, like what was posted before, I think he could get a room with two beds or a suite with 2 beds and a sofa sleeper if the kids wont sleep together and I would think it would be cheaper.

You need to mind your own business. You don't even know if it is going on. You are being an angry bitter ex. You must still love your husband, ex-husband.